Friend Zone is Fake

The friend zone is a myth. No seriously, it’s a myth; so please stop laughing sir. It is a poor false amicable description of unrequited selfish affection. Frequently, this term is coined with women placing men in the “friend zone”; but why? Does having a vagina wield the place of punishment to receive that blame opposed to the impressive skill to take a pounding, push things out and bounce back to normal? That’s a lot more I can say about a stiff board, but I digress.

Not too long ago, but not long enough a male friend of mine abruptly asked mid-conversation if I had thought of him sexually. I can not remember what we were talking about, it could have been a way to solve world hunger, but either way this question seemed important to them; I answered honestly and told them “No”. I continued the conversation with what I wanted to talk about but their ego had been bruised, and apparently that became my responsibility, They proceeded to force the conversation because that could not have been the truth; though they know how honest I always have been. I knew what he was going to say before saying, because every woman has had this conversation enough to know they’ve all studied the same lamenting script.

“Are you sure?” He asked in his best coquettish tone.

The awkwardness flows from him and my irritation opens up for the first time, but I was going to be diplomatic and explain; it was a first time offense. “Yes, I’m sure, no”. I speak with confidence again to be as lucid as I can. Through the text I could hear the knife he imagined in his head was plunged into his chest and back. I tried to continue the conversation but it was determined to not let it go.

“Why not? I’m good looking!” He barked, obviously forgetting his table manners along side with his significant other.

“It has nothing to do with looks, I simply have not. We are friend.” I exclaimed, as I began to put on my figurative battle boots and tug on my expurgating sword; it seems a figurative orchiectomy may be in session.

He proceeded to attempt to convince me that I was hiding how I felt, regardless of my brutal honest history. He attempts to tell me that I was flirtatious with him and why was I flirting, the truth is I didn’t. I was nice. I laughed at a few jokes and made conversation, because I saw him as a human; not a sexual conquest. Is it possible that my behavior was perceived as flirting? No! The reason I can confidently say I was not flirting is because I do not feel safe flirting with men, and I am not alone in that feeling. Men will think I am flirting with them because I smiled to say “Good Morning” and I have genuinely heard “Oh you saw that, she wants my D!!!!!”, and then they’ll testicle slap each other by the tips like a chest bump in agreeanice of my sexual intentions that do not exist.

I only flirt with men I am actually involved with or women

Let me explain my style of flirting. I am very nerdy and quirky in my own way. I pay attention to the little things a guy I am with is into. I was with a guy who liked my cosplay, even though I an not professional at it; I surprised him with it and made the nerdiest of comic jokes to get his attention. I have a very silly purr I specifically do with a significant other. I am very handsy with the guy I am with as long as they are comfortable. I had an ex-boyfriend at a supermarket, and I was in the mood, he was holding up 2 melons to his chest; and I yelled across the supermarket “NICE MELONS!”.

I pinch butts if they are okay with it. I’m all about consent and things that are specific to the guy I am with. I am also clumsy and nerdy, or as one guy put it as a “hot mess” and I was trying to flirt with him and was doing a horrible job; so I said “Hey I’m trying to flirt with you and it’s not coming out right!”. I’m intelligent, sexual and curious, but I also know my quirks; all while applying consent. So when someone is trying to convince me I was flirting with them, I can confidently tell them “No I was not.” Do not attempt to convince I am not “aware of myself” and victim blame into your fantasy that does not exist.

Laughing does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Wearing a dress that makes me feel good, whether it is long or short; does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Wearing a tank top, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Reading a book in peace, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Tapping your shoulder to get your attention to tell you to get out of my way politely, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Being shy, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Walking by you and my hips happen to move or sway, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Dancing, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Dancing with you, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. Breathing, does not mean ”I want sex with you”. There is no set guaranteed formula to interpret if someone wants sex with you, unless they are a predator. 😒

I know it’s a lot to swallow and not in the way you intended, but try to digest it during your own time. Truth is most people will actually tell you the truth if you ask them and ACCEPT their answer respectfully, if you think they are lying about want to sleep with you or be with you that hard; then see it the way how women see it….as a 🚩🚩🚩😁

I am more likely to flirt with my girlfriends, a woman I met at a bar; because I have no fear of them assuming I want sex and it is owed to them. I have never had a lesbian follow me because breathing was counted as flirting. Hell, lesbians flirt with me often and I flirt back; because I feel safer doing it that way. So no, my supposed friend, I was not, nor will I ever flirt with you. As a woman, the social construct of our objectification begins from birth; and rape culture exacerbates the problem.

