Is Being Friends With Your Ex A Bad Idea (When Your Ex Wants To Be Just Friends)

There is a good reason why you are so broken hearted after the breakup - you still love your ex deeply and it hurts you terribly to be apart. You want to get your ex back and be in that happy relationship that you enjoyed for so long. Your ex has suggested that you still stay friends after the break up - how on earth can you only be friends with someone you absolutely adore?

Now that you and your ex have broken up, of course you will do the polite thing when you bump into your ex and great him her in a friendly way. However, if your ex is suggesting that you become buddies after your long relationship, then this is absolutely ridiculous! You don't want your ex to be a friend - you want to get your ex back.

The thing is, you and your ex shared a lot together - plenty of ups and downs, intimate moments, and were there for each other through thick and thin - you were a couple. Now your ex thinks that you should simply sweep the life you had together under the carpet and become just friends.

You need to get it through to your ex that you have plenty of friends already - what you really want right now is to get your ex back. Tell your ex that you will not be able to simply switch off the love you have for him/her. Say too that it would hurt you too much to see your ex become involved with someone else.

In fact, tell your ex that unless you and your ex can resume the relationship, you would rather forget about your ex altogether and get on with your own life. Instead of wasting your time trying to get your ex back, you can rather spend time healing yourself and making a new, happy life for yourself - without your ex.

All this might seem rather harsh to you right now, but just try to imagine what your life would be like if you and your ex were just friends. Every time you see your ex with a new partner, your heart would break - again. Do you really want to spend the next few months or even years feeling this way? I think not!

No Contact Rule After Breakup - Top 3 Reasons Why It Works

No contact rule after a breakup getting you down? Take heart! Sure, no one really wants to cut off all contact with their ex, especially if they've just been dumped. If you're the dumpee, it can feel like life as you know it is over. But hang in there. There's 3 good reasons why this one difficult step is so important to take so read on and listen closely.

Reason #1: Time and Space

Everyone goes through a process after a loss. Even though your ex made the choice to break up, ending your relationship is a loss for both of you. And each of you needs to come to terms with it before any new decisions can be made (like getting back together).

If you're in your partner's face, pressuring them, pleading with them or worse yet, practically stalking them...well, when do they get a chance to work through their feelings? How can they get the space they need? When will they have a chance to miss you? All they'll be able to focus on is getting the heck away from you!

Remember, push someone and they'll want to push back. Push your ex to change their mind and they'll only dig their heels in harder. It's instinctive.

Reason #2: Perspective

Both of you have a better chance at understanding what went wrong if you're not right on top of each other, doing or saying whatever it is that made your ex want to leave in the first place.

Stepping back from a situation gives you a better understanding and a much clearer perspective. And that no contact rule after breaking up gets the two of you away from all the small, petty stuff that happens when the two of you are together day to day. People kept apart often realize that those little things they thought were deal breakers may not be so important after all.

Or, YOU may realize you need to change certain things that bothered your ex. Going no contact gives you a chance to focus on yourself and on things you might want or need to work on.

Reason #3: The Jelly Bean Principal

The most important reason the no contact rule works is what I like to call the jelly bean principal. Here's what I mean:

Suppose someone offers you a handful of jelly beans and tells you to pick any one of them you want. Except the green one.

Now, which one are you drawn to?

See? If you stay "friends" with your ex and remain available for him or her hoping it will lead to them wanting you back, forget it. You're making it too easy! People don't appreciate something they know they can have easily, anytime they want.

The no contact rule turns you into that coveted green jelly bean. By making yourself unreachable and unavailable, you're increasing your ex's attraction to you. (Plus, your ex gets a chance to miss you!)

So while they might see you around town, or on Facebook, having the time of your life (fake it til you make it!) the message you're sending with no contact is: "hands off! No green jelly beans for you".

Bottom Line: the no contact rule after breakup gives you both a chance to experience loss and get some perspective on what went wrong. But especially, it gives you a way to tip the scales in your favor by tapping into your ex's instinctive desire for the one thing he or she can't have.

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