How to Instantly Disarm a Narcissist: 10 Phrases That Work

I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of run-ins with narcissists. You know, the people who are always trying to one-up you, always talking about themselves, and never seem to be happy unless they’re making other people feel small? Yeah, those people.

Narcissists are master manipulators and often use coercion, guilt, and gaslighting to get what they want. It is best to avoid engaging with them whenever possible. However, there are times when you cannot walk away. If you find yourself in this situation, here are 10 phrases that will instantly disarm them and hopefully make your interactions with them a little bit more bearable.

1. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

This phrase is short, sweet, and to the point. It communicates that you’re not going to put up with being interrogated or made to feel like you need to justify your actions. This is a good phrase to use when they are trying to gaslight you or make you doubt yourself. Narcissists want to control everything and everyone in their lives. By telling them that you don’t have to explain yourself, you’re taking away one of their tools of control.

2. “I’m not going to argue with you.”

Arguing with a narcissist is futile because they will never admit that they’re wrong — even if they are. This phrase abruptly ends any possibility of an argument before it even has a chance to start.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This is a neutral statement that acknowledges their feelings without agreeing with them. It puts the responsibility for their feelings on them, not on you. It also shows that you’re not going to put up with their disrespect any longer.

4. “I can’t control how you feel about me.”

This phrase puts the responsibility for their feelings squarely on their shoulders and takes it off of yours. This is a great response to any backhanded compliments or put-downs that a narcissist tries to pass off as “constructive criticism.” No longer are they in control of how you feel about yourself — you are. This phrase also serves as a reminder that your worth is not contingent upon what someone else thinks of you.

5. “I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this right now.”

Narcissists love nothing more than getting a rise out of people. If they see that they’re starting to get under your skin, they’ll keep pushing and pushing until they get the reaction they’re looking for. Sometimes, the best way to deal with a narcissist is to simply walk away — and this phrase is the perfect way to do it. By telling the narcissist that you don’t have time for their BS, you’re putting them in their place without being rude or disrespectful. They may not like it, but they’ll get the message loud and clear: you’re not going to tolerate their narcissistic behavior.

6. “I’m not going to tolerate your disrespect any longer.”

This is a strong phrase that shows you’re not going to put up with their bad behavior anymore. It’s important to stand up for yourself and set boundaries with narcissists. They will try to push those boundaries, but if you’re firm and consistent, they will eventually back down.

7. “That’s not going to work on me.”

The next time a narcissist tries to pull one of their usual tricks, hit them with this phrase. It’ll throw them off because they’re used to people being manipulated by their words. This phrase communicates that you’re not going to be a doormat; you’re not going to let them walk all over you. It sets a boundary and shows that you’re not going to put up with their BS.

8. “We each have a right to our opinions.”

Narcissists hate having their beliefs challenged. They often react poorly when someone disagrees with them. This phrase will help diffuse a situation where a narcissist is getting upset because someone doesn’t share their point of view.

9. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

This phrase shows that you’re taking the other person’s opinions and thoughts into consideration — even if you don’t agree with them. It’s a good way to end a conversation with a narcissist without agreeing to do something that you don’t want to do.

10. “Can you please clarify what you mean by that?”

This phrase serves two purposes. First, it shows that you’re interested in what the narcissist has to say (even if you couldn’t care less). Second, it forces them to explain themselves more clearly. And if they can’t, then it exposes the fact that they’re just trying to confuse and mislead you. Asking for clarification is a great way to disarm a narcissist without sounding confrontational.

Bonus tips for dealing with a narcissist:

Avoid asking any “why” questions. Why questions give narcissists an opportunity to justify their behavior or make excuses. Instead, make assertive but neutral statements. For example, you could say something like, “I noticed that you didn’t keep your promise to call me back.” this statement is factual, and it doesn’t give the narcissist an opportunity to weasel their way out of the situation.

Use “I” statements. For example, you could say, “I feel disrespected when you don’t keep your promises.” this places the focus on how you feel instead of on what the narcissist did or didn’t do.

Remember, narcissists want you to react. They want to get under your skin and control the situation. So, the best thing you can do is remain calm and collected. Don’t let them see that they are getting to you. This will take away their power and hopefully diffuse the situation.

Narcissists thrive on making you feel like you are the problem, so don’t let them succeed!

Narcissists are master manipulators. They always seem to know just what to say to push your buttons. But if you know how to disarm them, then you can take back the power in the situation. If you find yourself regularly dealing with a narcissist, whether it’s at work or in your personal life, it’s important to have a toolkit of phrases that will help you disarm them. Use these phrases next time you find yourself dealing with one, and see how quickly they back down.

Have you had any experiences with narcissists? How did you handle it?