How to Learn to Say “No” Without Becoming Impassive

Each of us has been in a situation where you have to say "no" out loud, but it's so hard to do. It is complicated because from an early age we were taught to be "good", permissive, comfortable, not to be capricious. We thank the parents for this ability, due to which (to some extent) the complicated socialization process is easy.

But few of us have been taught to understand and defend our interests, to reject inappropriate requests, and to say a simple "no." In adulthood, the ability to be "comfortable" becomes very uncomfortable.

While it is extremely important to sometimes refuse people to live a fuller and more harmonious life. But the most important thing is to live your life. Stop solving other people's problems and focus on your own.

To improve your living conditions, your personal life, to study, to change your job for a more interesting and exciting job. Or the one who does not know how to refuse has an unsatisfactory grade in this regard.

By constantly helping your relatives, friends, colleagues, neighbors, anyone, you do not notice how your life is going on Saturday. Or most often you are the one who ends up with nothing. Few will answer you with the same coin. It is very convenient to have a shoulder by your side that you can use whenever you need it.

He who has decided to learn to say "no" must understand that many will oppose and do not understand the refusal, will be upset or even accuse him of being ruthless, and "he has changed a lot, but not for the better." It's not something out of the ordinary.

People don't like change. They don't like to lose their usual and comfortable things. And your back, where they've been sitting for a long time - is a very comfortable place for them. Be prepared for such reactions, this is an inevitable stage of human formation.

The ability to refuse can be acquired. So what do you have to do to learn to say no?

Change the accents

Ask yourself a series of questions and try to answer them honestly. Here are some examples of questions:

• If someone doesn't have time to repair and ask me for help, is this a time-management issue for him or me?

• If I get sick, go away, or go away, what will he do without me? He'll handle it, won't he? Or will he lose, tight in the grip of his problem?

• When I agree to help, do I WANT to help? Or am I "forced", "forced", "uncomfortable to refuse"?

• Will I ever receive help from this person or any gratitude that will allow me to supplement the resources consumed to solve this problem?

• I have a carefree life and I have so many resources that I am ready to be burdened with the problems of others? Am I in the right mind?

Repeat

Sit in front of the mirror, imagine a request to your address, to which you will say "no". Say this "no" loudly, clearly, firmly, calmly, and confidently. Without your voice trembling, without the excuses on your face. Repeat for a long time until it becomes a natural process.

Stop justifying yourself

You don't have to apologize for refusing. Stop it! You have every right to do so. If you are diligent, you can explain the reason for your refusal, but you do not have to justify yourself. Repeat this step. Remember different situations in life and try to explain your refusal.

Don't go into details

Don't complicate things. You don't have to explain. You could limit yourself to general expressions, such as:

• I have other plans for this hour.

• I would be happy to help you, but not now.

• At the moment I don't have the resources to fulfill your request, but if they do show up, I'll let you know.

• No, thank you.

Postpone solving this problem

If you are not ready to give an immediate answer, if you are not sure how to proceed, then usually do not answer. Take a break from thinking.

• I'm not ready to answer you now.

• I need to think about what you told/proposed to me.

As soon as I have free time, I will make the decision and communicate with you.

But don't postpone the answer when you don't usually intend to answer. This is usually annoying. At least it irritates the right people who don't suffer from amnesia.

Be prepared for the most varied reactions

Don't be afraid of negative reactions to your refusal. You have every right to defend your borders. If anyone is upset, that's his problem. Allow people to deal with their negative emotions on their own, that's none of your business.

But control the situation, be careful not to turn into a heartless man who never lends a helping hand to those who need it. You have to learn to defend your borders. Thus, as a result, you will have more resources for good deeds. The only difference is that you will choose when, how and to whom to lend a helping hand.