I Love You, but... I Love My Wellbeing More.

Tell me if you remember those times you told me that you love me more than our fights, more than our disagreements. Do you remember your intense love for me when we were kissing, when we were in your car and you were laying on me? Now, I want to know, why does your intense love disappear when we fight? You go days without texting me, and when you finally call me, I get really excited to hear your voice.

I asked you what your love language is, and I respected it. I wish you could love me in my love language. While it is true that you do things for me that I really appreciate and love, it is also true that you become this heartless person whenever we get into an argument. Remember when you promised me you would not react to any girls' selfies so I could be at peace? But then when I see that you reacted with a heart to a girl's selfie on facebook, my heart just broke, and the fact that you did it on the same day we had our argument kills me. When I confronted you about it, your response was the type of response that had me messed up. You were annoyed and kept telling me that you were not denying it, but that was not the point. I was not mad about you being honest. I was mad because you told me to trust you and I did, but you had broken your promise. You cannot tell me that it did not make sense for me to cry over the fact that you did something you knew would hurt my feelings.

How can you call me your princess when you make me feel like I am not. Is it really that hard for you to make me feel like your princess when we are arguing? I do not know if you remember, but I told you about how in my past relationship, my ex moved on with someone else literally a week and a half after we ended our relationship. I cried for weeks and weeks. But you, you went ahead and decided to hurt me out of rage on the same day we argued. I wished you could have stopped yourself and think about me. I wish you would have realised that I never once gave my attention to another guy in any way just because we had small or big arguments. My love for you did not change, and I never told you I do not care every time we would argue. I do not understand why you become this person who feels the need to be a jerk every time he is upset. Are you too proud to tell me you do not want to lose me? You think that telling me things such as "do whatever the hell you want" or "I'm not going to beg for a girl to stay with me" is going to make everything better?

I tolerated so much from you, and I do not know how many times I have to keep explaining to you that I never wanted you to beg for me or my love, but you confuse effort with begging. You view effort as a way of chasing after someone. Putting effort into a relationship means that you truly love that person because you do not want them with someone else; it means that you value them.

Without a doubt, I love you, but I also love being at peace, I love not having to cry, I love not having my heart broken. I do not want to end up exploding one day and doing the worst thing possible to you. So, I am choosing my wellbeing first. This does not mean that my heart is not broken. It hurts having to remove myself from someone who I consider my soulmate and my prince. But I value myself and I cannot allow you to continue hurting me and blaming me for your actions. I cannot allow you to keep belittling my feelings. Despite everything we have been through I know that deep down you are a good person. I can never have hate for you. I may not have a romantic love for a while, but I have self love and that is something that will never come to an end.