How To Get Along With Your Husband (My Husband and I Can't Seem To Get Along)

After being married for more than 10 years, raising 3 children yet getting along with my husband has been such a challenge, that I left my teaching career, and head on to my newest career, which is being a full time mom and wife. In my younger days, I've been a Jazz singer, a vocalist for a rock band on the side, later became a girlfriend to a drummer and eventually, became his wife. I have learned so much about dealing and talking with men, that I can actually tell how they think and how they react to women. I can say that I know guys better than most girls do because I've always been surrounded by them, since I was young, having 3 brothers, all my best friends growing up were all guys as I enjoy their company even at school because they don't gossip much and they don't like too much drama. All the bands I've ever been with were dominated by men, I've seen them do stuff and heard them talk to each other, like there's no woman around because they all consider me as one of them. My very best friend and my man, who always lose to me in our drinking competition, is a drummer and a painter, and I married him. My goal is to make my marriage last, and to make it fun, while in the process.

So let me share 5 techniques to guaranty a peaceful and harmonious relationship with your husband, as I've learned from all the men I've ever talked to and observed. I am still learning more, and I am in an endless pursuit to keep a good relationship with my husband. Hopefully, these tips work for you in getting along with your husband, the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with...

How to Get Along with your husband in 5 Easy Ways:

1. Get to know the real him - Do not focus too much on the background, the past and the skeletons in his closet. If your objective is to get along with your husband, finding out too much about his past and previous activities and relationships may bring you to react negatively, and suspect his every move. What I mean by getting to know the real him, is finding out how he thinks, his passion and knowing his interests and hobbies. If you think you know your husband because you've been together for so long, you might be surprised that you do or you do not share a lot in common, after all. Unlike women, men still think that even after getting married, hanging out with the boys, going to bars and playing sports is still fun and interesting. They're also more inclined to acquiring new interests and activities their friends are currently into. Remember, like most men, your husband wants to keep up with his buddies, and like a high school kid, he wants to "go with the flow". Take James, a husband with 2 children and has been married for 10 years, he admits hating the Saturday Night Movie Marathon with his wife and kids. " I love my wife and kids, and would want to spend as much quality time with them as I can, but I can't sit on the couch and watch 3 movies in a row, I'd rather take them out for dinner, kiss the wife, tuck the kids to bed, and then hang out with my buddies at the bar I use to frequent." " I would also like to catch up with my buddy Lawrence, who just made his first million in Realty, and he hangs out at the bar every Saturday. My wife won't understand, so I play along and pretend I look forward to our Saturday evenings."

By finding out about his interests, you can be ahead of him and suggest that he might want to do this and that with his buddies, and you'll be surprised as to how huge a smile your husband gives you, and would probably buy you that $300 pair of shoes you've been praying for, just because you let him do his thing. To most men, giving them freedom and supporting them with their recreational activities is showing how much you love them. Better yet, if you find that your husband's new hobby interests you too, you might want to join him and get to spend more time with him and do some stuff that you both enjoy.

2. Understand your husband and try to find out how he thinks - If you're not a Psych Graduate, or an expert in body language or profiling, do not trust your assumptions too much and don't be confident that you know how your husband thinks. They think differently than we do, and it's hard to read his thoughts behind his smiles and sweet talk. Although you are not an expert in psychology, do not despair, there are ways to be able to tell what he's thinking. Women usually assume that men think like we do, and they share the same priorities as we do. Again, we go back to the differences between a man and a woman. A man doesn't think like we do, they sometimes act like we do, perform tasks we would, and sometimes talk like we do. But more often, while they're doing what they think we want them to do, they're thinking "I would rather hang out with the boys, and play basketball, than help out with the kitchen chores, if it weren't for the in laws coming over for dinner" and/or "the reward I get from my wife tonight if I do such a great job." Mike, one of my closest friends in the office and a very nice guy, is a husband with 3 young children, and has been doing the laundry since his wife gave birth to their second child. His wife, brags to her girlfriends, that her husband, unlike theirs, work really hard, but still does the laundry and enjoys it. Mike admits to me that he hates doing the chore, and said "I love my wife, and I still feel guilty about my affair some years ago. I don't want her to find out, so I show her how much I love her and because I regret ever having an affair, I do the laundry." Not only is there a lingering gap between Mike's wife and him, that his wife doesn't know about, but Mike is also torturing himself and doesn't deal with his guilt properly. This went on for several years, partly because Mike's wife assumed that she knows how her husband thinks. Mike is unhappy, secretly.

