How To Give Your Husband Space While Living Together (Living Together During Trial Separation)

When a marriage breaks up it is a very emotional time. The couple may feel they have failed as most people see marriage as a serious commitment. There will be tears and remorse felt by the couple and the family around them.

A month or so before they may have been in the park with there kids having a wonderful family day. But here they are heartbroken at the prospect of a family break up. This is a time for a husband and wife to try and make it easy on their children while dealing with their own feelings of loss.

The children may not understand what is happening and will be trying to get mum and dad to stay together. There will be pleading from the kids, which can only make it harder for the parents who are trying to do the right thing.

Like most parents they probably love their kids very much and seeing them in a state of confusion and fear would be tearing them both apart. Mum and dad know that the problems in their marriage have reached break point but they are beginning to think splitting up all together may not be such a good idea. So what are the alternatives to this heart-wrenching problem?

If the couple are still able to talk they can contemplate living together though aware a divorce would be still on the table. There kids would still be able to live with both mum and dad who will be quietly trying to sort things out.

So what will this caring couple be up against? They will know that their marriage is not l viable and will have to learn brand new ways of getting on with each other. If there is any anger felt they will need to get a handle on this very quickly. It would be okay if it were just the two of them battling out in their home but with a couple of kids around mum and dad would need to keep their cool and think about the affect it will have on their kids.

Children may hear from mum or dad that they will be getting a divorce but they will tend to live in the present (bless them) and go with the flow of that. They will be happy that their parents are still together and looking after them. They may even tell their friends about mum and dads divorce but it will not really affect them, as they will not see much change. That is apart from the upset and rows they were having up until their parents called a truce so they could make some serious decisions.

They may stay living together until the children are older and are aware there will be many mixed opinions from family and friends. Some will say they should call it quits and move on, but what if dad has always been hands on and could not bear being parted for so long from his children. Weekends are hardly a great way to keep in touch when all the teaching and shaping of the kids future is done during the week. Mum and dad have to stand by their decision, as it is the children they are thinking of. Try to explain to the outer circle your reasons for this plan. If they love you as they should then the support will come.

So how are these people going to rearrange their living arrangements to make things really work? Their lives have been turned upside down by the break up and they are now faced with living semi-separate lives. Some parents will continue to share the same bed while others will choose separate bedrooms. They may still have sex and enjoy each others company without the pressures of being married. Money troubles and other differences may have pushed their marriage to the edge. Feeling a new sense of independence the couple may actually enjoy living together as roommates.

There will be a lot to consider as their living arrangements come under close scrutiny. It may well be that the household duties will need to be split down the middle. This will depend a lot on whether one or both are bringing home the bacon. If only one part of the couple is then all the things like cleaning the house doing the washing and shopping may end up the responsibility of the stay at home mum or dad. The keeping up of the home so depends on how things worked before. But if that was an issue in the marriage (as it often is) now is the time to make all things fair.

Boundary setting may be a rude awakening for the couple as it may have been non- existent up until now. Giving each other space will be essential through this time and respect for each others privacy also.Having somewhere to retreat too if old issues of the past come up will be important. Not having an awareness of the importance of boundaries is why a lot of marriages fail. Partners who are bullying and controlling have no regard for their partners thoughts or dreams and would have left them feeling crushed and without a voice. BOUNDARIES are put in place to allow mutual respect to grow. If this was the reason for the break up this style of living may bring a reconciliation.

It may be that mum or dad wants to begin dating again so how this is conducted without hurt to the children or a partner will be with a lot of sensitivity. Your marriage is over so it will be possible to meet new people but I suggest meeting them away from the home, which is neutral territory, would be a caring choice. Sometimes this can show the couple how good they have it at home and it may lead to a rethink in the marriage. I think it is wise to keep the kids out of it as they are feeling stable and loved. Any new potential mum or dad is going to make them worry.

There are a lot of couples with kids living this way and managing to make it work. When you break up with a partner the impact on them and the kids can be catastrophic so it is not surprising when parents stay together because of their much loved children. There are those that will criticize parents for not making a clean break. When you think how kids that are a product of unpleasant divorces have physical and psychological problems you can hardly blame parents for wanting their kids to have a stable home and parents that both love them.

There may be a lot of reasons why a couple choose to live together during or after a divorce. Top of the list may be the lack of money available to set the kids and one parent up in a new home. Another may be enough funds to pay the mortgage and what ever other debts they have incurred.

Divorce is such a final statement and if it can be handled with dignity instead of rage or regret the children and the partners will be able to move on with their lives easier. The effect of a nasty divorce can be devastating to all concerned. Each partner may use the children as leverage in their continuing battles and force them to take sides. When a couple continue to live together while working through the issues leading up to a divorce it shows maturity and sends the message to their children that mum and dad love them so much they are willing to do anything to keep them happy.

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