How to Influence People

Although they may seem like Machiavellian techniques at first, these psychological tricks are innocent, "clean," allowing you to influence people, bring them to your side, or get them to help you, without causing them any harm. bad, without transforming them into puppets, without diminishing their respect for themselves.

I know, many of you, I can blame you for not being right, that we must always be as honest as possible, open, and appealing to the reason or goodwill of those around us. Have you ever wondered, honestly and objectively, how many people around you are truly rational or benevolent?

Ask for favors - The Benjamin Franklin effect

Ask someone for a favor, ask them to do something for you, and you will be amazed at what will happen in the end! According to a legend, Benjamin Franklin once wanted to bring to his side a man he did not like. He asked her to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked her warmly.

As a result, the man who had never wanted to talk to her before became one of Franklin's best friends.

A quote from Benjamin Franklin: "He who once did a good thing for you will be more eager to do you one more than someone who is indebted to you."

Scientists have tested this theory and confirmed it. Although it may not seem like it at first glance, you might think this way: if someone did you a favor, they probably thought you deserved that favor, and since you deserve it, they realize you should like it!

Aim as high as possible

Ask someone much more than you want to get from them, and then reduce your demand. This psychological trick is known as the "front door approach." You start by pretending to be someone for a long time, knowing in advance that you will be rejected.

You come back soon after that, and you claim something much smaller, in fact, exactly what you wanted from the beginning. The explanation is that the person will feel bad after he refused you the first time, even if what you demanded was exaggerated, so when you ask him, the second time, something reasonable, this time he will you feel somehow obliged to help you.

The importance of the name

Say a person's name or title (doctor, director, lawyer, etc.) as often as possible when talking to them. Dale Carnegie, author of "How to Make Friends and Influence People," said that mentioning someone's name was very important.

He said that a person's name is the sweetest sound that can reach his ears. The name is a central part of our identity, so hearing it somehow validates our existence, and we are inclined to appreciate the people who care about us in this way.

Saying a person's title has a great effect due to the same principle. The idea is that if someone acts like a certain type of person or is suggested to be a certain type of person, they become that type of person.

You can use this to influence people by referring to them the way you would like them to be and causing them to think of themselves that way. For example, you can call an acquaintance you want to be "friends" or "comrades" whenever you meet her, or you can always call a man you want to work for a "boss."

Flattering

Flattering allows you to get almost anywhere you want. Although it may be obvious in the first instance, there are a few things that allow you to use it effectively. If it is not accompanied by sincerity, it can do more harm than good. Researchers have studied the motivations behind people's reactions to flattery, and have discovered some key aspects.

People tend to try to reach a cognitive balance, always trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in the same way. So, if you flatter a person who has high self-esteem, and you are seen as sincere, they will be inclined to like you more because you confirm the way they perceive themselves.

However, if you flatter a person with low self-esteem, you risk being answered angrily, with irritation, and being rejected, because you have not been on the same wavelength in terms of how it is perceived.

Imitation

Imitate the behavior of others! Imitation or mimicry occurs naturally in humans. People endowed with such abilities are considered to be a kind of chameleons; they try to integrate into their environment by copying the behavior, manners, and even speech patterns of others. Consciously used, this ability can make you agreeable to those around you.

Scientists have studied mimicry and found that people who are imitated are inclined to act favorably on those who "copy" them. Moreover, it turned out that those who imitate have a tendency to be more beautiful and more agreeable to everyone in general, not just "their imitators." Once again, this has its origins in the satisfaction of having their personality confirmed as they see it.

Use fatigue

Ask a favor of someone who is tired. When a person is overwhelmed with fatigue, he tends to accept whatever is asked of him. The reason for this behavior is that fatigue manifests itself not only physically, but also mentally.

When you ask someone who is tired, you will likely receive a response such as "See you tomorrow," "We'll solve it tomorrow," because that person doesn't want to make a decision at that moment.

The next day, however, she will be inclined to do what you ask of her, so as not to break her word. Usually, a thing confirmed by psychology, we can not stop ourselves from doing something that does not give us great pleasure, just to keep our word.

Make an irrefutable offer

Start by proposing something you can't refuse, and then continue to pursue your goal. This technique is the opposite of the "front door approach." Instead of demanding too much, start by asking very little.

As soon as a person has committed to helping you or has agreed with you in a certain way, they are expected to respond positively to an even greater request. Researchers have tested this technique in marketing.

They first asked some people for support for the conservation of forests and the environment, a rather simple request. They then discovered that those people were much easier to persuade to buy products that were related to naturism or environmental conservation. According to psychologists, it is advisable to let a day or two passes before making the second request!

Shut up

Don't correct people when they make mistakes. Dale Carnegie pointed out that telling someone you're wrong has no effect other than taking you away from that person. There is a way to show your disapproval and turn it into a polite conversation, without mentioning to someone that he did something wrong, something that hits him painfully in the heart of his ego.

This method is called the Ransberger Pivot and was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. It's simple enough: instead of blaming him for making a mistake, listen to what someone who did something wrong has to say, try to understand how he feels and why he feels a certain way.

Then, point out the common things, what you share with that person, and, starting from here, explain what your position or opinion is. Thus, she is more likely to listen to what you have to say, and it allows you to correct her without hurting her pride.

Repeat the words of others

Paraphrase people, repeat the words they just said. One of the most effective ways to influence people is to show them that you really understand how they feel, that you have real empathy for them.

This can best be done by repeating their words, a technique called reflective listening. Scientific research has shown that when therapists use reflective listening, people are inclined to reveal more emotions and have a better therapeutic relationship with the person treating them.

You can practice this technique with your friends. If you listen carefully to what they say and rephrase their words as in a question, you confirm that you understand them, and they feel much more comfortable talking to you.

Also, their friendship with them is about to intensify, and they are more willing to listen to what you have to say, because you, in turn, listen to them very carefully.

Approve / nod

Nod in the affirmative when you speak, especially when you are going to ask for a favor. The researchers found that if people nod (affirmatively) when they listen to a person's words, they have a better chance of reaching an agreement with them.

At the same time, it has been discovered that when someone frequently nods in front of you, it is natural for you to end up doing the same!