Looking Through a New Pair of Eyes

The me from my past...

The things we do, things we don’t do. What we think about, what we don’t think about. What we say, what we don’t say.

I used to think that the stuff I didn’t say mattered so much. I felt regretful for not sharing what was weighing on my heart. I didn't share my thoughts from the core of my heart because I was scared. For the most part I chose the same route. I mean what would happen if I did say what was weighing on my heart? Would the stuff I tell you really mean anything to you? Would the stuff I have to say to you make any impact on you at all for any reason? Did you really miss out on the golden nugget I had to offer you? Really?

Do I really have such a purpose in my life that what my heart has to say to you would really make a difference in your life?

There have been moments when I have shared what's from the very core of my heart and I get pushed down for this. My belief, opinions, and thoughts seem bizarre that I get pushed down for just being who I am.

I get pushed down for what I believe in, what my opinions are, what I feel inside.

My family, relatives, and a lot of the people I thought were friends have done this in my direction. They say I’m not alone but is that really true? They say they are there for me but is that really true? Or are they only there for me til I have crossed their beliefs? Do we really have to share the same exact belief to be one? If we do not share the same belief must we be divided?

There were people messing with my energy so that I could remain stuck instead of moving on with my life. I find that hilarious considering I don’t mess with people's energy. I am busy making sure I work on myself, I am not focused on another person’s life. I have been removing these people so that I can breathe and think more clearly in my energetic space. The result has been feeling alone to attract the kind of people I actually align with.

As people, are we really divided or are we one? What I see is that so many people have chosen to live in fear. People believe what they read and what they hear so quickly that their own truths go out the door. This is fear.

Though people say they are not living in fear, they are just being cautious. So many people talk about living in faith but I don’t see this happening. I see people living in fear, lying to themselves first about living in faith, then to the people they come across. If you were living in faith so many things would be different. We would FEEL you living in faith. We would FEEL all of us living in faith. When people act on faith they act with their intuition. They act when their intuition says to do something or to say something. Even when it doesn't make sense to them.

When my next level started...

My grandma on my mom’s side died during my birthday month. April 5, 2022 my grandma died around 5am. The night before I woke up that early morning I dreamt that my spiritual abilities were growing. I woke up super early that morning to hear my mom crying and talking with my middle sister in the hallway. I walked out of my bedroom and my mom told me that grandma died. I hugged my mom. My mom does not hug people, though, she was hurting so I held her til she let go of the hug. I told her we were there for anything she needed.

My middle sister told me the night before that the nursing home was transitioning her room to become a hospice. I knew it wasn’t going to take long for her to leave. I knew it was going to be a lot faster than they were saying.

“Days or weeks. It's time to visit and say goodbye.”

I knew there was no time to say goodbye but I did what I always do. I said that whenever they wanted me to go see her I would. Why didn’t I tell my sister that we wouldn’t have that opportunity to say goodbye? She wouldn’t believe that. No one in my family would believe my intuitive word on that. So I pretended to be a human being and said that I would see her when the opportunity came up. Does it matter that I didn’t tell my sister what I knew was going to happen? Nope. What mattered was that I knew. That message was for me not my family. I have been practicing listening to my intuition and that voice has been getting louder ad louder.

My grandma’s death did have meaning. My grandma’s death has a purpose. She died because 1) she said for a long time that she didn’t want life in the nursing home so her spirit decided to check out when they put her in hospice, and 2) she is now my spirit guide.

She was the first human being to die and for me to receive download after download after download. I had never experienced anything like that before. I felt surprised at how sad I felt over death. I didn’t like her as a human being. She was the number one human being I was working on not being like. Why? She told me that she knew she should make changes in her life to be a better person and she chose to stay who she was. A bitter old woman with a lot of anxiety. Everything had to be about her. She told me she just wanted grandpa to change to make everything better. That’s not ok and was very telling on her end.

How is she my spirit guide? She was very manipulative. She has been showing me, much faster than usual, where there are lies.

The lies have been in so many places. The lies have been in the house I live in, the lies have been in the conversations with people claiming to be my friends, the lies have been in job interviews. I have been spotting lies in too many places.

There are people who think they are getting away with being kind with a secret agenda as to why they are talking with me at all. They think they are being clever. Nope. I see these lies beneath the kindness.

Receiving the energetic downloads from my grandma was difficult. There were times I felt like I had to drive my middle sister to and from grandpa's house to help him plan the funeral and to just be with him. I had trouble with focusing and I lost so much time so quickly. I had to pay extra attention while driving the truck. I would have been so fired as the new cashier by losing so much money. I just couldn't focus and there were things I no longer cared about.

While planning for my grandma’s funeral people were disrespecting her death. I decided to not go back to a job I had just been hired for because they didn’t care that my grandma died. They told me that it didn’t matter that I felt terrible and had to be with my family during the heartbreak. They told me I had to clock in for work anyway. They didn’t hear from me again.

I tried looking for work but the job interviews were so strange. My shadow self was being bashed brutally. I suppose that was spirit's way of looking out for my well being. I have had to rebuild the way I live my life since my grandma’s death.