Kissing Is the Key to Pleasure

Time can kill desire. French psychoneurological Boris Cyrulnik even formulated a rule according to which "strengthening the bond weakens the desire." Are there any exceptions to the rule? Strictly speaking, no. But it would be a gateway for the pleasure to last, even to amplify with the passing of the years: the gate of the kiss.

Women and men are different in the way they construct their sexual pleasure. There is a core of senses used in much the same way (smell, taste, touch), but there is also a remarkable sensory difference: men especially want what they see, women want what they hear.

To give an example from the movie, if you think of emblematic erotic scenes (especially kisses) you will come to mind especially female images and male voices.

Kissing gate

And we get to kissing again. Kissing gate. This time I mean Brancusi's work. If we believe that the function of a gate is only to allow entry into a courtyard, we will enter in a hurry and very quickly reach the Table of Silence. It's the same in the couple's love life: in standard theory, kissing is part of the foreplay, it's just a preparatory stage of sexual pleasure. And yet…

"The only true language in the world is kissing," said Alfred de Musset. If we refer to the erotic relationship between a man and a woman, kissing is a bridge to the fulfillment of desire, but it is also a means of rejuvenation and transfiguration of desire.

And we come to the solution of the bitter problem usually posed by Cyrulnik: a certain desire is extinguished as it is pacified in a stable role, but another can take its place. This can only happen if we do not see the other only as a means to an end, to achieve a personal fantasy.

Kissing is not just an erotic exercise, it is a barometer that indicates simultaneously four parameters necessary for the permanent renewal of love: creativity, communication, autonomy, affection.

As I said, the woman and the man come with different sensory expectations: the sounds, the voice, the music are the frame that favors its opening, the visual frame is exciting for him.

Couples sometimes pay attention to variations in sexual positions as an ingredient in the renewal of pleasure, but do not realize that the greatest possibilities are offered by kissing; the combinatorial possibilities of sexual intercourse are limited, the possible stories on the lips are innumerable.

An erotic relationship evolves; we use the same words, but they can no longer mean the same thing; we can't create new words every day but we can create new shades of kissing (here we should admire a little the ideas of those who create lipsticks, and realize how words change when they have taste, smell, consistency, color, vibration ). This is the creative function of kissing.

Kissing instead of words

The communication function is obvious but often too rudimentary used. Kissing is the key to a successful erotic scenario. The quality of the kiss and the richness of references to the love story, predict exactly the level and quality of sexual pleasure. If there is no desire to kiss your partner even after intercourse, there is a lot of loneliness and aggression.

Giving the right place to the kiss is also a sign of respect and appreciation of the other's autonomy, and only between two autonomous partners can the kiss bloom in all its glory (yes, it's true, kisses seem fierier in the phase of falling in love, but then they are first and foremost a part of the foreplay and are saturated with expectations and fantasies; this type of flowering but it is short-lived).

Sexual intercourse can only be an impulse (sometimes aggressive) while kissing, which continues to be alive on the lips of long-distance partners, is a sure sign of affection, that is, of the trace that the other leaves in me.