To learn how to discover or tell what your husband is thinking, you need to communicate with him in a way that he won't feel you're spying on him, or you're just snooping around because you're brewing a fight. Instead of talking too much, try to observe quietly, and participate in the small conversations your husband starts. Another effective way to find out about your husband's inner thoughts is to get to know his friends, since more men open up to their friends, than their wives. When you get a chance to talk to your husband's friends, talk to them without alienating them, and try to discover what your husband is like when you're not around. Start with very light and casual talk, put some humor if you can, and when his friends are comfortable enough, they tend to spill the beans. Also, listen to your husband and pay attention. If you feel like he's hiding something from you, and you think you should pursue to find out what it is because you want to make your marriage last, listen to what he says, and how he says it. Instead of assuming that your man is so good, "he does what he needs to do without me telling him", you should take time to discover what he thinks is fun and enjoyable, and what he thinks is tormenting and difficult. That way, you can support him with his likes, and help him avoid or deal with his dislikes. When you understand your husband well enough, you'll be able to communicate with him more effectively and peacefully.

3. Do not criticize your husband - Unless he asks you for your honest opinion, which is really "Can you reassure me and boost my confidence?", you do not want to start a conversation by criticizing him. If you feel like telling him the truth, say for example he looks like Barney in his favorite purple shirt that he's wearing to your daughter's school play, that you personally want to tear shirt off him before you both get into the car, say "Honey, that's a nice shirt, but not for the school play because the I think the stage is set with purple drapes." Later on, if he sees that the stage doesn't have anything purple, he would think and probably ask you why you said the stage has purple drapes, you can either lie and say the school changed it, or you can tell him the truth that the shirt is not as nice as he thinks, but follow it up with you're so much more handsome with that shirt you're wearing now than the purple one. You get my point? Men hate to be criticized, especially if their critic is the wife. Compliment as often and as sincerely as you can, and be careful with your "honest opinions". You may provide feedback, which should include the good and the bad, but avoid plain criticisms, if you want your husband to enjoy your company.

4. Know when to talk and when to shut up - Good Communication is always the key, I can't stress that enough. Now don't get me wrong, I am a woman too, and I hate men complaining about women talking too much, especially if a woman has a point. But the fact of the matter is, we have an objective, and this is to steer clear of arguments and fights, be liked by our husbands, and get along with them. As a woman, I know how wives feel and how much we need to get our point across, but honestly, we don't need to overdo it. Nobody likes a blabber mouth and a nagger, not in the office, not in restaurants, and certainly, not at home. Men and women alike, are drawn to soft spoken, smooth talking and smart people, who only open their mouth when they need to. The most likeable people I know are the quiet and nice ones, and the people I stay away from are the loud and noisy ones, who keep talking all day. A guy friend of mine who was engaged to a beautiful, hot model, rumored to have dumped him, was surprisingly happy at another friend's party we both attended. I asked him if the rumors were true, and he said "Yes we broke up, but can you keep a secret? It was me who dumped her, and because she has a career, I opted to lie about it and told everyone she dumped me." Naturally, I asked him what got to him that he dumped a perfectly beautiful and successful model, and he answered "She wouldn't shut up!" Of course, at the moment I didn't believe him, and thought maybe it's just his way of getting back at her and that his embarrassment is just too much. So when I had the chance to meet this female model, I wanted to confirm my friend's claim. And wouldn't you know, I was just past telling her my name, when she opened her mouth, and it was like Pandora opening her box. My friend is right! She just wouldn't shut up and her voice is close to a shriek and what's worse is her endless cursing. I can't blame my friend for dumping his model fiance after I met her. Bottomline is, men and women hate people who talk too much. If your husband wants to talk to you, make sure you don't turn your conversation into a talk show, with you as the host. Less talk, less trouble.

5. Have fun with your husband - You may not think that watching a basketball game is a good idea for an anniversary date, but if it guarantees your husband's enjoyment, you should consider it, and have as much fun as you can with your hobbies. We never share the exact same interests and fascination with anybody, we all have our differences. No matter what it is, as long as it doesn't compromise both your time and your morals, what the heck, go for it. If he likes mountaineering, get trained then hike with him. At first, having fun with your husband means you enjoying his company while he enjoys his activities and you supporting him. Eventually, if you truly love your man, and you see that your tiny sacrifice makes him very happy, you'll be surprised that a boring or an unimportant activity for you, turns out to be awesome fun when you see the smile on his face, enjoying the moment, with you.

It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying… Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.