How To Deal With Interfering In Laws (How To Stop Meddling In Laws)

Marriage. A new life together, Just the two of us?

Well so we thought. Too often the meddling in-laws start sticking their nose in or one of the spouses runs home to Mummy and Daddy at the first hint of trouble in the marriage.

Why do you think there are so many In-law jokes, actually there is no relationship that has more jokes attributed to it. These jokes can defiantly be funny, but in reality an in-law to close with no set boundaries is no joke at all and is the cause of all sorts of marriage problems.

When we enter into marriage we have expectations on the various roles each of us will play eg: finances, children, around the home. These sometimes take a bit of ironing out as we go but with good communication a good partnership is formed. Teamwork.

However, In-laws that are too close either emotionally or geographically can impose or push the boundaries too far on their amount of input regarding decisions to be made by the couple. Will they both work, have children, how many. These are emotional decisions so interfering can cause conflict.

Being Able To Resolve Conflict

We will all experience this so we need to learn to deal with it together not go running to Mummy or a Husband that disappears to the parents couch after an argument.

A parent will mostly naturally side with their child so should not be a mediator in a dispute as it is hard to remain objective. Sometimes conflict is healthy for a husband and wife as it teaches to be able to resolve situations by working through it together.

Undermining Authority Of Parents

A child is where it really can become a problem if not addressed from the beginning. The innocent Grandparent is one of the great examples, especially because is generally good natured. The little "Oh don't discipline him he didn't mean to do it. It is well intentioned but completely undermines the parent's authority especially in front of the child. An in-law can interfere even more if you choose to bring up your child under a whole different set of rules and standards than your upbringing.

Ways to Control Your Meddling In-Laws

One of the most complex problems that married couples face is meddling in-laws. Most of the time, it is the cause of frequent quarrels between husbands and wives. Here are ways to help you control them from poking around and trying to run your personal business.

1. Talk About It. An effective method of keeping your in-laws especially parents-in-law from meddling into your relationship is to talk about how you want your own affairs to be handled. Tell them your expectations out of your relationship with them. This is important if both of you live under the same roof. By voicing out your concern you will resolve conflicts regarding decision-making, disciplining the children, finances and other family matters.

2. Draw The Line. Being open to your in-laws is okay. But being too open and accommodating may lead to abuse and lose of respect. Learn to draw the line between what is acceptable openness and what is not. For example, it is common practice to let your in-laws use your house as a vacation house. If you are around during their stay, it is but natural that you do all the cleaning. You are a nice host after all. But what if they use your house while you are away and left their mess for you to clean up later on? Then it is not acceptable. You may need to tell them your preferences or if you cannot be straight forward, you may hang a short notice inside the house that everyone will see the next time.

3. Assert Your Rights As Parent. Grandparents have an annoying habit of contradicting the way you raise and discipline your own children. They will say yes to a child's whims even if you just said no. This problem is hard to resolve if you live with your in-laws but can still deal with it if you know how to assert your rights correctly.

4. Move Out. For families who are so closely knitted, leaving the family nest is hard to do even after a son or a daughter already got married. That's why couples who plan to get married are advised about making an agreement as to where to stay after the wedding and the family house of either party should not be an option. But if you are already in such a position, consider moving out and move out far- not at the back of your in-laws house, adjacent to it or just a block away. That way, you will be out of their prying eyes and you will maintain a more harmonious relationship with them.

5. Always Get Your Partner's Support. All of the above will not work if your spouse does not give his or her support. Before you can control your meddling in-laws, make sure your partner is there ready to stand by you.

No matter how you look at them, your in-laws already form part of your existence. They are your spouse's immediate family and they were there for him or her from the very beginning long before you came into the picture. You may not like them but at least you can be courteous to them while trying to point out who is really running the show.

It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

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