I Believed I was a Government Project

When I was a kid, around 10-years-old, I had this idea that I was constantly being watched. It got into my head that there were miniature cameras all over the place and that my direct family was a bunch of agents that were in on it. It was just a thought that sprung into my head one day. I knew that it was not true, obviously or hopefully, but as a kid, at that age, I asked myself, “what if?”

Sometimes the things my parents said made me think that they were working on me like I was a project of some sort. The next thing that came to me was the question of what or why I was being watched? What was I supposed to become? Was I supposed to become some sort of world leader or a super soldier?

The other idea was that the whole thing was done for me to become some sort of super-assassin. I remember waiting for my physical training to kick in. I don’t know what got into me, but it was a pretty weird thing to be thinking about at the age of 10. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were good parents. I think that my imagination just got the best out of me. I’m glad though. Because of my crazy thoughts as a kid, I am now a writer.

The crazy part of this idea that I was some sort of government project got scary when I came to the conclusion that I might be the Anti-Christ. I swear, I would scare the heck out of myself at night. I kept thinking that dark forces would present themselves to me while alone and go to work on me.

In reality, children are basically pet projects for most parents. Parents choose the schools for their kids as well as what faith to follow if any. Parents in modern times mold their children to what they think is right. Of course, some parents take it too far and push their kids to become something they do not desire. So, the thought of parents and their nature of bringing up kids might have something to do with my paranoid delusion that I was actually a project beyond their control.

I remember getting into a plane and thinking how the whole thing was a simulator. The plane never took off, it was stationed in one spot and a simulator went to work, hence the view outside the windows. Also, everyone on the plane was in on it. I pretty much thought this throughout every scenario of my life when I was 10. Everyone was an agent. The world was a giant stage and I was the subject for some sort of evil project. I was supposed to end up as some sort of superhuman of some sort. Weird right!

I would doubt some friends as to why some would come and go later as I got older. I would always question my mother with religious questions regarding the Bible. See, I was brought up Catholic. I also questioned a lot during my Bible studies for my Communion. The nuns really hated me because I kept pounding certain stories with skepticism from the Bible.

Anyway, these thoughts would pop up in my head all the way until I was almost 14. Then, when Jim Carey came out with the movie The Truman Show, I was so excited and knew exactly where that idea came from. I mean, everyone gets the idea that they are the main character of their world since everyone sees the world from their own private perspective. However, I don’t think that everyone came up with the idea that they are a special project made up by the government. I’m sure that idea was only conceived by a few. It’s a little absurd and looney.

I know now that my loopy thoughts actually helped me stay sane through what we all experience this thing called life. It can be very tough and hard, and I rolled with my punches. Some battles i lost, some I won, but I still prevailed and I am still kicking. The only thought that I have now is that the government is actually experimenting with all of us through technology. Yes, smartphones, cellphones, computers, social media, we are all now an experiment. So, good luck lab rats! Bwahahahaha!