Fear of Involvement in the Couple’s Relationship, Where Does It Come From

Fear of involvement - the classic scenario: you love each other, you understand each other well, the relationship would be perfect if back, he wouldn't shy away from moving on in your relationship. , says that "this is not the time to talk about this" (although you have been together for some time).

And as time goes on, this stagnation can become too frustrating for you - as if there is something between you, something that separates you, something that keeps you from being happy…

Where does this fear of getting involved in the relationship come from?

Fear of losing independence and freedom. The representatives of the opposite sex are often afraid that, once they are in a stable, "serious" relationship, they are caught, they end up "under the slipper"… Even if they love their girlfriend, they also love their freedom: the freedom to have their own space, to do what they want, even to do the little things - to leave the plates in the sink, to stay in bed for an hour, to sit in pajamas/panties…

And if the girlfriend is too "sticky", if she asks too much of their time or "violates" their personal masculine space with feminine objects, they will give back - thinking that this is the "first step towards slavery"!

Fear of being hurt. This is a reason for the fear of involvement - most often, and for the fairer sex. When the person thinks "if it will end", "if it will leave me", "if things will not be as I want" - then the idea arises that to reduce failure and loss, to suffer as little as possible, it is necessary to get as emotionally involved as possible.

You thus have a certain advantage in the couple. It's a bad mentality for the couple and the person - you always think about what could be worse, considering that you have to be prepared! And so you sabotage the relationship. People who live with this fear are those who have suffered in past relationships - those who carry an "emotional baggage" behind them… Those who have been hurt too many times and have created a protective wall…

Fear of "maturity". Seriously getting involved in a relationship is equivalent to the end of a crazy youth and the beginning of a "big man" life. And some men just don't feel ready, they want to have the freedom to be immature, f they feel like it.

Dislike of pressure. Those who are often pressured by family: "when you sit at home with a nice girl", "when you give us grandchildren", "when you enter the world" - accumulate frustrations and tend to do the opposite, as a way to impose independence and show how things are.

And if the lover is the one who puts pressure, who always talks about "where our relationship leads", the reaction is the same - the opposite, of not complying. The person feels that their family or partner wants to control them - and they revolt.

Not the right person. The fear of involvement may not be, in fact, a fear - but a refusal! Maybe the boyfriend/girlfriend just doesn't see this relationship as "that relationship", maybe he didn't think at all that things could get very serious - maybe he still wants to experiment and this relationship is just a stop… Maybe not he reves and is in a relationship just because he is fun and comfortable.

The relationship is not in the first place. But sometimes he/she loves - only he/she doesn't feel like it's time to get more involved - to move in with his / her partner or get married. This may be because a,t this point in his life, he puts other aspects of his life first, has other goals he wants to achieve: for example, completing his studies, developing his career, accumulating savings.

He feels that he must first be successful in this field and only then can he focus on the couple's relationship. It is not necessarily such a bad thing: if the partners really love each other and if the one who postpones the evolution of the relationship sees himself, however, together with the current partner in the future. All he needs is time - and the other partner has to decide if he can give her that time or not.

Fear of failure. Similar to the fear of being hurt - the person does not trust the existence of a happy, lasting relationship that does not end badly. People who have experienced a painful failure in their past relationships have lived with this fear: that the past will be repeated… Especially divorced people, who no longer place much trust or hope in a new serious relationship.

Fear of involvement is a stalemate and a difficult hop to get past in a relationship - sometimes the other partner is too frustrated and hurt by the person's refusal to get more involved and chooses to leave because he feels it is easier that way. than to remain in a relationship in which he feels second, undervalued, and unimportant.

What those in such a relationship need to know is that often, if the partner says and shows that he loves, then he only needs time. Don't try to push, motivate or rush him - the more you insist, the more you give him back!

Approach the subject with empathy and find the root of the fear of involvement - if it is not related to the lack of love, then maybe you can accept and wait for the other to be ready. Show him that you do not press him and that you are not like those of his past: that you will not hurt him, control him, limit him, manipulate him, deceive him, leave him…