The conversation continued much longer than it needed to but he was adamant. He eventually went to page 70 of the scripted “Friend Zoned Chronicles” and told me he was hurt. I am an incredibly warm person but even mother will tell you; I can be very cold. I provide that warning to people and manipulative people always think I’m joking, don’t get cross and we won’t have trouble.

Immediately I corrected him, “Your feelings are not hurt, your ego is”. A visual silence fell across the screen of no typing then they agreed. They felt friend zoned, which is the ultimate male betrayal. I thought I had a friend who didn’t mark me as a sexual potential. He is flirtatious but I literally took it as that. He was flirtatious, I have no reason to assume he thought I would want more. However, to cover my ground if he said something too flirtatious I would respond with “lol” and immediately ask about his significant other; just in case. The “friendship” has never been the same since and it’s because I failed to complete their expectations. Sometimes we converse but it is not the same, because it was never a real friendship.

There was a guy I was temporarily friends with who spent much of their time trying to appear as perfect as possible. I didn’t mind being friends with them because I enjoyed conversation because I pick people out based on the conversations I can have with them. They had confessed to my best friend, one of the few testicle carriers that I actually like having around, that they were interested in me.

My best friend knew that I had no interest in anyone and that I was focused on a few things in my personal life that held a strong a priority over being in a relationship.

His advice was “You can let her know right now she’s just looking for friendship so my advice is to simply be her friend”, he didn’t listen.

I did develop a tiny, tiny, tiny crush on him but it was never enough for me to want to pursue anything more than that. We were not compatible and I did not trust his ongoing performances of “perfection“. After a few years, I noticed the true nature of their soul and I disliked it. I didn’t judge them for it but I also knew this was not someone I truly wanted to be around too much either. I am a big fan of people being happy…else where.

He would work hard to control the narrative about a particular girl friend who he used to like but pick someone else; he always seem to badmouth her in a way that did not sit well with me. It seemed his “nice guy“ persona revolved around tiny comments of her deserving a bad relationship because she did not pick him. because nothing says mature quite like “you’re unhappy because you didn’t pick my penis”; essentially that’s what you’re saying. I disagree, no one deserves to be poorly treated; and they should have been mature enough to respect her choice.

Eventually, he admitted that he liked me but I had told him it was a small crush on him and another friend of his; but I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with either of them nor was I going to. I meant it. He was upset that I even had a small crush on his friend I’m kind of obsessed over it but was also trying to figure out why I thought I was not compatible with them. It seemed their angle was to focus on if it was a self-esteem issue. It was not. I know myself extremely well and I also know what I am willing to put up with and what I am not going to put up with. I could be friends with a lot of people but that does not mean I want an intimate relationship with them.

They would make manipulative commentary of how women my age would normally settle down by now; and I would have to shut down the conversation. They would always feel uncomfortable and I always expected them to badmouth me the same way they badmouth their other friend for placing them in the friend zone. Sure, there are women who would settle down because that is what they want; but I do not want to settle down with you. Of course, the friendship ended because they had their MENarche phase kicked in and I didn’t care to be bothered with their hallucinations of superiority complex.

The endless conversations of a guy who is friends with a me and realize I mean it when I said “No”, and then they disappear or have an attitude with me because I am not interested. You owe me nothing. I owe you nothing. You are not below me. I am definitely not below you. I’m bred of Lilith, so I will not submit to anyone; but I can and always be as diplomatic as I can.

Friend zoned! Oh No! The sex doesn’t come out after the quarter on a string of kindness were inserted! Dam!

The friend zone is rather incredibly appalling. Here I am a woman of many capabilities, dwindled down to my crotch capabilities. I thought I had a friend. I thought I had someone to talk to. I thought friends are supposed to be there for each other, go out for drinks; not be friends to manipulate people into what you wanted. The friend zone is a myth, men made up to validate why a woman does not want to sleep with them; the extra annoying thing is that the guys who complain about this directly and indirectly all read the same script of male fragility. Are there women who can fall to this category? Yes, but the social construct of society will say the woman is crazy for feeling “friend zoned” but will also blame the woman for not being interested in the man for putting a guy in the “friend zone”.

In a world where mayhem is more than a commercial, having friends who are genuinely there is not a horrible thing; but you are the horrible thing if you genuinely are not.

And before anyone can say “Not all men”, and out yourself to what my rant is about, just relax and get your own beer; I already have mine

Well I’m done ranting about testicle carriers for now, but gentlemen instead of complaining about the friend zone because sex didn’t fall out of the machine; go to a sex worker. That is literally their job to make you as happy as can be, unless you’re scared…Also, women like sex we don’t want to feel like you were only friends as a lie to get sex, if we’re interested we’ll tell ya.