Let's have a conversation

Did you ever have a moment where you are sitting opposite someone and having a conversation and then realised… “what the hell are they talking about?”. I’ve had this happen many times, where it feels like a conversation is continuing simply to continue. There was no purpose for the conversation, it was just a complete waste of time. This is one of the very first things I published here on vocal, and it is a piece simply talking about my frustrations with small talk. I edited and rewritten some parts (because my English wasn't very good at the time… not that it’s much better now) but generally the message is still the same.

In our everyday lives we come across many people. Some we know, some we don't know, and some we used to know.

Small talk is defined by urbandictionary.com as being 'polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions'. It comes instinctively to people as they try to talk with someone they don't know or someone they have not seen for a long while. Small talk allows for some of the initial awkwardness to dissipate making way for two people to socialise. However, that does not always happen. Small talk can lead to further awkwardness like forgetting the topic you’re talking about because you weren't concentrating on the conversation, or an inability to extend the conversation further. This has happened to me before, and I’m sure it’s the same for you.

Having a real conversation with someone is something to be appreciated for what it is. A deep conversation is one where both sides discuss points, strengthen their own points, understand the point of view of the other and at the end of the day hopefully learn a thing or two. Understanding different points of view on a topic will solidify your knowledge and widen the range of subjects you can talk about.

For me personally, having a real conversation is enjoyable. I know that is not a word usually used to describe talking but it is accurate for my purposes.

Many people like talking about social events and other unimportant topics with passion which always befuddled me, because I never understood the enjoyable aspects of these conversations. This is the exact definition of "small talk" which means that in the modern era, in my opinion, not many people engage in real conversations. Of course I am talking about people who are roughly my age (late 20's) and younger.

The reason for this could be the declining levels of individuality I personally witness around me. Many people are influenced by celebrities and other friends into appearing or talking a certain way. Certain fashion styles, for example hip-hop or goth, rise in popularity and influence as celebrities begin promoting them, whether actively via adverts and such, or passively by simply engraining them into their daily lives. Such things can be major influences on young people, as they are often more impressionable. This can, and will, change their personality significantly overtime, which consequently changes the way they behave and talk. Many people following celebrity trends insist that they are being 'individualistic', when in reality they are following a pack without realising it.

Texting has also affected our way of conversing. "lol", "omg" and many other shortened words are quite useful when it comes to social media, or simply texting. However, I have observed people saying these things in real life. For example, saying 'lol' instead of actually laughing out loud. This, from what I observed, further declines the general level of conversation people have with each other. I couldn’t believe it when I came across this in real life. I couldn’t comprehend why someone would say “lol” instead of actually laughing! The person in question could not hold a conversation for even a few minutes before either changing the subject to something meaningless, or looking at their phone.

Of course, all of the above, my opinions on conversations and people in general, are subjective to my experiences. It might just be that I did not have coinciding interests with the people I observed, leading them to not engage in conversations.

If you don’t have this yet, I do implore that you look for people around you that you can have real conversations with. Conversations that have meaning behind them and can open your eyes to different ways of thinking. For example, you can engage with fellow writers here on Vocal. Even short interactions I’ve had with other writers here on Vocal, were more fruitful than long ones I might have with some people about nonsense… all I’m saying is, expand your circle and you might find more kindred spirits.

This is how we can grow as people and expand our horizons.