How to Overcome Awkward Silences

I've been on a date years ago with a girl I had only met once before. We met in the McDonald's she was working at. At the time I wasn't totally aware that she was in to me. I just wanted to eat my burger and fries.

All jokes aside, my friend saw she was interested in me and got me her number. I called her later and we scheduled our first date. The date happened a week later. 

See, I was never 'good' at dating. I'm a reserved person who needs time to open up. With some people it takes longer than with others. I don't know why. I can't do anything about it. 

Then a week later it was date night and I got on the train on my way to the city she lived in. When I arrived she was waiting on the platform which was kind of cute. We said "hi" and "how are you?" and we went on our way to a café she wanted to go to.

On the way over there one thing became clear quickly. Like, really fast. We didn't have much conversation material.

Awkward Silences are Awkward

Quite an understatement, I know. But it's true. On our way to the cafe (it felt like forever until we got there) our conversations just wouldn't exceed "so how's school..?" Don't need to tell you it was, well, awkward.

When we finally arrived at the cafe we had some things to 'talk' about. "it sure is nice here, isn't it". The café was alright. Nothing special. Then we switched to "hmm, what to drink?". Looking at the menu made it less awkward for about 2 minutes. I wanted to order a beer but I didn't know if that was appropriate. We both then had hot chocolate. 

They're stressful too, these awkward silences. You're constantly looking for something to fill the void with. The longer you keep silent the more awkward it gets.

An hour later we called it quits. Thank God. Not that she wasn't nice or anything. She was. We just didn't have much conversation material. We paid for our drink and then she walked me back to the train station. That's the last of here I've ever seen.

Tips to Overcome Awkward Silences

If you're looking to have better dates than the one I had, which I can wholeheartedly recommend, you're in luck. Because, for the most part, awkward silences allow themselves to be avoided. When you meet someone new it's unlikely you have a huge amount of stuff to talk about. You don't know the other person just yet. It's normal. 

But that doesn't mean there need to be many silences either. I'll show you a couple of ways you can make sure awkward silences decrease by a lot during your next conversations that you have.

1. Learn basic icebreakers

You don't need to have world-class speaking skills in order to master a bit of small talk. There's nothing wrong with asking "how are you?". Or "what are your hobbies?". Both questions can help start the conversation.

Talk about the weather if you must. As cliché as that sounds, it does work. 

2. Ask open questions

Open questions are questions that can be answered by just 'yes' or 'no'. They make for a bad conversation because right after the other person has said yes or no, it's silent again and you need to come up with another question. 

"Do you like this cafe?" is not an open question. "Why do you like this cafe?" is. "Do you like to read?" is not an open question. "What do you like to read?" is.

3. Think of topics forehand

Depending on who you meet you can already think of a couple of topics to talk about before you meet the person. This will help you to jumpstart the conversation when it dies.

It can be music, books, TV shows, or sports. Anything really. By talking about different topics it can happen that you end up talking about something the other person likes as well. That's wonderful. Common interests make for an easy conversation.

4. Avoid flat answers

It can happen that your conversational partner isn't as up to date as you are and asks you a closed question. What do you do? Well, you better avoid a flat answer.

Examples of flat answers are: "yes" or "no". Or even worse, a short: "yeah".

What works way better is if you explain why you said "yes" or "no" in the first place. Explain your choice. This is how you give the other person information to keep the conversation going. 

5. Don't be afraid to end the conversation

Conversations don't last forever. So if you feel that the conversation just doesn't work or the end is insight, don't be afraid to end it. In a nice and calm way of course. Don't just grab your coat and run out of there. 

If it's uneasy for you to say goodbye you can use an excuse as to why you really need to get going. You can say your grandma texted you saying she can't switch the TV on once again. "Oh that grandma of mine". Make a joke out of it. This makes you sympathetic. 

Closing Thoughts 

The one date I had with the girl from McDonald's at least taught me 1 lesson. How painful awkward silences can be. Up to that point I never had a conversation with so many awkward silences. Never had one after either.

Luckily I know how I can overcome most of them now. You'll always keep having some awkward silences in your conversations. And that's OK, you're human after all. Not some robot that's hardwired to keep taking all the time. Some people who are a bit more reserved appreciate silences from time to time.

One more thing to take away is to always stay relaxed. Be who you are. Only focusing on avoiding awkward silences can backfire. You'll seem stressed and that can be a turn off for your conversational partner.

Work on your conversational skills, stay relaxed and remember to have a good time. That's how you overcome awkward silences. 

-Thanks for reading!