Dating: Do's & Don'ts
Dating: Do's & Don'ts

How to Help Your Partner Feel Beautiful

Having a partner that displays insecurity can make it hard to keep a relationship. Here's how to help your partner feel beautiful.

How to Help Your Partner Feel Beautiful

Once upon a time, I was with the father of my child. He, at first, seemed to really find me attractive — but then after a while, that ended. I soon began to feel very alone, and not only because of all the problems I was having with my health. He made me feel lonely, and worse, he made me feel ugly and unlovable.

If there's one thing I learned about dating from him, it's what not to do when you want a partner who has confidence. Had he actually been caring towards me, he would have made me feel beautiful, even when I was sick.

Honestly, I really just wanted someone to romance me and put in effort to be with me. Had he actually listened to my cries for attention and romance, I probably wouldn't have been in such a bad state of mind when he dumped me.

Sometimes, I wonder if he realizes how hurtful he was to me. Other times, I think he just wouldn't care regardless. Even so, many people tell me that they "just don't know" how to make their partners feel good about themselves.

Guys, if your partner is going through some shit, this is how to help your partner feel beautiful the right way.

First, understand that there is only so much you can do to "fix" a person.

The foundation of confidence comes from within, and nothing that you do can give them that self-esteem. If they have a lot of issues dealing with self-esteem, then they will probably need to work with a professional to work things out.

You can tell them, all the time, that they are beautiful and handsome. But, if they have issues that make them not believe you, it won't matter. People who have extremely low self-esteem generally have a very hard time dating and keeping things healthy.

If you feel that you need to make them feel beautiful constantly, or that if you don't, they'll lash out at you, it's not a healthy relationship. At this point, you may want to suggest getting counseling involved to help them get better.

Tell them that they are beautiful, and tell them about what you enjoy about them.

Talk is cheap, but a compliment once in a while can make everything better. Saying things like, "You're beautiful," and "Goddamn, your butt looks great in that," can mean a lot to someone who feels unsure of themselves.

Every guide that's dedicated to teaching you how to help your partner will tell you that compliments are important — but only to a point. If you just talk the talk, but don't walk the walk, all it will do is mess with their minds.

So, now that you know that you need to compliment them occasionally, you probably are wondering how to "walk the walk," too. The next tips will give you a heads up on how to avoid help your partner feel beautiful, rather than help them feel hideous like my ex did.

Buy them clothing they would like to wear, in their size.

One of the easiest ways to help your partner feel beautiful or handsome is to take them shopping and let them pick out cool, stylish clothing that flatters their figure. It's a subtle clue that shows them that you like looking at them, and that you like the way they look.

To a point, this harkens to the concept of "eye candy," but trust me, your partner will forgive you. Everyone likes to know their partner is proud to be with them, after all.

If your partner is insecure about their weight, get them to do activities with you that involve exercise and healthy dieting.

I'm going to make the assumption that you don't care about the size of your partner, as much as the way they feel about their weight. If you care about the size of your partner, find a new partner.

Losing weight is a personal choice, and telling your partner that they need to lose weight or saying something along the lines of, "Do you *really* need to eat that?" is a quick way to shatter their self-esteem.

A lot of people who are insecure do want to work on their looks, but either don't know where to start or have partners who don't know how to help them with it. So, here's how to help your partner feel beautiful — and also potentially get healthier, too.

What would have worked for me would have been my partner asking me to go to the gym with them, or having my partner cook healthier food for me. You'd be surprised at how often a casual invite and a healthy home-cooked meal can make your partner feel beautiful and strong.

However, when I asked for my ex to take me to the gym and teach me to lift weights, he flatly refused. So, don't do that. It'll make your partner think you're ashamed to be seen working out with them at the gym.

Additionally, talking about your own weight issues with your partner and asking them to help you stick to a diet is a smart and tactful way to get them onboard with losing weight, too.

Flaunt your partner, and include them in your social life.

One of the easiest ways to help your partner feel beautiful is to make them feel accepted and wanted. Introducing them to your friends and family can do that pretty quickly, as can giving them a helping hand if they recently lost friends.

This is one thing my ex did that constantly chiseled away at my self-esteem. He never introduced me to people, and even though I had a kid with him, he never wanted to have me involved in his social life. Both me and my daughter were compartmentalized and basically treated like a "dirty little secret."

If you value your partner, make them part of your life — even if you don't think people would understand. Flaunt them, and let them feel like you actually care. This will make them feel way more beautiful than you'd believe.

Appreciate the gestures they do, and be romantic right back at them.

My current partner is one of the best examples of this rule in action. I've never felt prettier than when I am with him, because he appreciates everything I do — and also gets super-romantic with me, too.

Candlelit dinners? Yep. Romantic gifts "just because?" Absolutely. I don't think either of us have felt so good or so loved in a relationship before, and it's glorious. I've actually cried happy tears because some of his romantic gestures were so heartfelt and wonderful — a new thing for me.

Also, it's important to appreciate the little things your partner does, too. Thank them, marvel over them, and dote on them. Otherwise, they'll stop doing those little things thinking you didn't care.

Show physical affection to them.

For some people, the best way to help your partner feel beautiful is to have sex with them, seduce them, and touch them. If you act like they are not sexy, they will not feel sexy — and trust me, actions speak louder than words on this one.

If you're not physically affectionate with your partner, or if you don't want to have sex with your partner, they will end up feeling unloved. Worse still, they may end up hating you for it.

Commit to them, and be good to them.

Most people who need a confidence booster want to know that their partner is legitimately into them for the long run. They don't want to live in fear that they will be replaced, and they don't want to sit there, wondering why they're "not good enough" to be deserving of full commitment.

They also don't want to feel like their partner doesn't see them as deserving of love. They want to be acknowledged, appreciated, and cared for.

This was the other major thing that ate away at my self-esteem in my relationship with my ex. Do you have any idea how painful it is to feel like the only way you can get love and commitment are to drag your date, kicking and screaming, to the altar?

If you do, you'll understand why being willing to commit and being good to them is the most powerful aspect of learning how to help your partner feel beautiful.

Obviously, there's a time and place for this type of thing, but if you notice that your partner is begging for commitment, maybe it's time you actually do something about it — or let them find someone who will.

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Ossiana M. Tepfenhart
Ossiana M. Tepfenhart
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Ossiana M. Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of NJ. 

See all posts by Ossiana M. Tepfenhart