Letter to my abusers

Hello. I write to you now, here, because God knows I'll never get to speak to you in person and there would be no reason to even try. You've both told your lies for so long even you believe them. You think you are clever, I think you are sad. Your life a fantasy that you make up as you go. Always acting like everyone loves you yet really, everyone knows. That has just dawned on me recently.

Yes you did make me into a raving lunatic. We all have our versions of life, we all live our own creations. We all see our own version of everything based on the life we have lived, the traumas we have overcome, and the things we have healed. We all have our own purpose and reasons for being here. Your version leaves you completely perplexed. You suddenly don't remember the lies, the other women, the control, the mental and emotional torture.

I spent a good 14 years of my life wanting to die. Begging God to take me. Sobbing when he didn't. I received therapy because I knew I needed help. I graduated and now I know what has been done to me. The damage I never deserved. The neglect, control, hatred, anger, mental and emotional abuse. I know. you all think you are great.

Goes to work, takes care of their kids. Look how much he helped her. What they don't see is that while you helped with one thing you broke or gave away 20 things that didn't belong to you. You just threw away whatever you wanted and kept expecting more from me. Even told me I needed to compromise. When I told you it was your turn you decided that was the end. Didn't you?

You didn't care how it would tear my soul to shreds. You didn't care if I hurt myself. You didn't care what you had done. You smirked like it was exactly what you wanted and you left my son to care for me. You took my car to go and be with your girlfriend. Who does that?

You are not just abusive you are evil. The way you can look my in the eye and say that I'm just after your money. Your money. Don't you have to have money to have people want your money? Besides you were the one that was just after money. You had been telling me all along.

Back then I still didn't know about boundaries and red flags, I didn't know about projection and brainwashing. I was just naive. Thinking we were raising a family. Thinking you were telling me the truth when you said you wanted to build a future together but that wasn't meant to be.

You preferred your customers. You preferred to lie. You preferred to cheat. You preferred someone else just like all the rest. Best thing for me of course but the lessons on the planet are beyond imagination. The things Humans can do to each other to rip each other apart

I know it's better to raise each other up. Takes less energy. I didn't know anything back then though. I knew darkness and nightmares. I knew lonliness and tears. I knew anguish in the darkest pits I've ever been left in and you left me there alone.

First while I thought I was dying. Then when I knew I was. Like one little demon possessing two different bodies and getting together to see the ways to hurt me the most. There were even others thrown in the mix like pepper being sprinkled across dinner while it's still sizzling in the pan.

They too, proclaimed to be friends, to care about me. They didn't get what they were after either I suppose because they treated me the same as the others. Now I've been left afraid of loving someone. Afraid of letting myself fall in love again only to have another person shatter me.

I write this only because I need to move on. I need to move forward. I deserve to love I deserve to live. I am worthy of all that is in my life. I am grateful for the lessons I have been learning but the ascension, the Karma, the lessons, the growth, it's all been very tiring. Very healing but very lonely. I try and release the grief, and anger. I try and forgive, because the past is gone and I need to let go.

I need to stop loving you as I did. I need to start loving me instead. I need to start believing in me. Neither of you had any faith in me because you had no faith in yourselves. I have so much to be Grateful for. I may not be where I expected to be, or where I wanted to be. But I do not fear being alone. I don't fear my inner thoughts. I long to know, to remember who we really are.

I want to move forward. I don't want to remember how much pain I went through for you. I don't want to remember the months I have forgotten because I am sure there is a reason I don't remember.

I gave it one more shot, trying for friendship that I dearly missed. Do you remember when we were young? When you were a different person? So was I, I suppose. Still naive that a person could turn out to be so evil. So hateful for reasons I did not understand.

The Universe knows our heart you see. We can't full it. We can't rush it. We can't control it. It brings us back what we send out. We have to vibrate at a certain frequency to get back what we want. We create our lives with our thoughts. If only I had known all these years. I was creating my own little hell by letting men treat me as they pleased. By letting parents take my voice, my truth, my identity.

Punish me as you see fit but I will no longer consent to the blatant disrespect of my person when everything I do is with an intent of kindness. I hae never intentionally tried to hurt anyone. I have not meant to intentionally hurt anyone. I have come here on a mission of kindness because I don't want others to feel how I've lived my life feeling.

After all the abuse. I mostly just felt like a receptical for everyones abuse. All kinds of abuse. Emotional, financial, mental, sexual. I was just a sick joke that was made for others to abuse.

I no longer believe that. I no longer allow that. I know I am worthy of better things. I know I am worthy of everything I want. Abundance is my birthright. No dream is to big. I can create whatever life I want I just need to decide and then take the steps towards that dream.

I am attracting Freedom now. The freedom to be living my life to the best of my ability. The Freedom of time, money, health. I am attracting the freedom to travel and explore and live how we are supposed to live. We were not meant to be these lost and broken souls that do nothing but hurt each other.

So for me, I forgive you of your pain caused. I understand you are walking your own path and your journey is different than mine. I will continue to find healing in my self. Gathering back the lost peices of my soul So far I have changed many contracts and gathered back two pieces of my soul. Each time makes me feel better. More whole.

You all thought you had the right to break me. Instead I just still stand here moving forward. One baby step at a time. You couldn't break me. I have a purpose here to raise this world up. I have had enough lessos for now. I hae learned to be strong. I have learned to speak for myself. I have learned to choose me. I have learned to walk away.