How a Shy Guy Removed His Fear Of Rejection Almost Completely

I still remember my first approaches at parties. 

I was about 20, rolling around in bars trying to make conversations. I tried the Mystery Method and ten other "methods" that didn't work. Every time before the approach, I feared.

I talked to groups of girls, and it felt like public speaking. I feared girls would laugh at me if I remember correctly.

It taught me valuable life lessons, enough to fill a whole free ebook.

I told myself, "You have to do this. There's no other way." Back in 2010, it was true. Tinder and OkCupid weren't invented yet. You had to talk to people in real life.

Throughout all these years, my fear of rejection decreased to a minimum.

The harsh truth

You can't "remove" the fear of rejection.

Surely not like pressing a button and making it go away (maybe with alcohol or drugs, but I don't do it). Whatever you resist- you persist. So I don't try to fight my feelings at the bar or wherever.

It's like jumping into a cold pool. Hard at first, but minutes later you feel warm. Your body adapts to the temperature of the water.

Approach after approach, you'll notice fear decreases as the night progresses.

The trick is, the next day, the pool is cold again. So you go through that mini-process again. Don't put pressure on yourself, thinking, "This must go away! Why I don't feel better??"

This mindset will increase your anxiety. Deal with the fear of rejection like a pebble in your shoe. It's there, and it's uncomfortable, but you do your thing anyway.

Action and time decrease anxiety

The more action you take, the more confident you feel. 

Men grow by dealing with challenges. The more you talk and date women, the more carefree you'll be.

Talking to women is a skill. Dating is a skill. Making love is a skill.

As with anything, you do your best to conduct yourself right, prepare however you can, and then go for it. You can't control the result. No one can. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and try again next time. Do that enough times, and you'll win.

But even if you don't get what you want, these experiences become part of you. You learn from them, and they shape "who you are."

You don't want to get stuck in this vicious loop when you fear women; then, it grows with time. You want to get on a loop where you take action, learn, and become more confident than last time, then do it again.

2. You feel better with age as you turn into a grown man.

I think I read this in "The Male Brain" by Louann Brizendine.

Until age 25–26, your body can't accept that you deserve a hot girl. You're still a bit of a kid.

I remember something shifted in me when I turned 28. All this pickup and dating bullshit didn't seem like a big deal anymore.

It's just talking to women, that's all.

I felt like I'd graduated. I've been through stuff most people my age don't deal with. Like losing a father. I also gained tremendous self-respect since I dealt with depression, built a career, and made something out of myself.

Lots of people don't deal with those things. They run away from them.

As long you deal with the shit life throws at you, you'll feel more relaxed with time as you'll turn into a man.

Get a life 

Back in 2014, I met lots of guys from the pickup community.

They had enthusiasm and wanted to improve. They went to seminars, went out twice a week, and posted on forums. The issue was they put too much effort into this.

When you focus on getting laid all 24/7 and don't have other interests, guess what you just did. You put all your time and energy into other people- women.

This thing called "getting girls" becomes so important you turn outcome dependent. Go out and talk to women. Date them and have fun. But don't make them the center of your world.

Work on your career, studies, business or whatever it might be.

Go to the gym. Build social circles and keep in touch with your friends.

All these will put you in a mindset where you have a lot to give.

It'll pull you out of anxiety since you don't focus on it too much.

If you don't do anything other than go out with women, this can be an issue.

Get a life. Do not make women the sole purpose of your life.

Next time you're at the bar, to this

Forget about "routines." I don't have an approach "routine". It seems logical, but the problem is they don't fit reality.

Human interactions are dynamic. Unexpected. If you ask me, trying to fit them into a box doesn't make sense.

Get going bit by bit. Talk to the bartender. Talk to your friends. Sometimes I talk to a girl I find less attractive to get going. It puts me in the mood and helps me relax.

Then as the night progresses, I get looser.

And keep it simple. It might be "simple-silly", "simple-serious", "simple-edgy", or anything else you think will work. For example, I might walk up to a group of girls and tell them, "We're robbing a bank tonight, and we need a crazy driver; who's in?"

Lol. I use that sometimes. Or I walk up and ask, "What are you drinking?"

A little way in there, that's all I need.

Here's the thing- behind all that, there's "emotional intelligence" in play. Meaning you sense the situation and go from there. It's some instinct you develop.

You won't develop these instincts if you don't experiment. So approach and don't overthink it. The more relaxed you become, the more you'll be able to improvise and spark conversations out of nowhere.

Conclusion

The road to feeling "enough" might be long, but if you don't give up and are willing to deal with life's challenges, you'll win sooner or later. It's only a matter of trying, learning from your mistakes or success, and then trying again.