First Love

I remember trying to draw a perfect little heart on a note for the first time. It just didn't seem to look right no matter how many attempts were given. There I was, 5th-grade math, completely ignoring what was probably a very important lesson. I can't quite remember the teacher's name but I do remember hers as well as the awkward competing emotions, thoughts, and hormones running through me and my mind. Embarrassment, because up to this point, none of the boys in my circle had admitted to really liking a girl yet. Confusion, well because this was all new. It hadn't been a whole year before that I remembered not wanting anything to do with a girl because they didn't typically like sports or dirt.

Now, however, that doesn't seem to matter, in fact, the thought of spending time with someone who isn't usually dirty and mean seems to be really appealing to me. I never noticed her before but now she is all I can seem to think about. I mean she is faster than most of the boys, but she is nice and smells pleasant and my stomach gets butterflies when we talk. This is crazy, I tell myself, she probably thinks boys are gross and doesn't notice me anyways so try to squeeze the thoughts out of my mind. A mind sometimes will not rest until it gets just what it wants, so no use trying to ignore it. I gather enough courage to ask one of her friends if she likes me but try to play it off like it isn't the biggest deal in my little world.

A whole day later, sitting in the same classroom, ignoring yet another lesson trying not to think about the biggest mistake I just made in my life that was sure to get me laughed at. Suddenly, her friend, our go between drops a note on my desk and giggles. I think that this is it, here comes the shame and embarrassment, and how can I play this off? I must have turned sun burnt red because the note giver asked if I was going to pass out. No, I said meekly, "it's no big deal." but it was absolutely the biggest deal ever. I opened the note, the writing was beautiful, and it said that she did like me too. It instructed me to reply with a heart if I wanted her to be my girlfriend. My mind and heart exploded with joy and so many emotions I felt overwhelmed but then thought all this note writing and hearts was something boys laughed at as "girly" so I said I would never do that.

This nervous giddy feeling is completely new to me as I sat there trying to draw a stupid perfect heart because now, I was madly in love and she could get me to draw hearts all day long, in secret from the guys of course. This euphoric feeling was exhilarating, and I felt like I was floating on air for the rest of the week. I swore this feeling would never end and that we would be together forever. Well, that didn't happen as is the case with most, but first love is life transformative. It's something that one doesn't easily forget because it's a clear transition from one phase of life to another. The first love may not be the one we end up with for life, but they do stay with us for a lifetime. There are many forms of love, the love of a parent, the love of a sibling, the love of a best friend but there is nothing quite as life-changing as first love and that in itself makes it one of the most special gifts of life.