Let's Talk About Possessiveness In Couple

Many problems in the couple arise due to the possessiveness of one of the partners. You've probably seen or at least heard of men keeping their wives at home and not allowing them to go out alone, date their girlfriends, or arrange "too loud." Or women who catch fire only when their partner dares to even greet another woman. This is what a possessive person looks like on the surface.

Life with such a person can become a nightmare, especially if the partner does not realize that the situation is not caused by him, but by the possessiveness of the other springing from his inner problems.

First of all, you need to know that jealous and possessive people seem to be people with a lot of self-confidence, who know exactly what they want and are struggling to achieve their goals. They treat their partners as if they were children and suspect them of infidelity at the slightest signal. But behind their appearance of confident people is a huge inferiority complex.

This complex is most often at the root of the jealousy felt by a person who manifests himself through possessiveness. In his book, Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness, psychologist Paul Hauck identified 6 characteristics of possessive people:

Inferiority complex

Those who are jealous have very little confidence in themselves and always blame themselves. They are judged according to their achievements, performances, friends, and possessions. I think of them that they are better than people only if they look better if they are richer or smarter than others.

These people blame themselves if they do not have success, money, and love and thus come to believe that they are worthless as human beings and that they are inferior to others. That is why they are dependent on the love of others and their approval.

Any small sign that their partner may no longer love them is an extremely serious threat to them because rejection scares them to death. For them, the love of others is essential and that is why they defend it at all costs.

The master-slave mentality

Jealous, possessive people do not suffer in silence, but often show verbal or physical aggression towards their partner when they feel neglected or in danger of being abandoned. These deeply possessive people have a dangerous and undemocratic mentality, which they consider perfectly justified.

Their philosophy is based on dictator-slave relations, where they are always the ones who dictate, and the partner must be the slave of their will, to be a kind of property of theirs with which they can do what they want. They want the other person's attention, but they do not follow the same rules that they impose on their partner.

Behavior to be defeated

Possessive people are often psychologically blind. Although they are beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, they are very capable in many areas of life, these people behave uninspired and paradoxical when it comes to loved ones.

The greatest enemy of this type of man is himself. She is afraid of losing her partner's love, and yet she takes him away because of the annoying behavior of an annoying child who screams incessantly to get what she wants. By constantly accusing the other of all sorts of imaginary things, becoming violent, all he accomplishes is to drive him away.

Difficulty accepting responsibility

Jealous people have great difficulty accepting responsibility for possessiveness. He usually blames his partners for what they feel, for their emotional problems. Most jealous people do not have self-control and do not realize that what makes them jealous is only what they think about the other's behavior, not the actual behavior of the partner.

Don't take responsibility and blame the other person all the time, look for reasons to accuse him: because he smiled at someone because he was late. After all, he didn't stay home, etc.

Selfishness and immaturity

A possessive is usually a selfish person who wants to satisfy his desires without taking into account the needs of the other. These people are always selfish when something goes wrong in the relationship, although otherwise, they can be generous and mature.

But when they feel that their partner is paying attention to anything but them, the possessors become irritated. They can make scenes of jealousy even in public places, no matter what others say, and terrorize their loved ones because they believe that their partners are bad people who should be punished. I don't allow the other person to make mistakes and I think they should be loved by whatever they do.

The fear continues

Another characteristic of possessive people is the constant fear and threat they feel even at the most harmless incident related to their relationship. Of course, their partners can't behave perfectly, so they find a reason to be unhappy everywhere. The fear of being rejected, of not being loved, takes over the whole life of the possessives.

All these characteristics are typical of possessives and help you identify them and, ultimately, orient yourself when they try to disorient you. Because when you don't know these manifestations, a possessive partner can instill in you a permanent feeling of guilt, which can make your life a nightmare.