Healthy Communication

All healthy relationships require effective communication, which is a learned skill. I used to be a passive communicator who never spoke up when something bothered me. I let people walk all over me, and I never set boundaries. Learning to communicate takes practice. Here are some communication tips I use and have taught clients of mine in the past.

Using I Statements

I statements are non-accusatory and don’t put others on the defense. When you use I statements, you state how you feel without attacking your partner. For example, there is a difference between saying, “You never text me back!” and “I feel worried when you don’t respond to my texts; I’d appreciate more communication."

The second statement allows someone to receive our message more openly than if you begin the communication with an attack on the other person. I statements are an assertive form of communication rather than aggressive. Utilizing I statements also allow you to speak up for your own needs and wants in a relationship rather than hoping another person can read your mind.

Show Appreciation

Don’t take your significant other for granted. We tend to take those closest to us for granted. One of the best parts about my relationship with my significant other is we continuously build each other up. We say “thank you,” “I appreciate you,” and “I love you” frequently. We don’t take each other for granted, it’s nice to have that kind of love.

Set Boundaries

We all have limits. In my past, I didn’t love myself enough to set boundaries, or state when I needed space, or say if I’m not okay with something. I’ve grown now into a much better communicator and into someone who loves themselves a lot more than I used to. I know where my limits are and what is and isn’t okay for me in terms of relationships. It is essential for each person in a relationship to identify what their limits are. What are your limits? Are you strictly monogamous? How much space do you need for yourself? What are your views on drugs and drinking, and how do these things affect your relationship? These questions are just food for thought on the journey to setting boundaries with a partner. Setting and enforcing limits is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships.

Use a Code Word or Phrase

Although I have greatly improved at communicating from where I was, feeling unsafe from my past relationships sometimes creeps into me having difficulty saying what I mean with my partner. I am a Highly Sensitive Person, so talking about complicated feelings almost always leads to crying. I have the best partner because when I can’t spit out what I mean, I say, “I’m struggling with words,” and they understand. They are patient and will wait until I can take a deep breath and say what I mean. When I provided couples counseling, I used to teach couples to have a word that signals to take a timeout, especially when emotions are running high or there is a tense situation. I practice this in many of my relationships to calm down and have a clear head before saying something I regret. Taking a timeout and revisiting the situation when one is calm allows both partners to gain a clearer perspective on the situation.

Communicating effectively is a skill that takes practice. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. I encourage you to try out these tips for better communication in your relationships!