There once was a time where we were complete strangers. Connected by blood, but never in the slightest did we know anything about each other. You left when I was little, such vague memories I had of you for a very long time. I grew up never knowing my worth, or never knowing how a man was to treat me. These vital lessons every girl should learn. Until that one snowy night when I called you to save me from the gates of hell. I had not gone in at that time (hell I mean), because you drove 13 hours to pick me up. I remember when I got in to that rental a mess, smelling of truck stop, my heart broken, and full of fear. As I got into your vehicle to head “home” (at least for the time being) it was like getting into a strangers car. The whole way was an awkward silence. I had nothing but the clothes on my back from snowy Colorado to the sunny state of California. I had been apart from my kids, just like you were from us. I remember my entire time getting to really know you. With the gift of walking in your shoes for a couple months astrayed from my babies, I understood why you were absent. I understood why you too were separated from me. My time with you definitely closed chapters and started new ones. I realized how alike we were in so many ways. All the times when I was little where my mom would yell at me “that I would end up like my fucking dad” at the time I feared. Those fears were put to rest because you were pretty fucking awesome dad. I was able to hear your side of the story, not only my mothers which made you out to be some horrible person. I realized that the longer you were away from us the harder it must of been to face us, because that’s exactly how I felt. I remember we saw Led Zepplica a cover band of Led Zeppelin, I was so excited to experience that with you because my mom always said you loved them when I was little. So this became one of my favorite bands because of you. My sons middle name is Zeppelin. We sang every song at the top of our lungs. When we went dancing at that Mexican restaurant by the house, with that cowboy hat of yours. Having a Redskins jersey in your closet when you were a Raiders fan, just because they played on the Super Bowl I was born on. How can I ever forget the infamous shorts with your big long boots saying creepily “mad max, mad max”. I am so happy that I got these memories with you, gratitude engulfs my heart when I think about all those mistakes I made at that time that led me to get to know you. Led me to fucking heal. You told me during that time “it took 34 years to get you back”. I replied “kicking yourself in the ass now”. You came back with and I will never forget “no it’s bitchin”. I understood you more than you will ever know. I know why you did not say anything about your illness. I know because I would have done the same thing. It just fucking came to me as I write this that you were a free bird on earth, and have to be even more free after death. The ultimate freedom dad you so deserve it. Thank you for the clarity you left behind and the people you brought back into my life. I love you dad and I will miss you dearly catch you on the flip side.
About the Creator
aysha valenzuela
Hello I live in the desert hiding in the shade from the beautiful powerful sun in az. I’ve lived all over southwest I dig experiences meeting new peeps and music is life. I am a nomad,I go where the wind takes me I’mhoping it blows me east.
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Light thieves
Someone near and dear to me and I were reminiscing on some bad times and good times. I stated “I would have gone to the gates of hell and back with you”. He replied “uuumm ya kind of did”. “The gates of hell”. At that time I thought of hell as this firey underground place that creatures roamed in the darkness to torture your soul for eternity. Hey I grew up catholic. After my run in with well insanity. I realized hell for me or to be specific the gates of hell would be what you would call the “mouth of madness”. When I met this other person we will refer to him as “him”. He lured me in by intriguing my curiosity. I had seen something so beautiful and mysterious about him. Although he never has seen how beautiful he truly is, and probably will never see. Because all that beauty is plagued with pain. I knew this to be so, first time I met him. Which is the reason I was so forgiving, and patient with him. My light shined bright in this darkness, he saw the direction he wanted to go and left me, all alone. As I struggled to keep my broken heart from turning off my light. Acting like a lighthouse. Little did I know he never needed a lighthouse and knew how to find me light off or on. When my light would just give out three days later, he would sneak up behind me big spooning and engulf my body. This was just enough to light my light, again. As soon as my light would show him his direction he was was off again. Leaving me alone and heartbroken again. Leaving my light to burnout and die. Again in the dark I stayed alone. Terrified losing my mind completely. My imagination ran wild with the lack of light to illuminate what I was hearing. I would get so tired of fighting, with the demons that lured and crept around. When I would finally sleep, three days later he snuck up behind me engulfing me again, and on my light came back. I wanted to find an escape from this darkness. So I left, and headed the direction in which I started this journey. Begging me to come back, manipulating me to help him find his way out the darkness. My compassion for this man was so great I went back. He showered me of promises that lasted a week. When the madness began to engulf me he saw a direction to leave with my light and left. Left me alone to battle these demons alone. One moment I was trying to find an escape route, the next moment I realized that I had wandered way too far in to just find the entrance. I had to come out the other side. This was the conclusion I came to believe. I wandered about until I finally found an exit sign right next to a hospital sign. I knew that this was going to be my exit my escape finally, even though I had been locked up here before. This time was different because the timing was off when I was locked up there before. This moment, this time was the time in which I could escape. My intuition has told me so. Did I truly believe in my heart that I was going to escape. Hell no! I just surrendered and let the current do the rest. It was like a hospital in a war, all these warriors have had thier light stolen, and purposely used up by people whom did not deserve thier light. Spiritually wounded, and debilitated these people were. They were going through the same spiritual journey as myself. Satan himself was the pill pusher(psychiatrist). Making out specially made cocktails for each and every warrior in this hospital. This had one purpose and one purpose only, to make them never rejuvenate thier light again. If you abided by this, only then can you exit the world of madness. I abided instead of just leaving satan said.” You ever thought about rehab.” I guess his game plan was to keep me locked up even longer to eventually break my spirit, but I knew in my heart that I had to go in to get out. As I used this time for healing, trying my best to keep my light strong even with the meds at work. Laughter was the key to keep my illuminating ass shining. As I left the dark underworld. I remembered how afraid I was to even go in, and as I left out that exit door I had seen earlier. I looked at myself, saw my light shining and thought, I am not as afraid as I used to be. I am not afraid to get heartbroken I am not afraid of losing my light because I kept getting that shit back. Just because one muddafucka take your shit, don’t mean you can not get it back. Sometimes you got to go in balls deep somewhere dark that scares the fuck out of you. When you leave you will be a less afraid of shit you were before. I remember thinking to myself as I step outside those doors. No fear, you are in the clear.
By aysha valenzuelaabout a year ago in Humans
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LAUGHING ON THE OUTSIDE … however, on the inside … I was born at a time when parents thought it best to keep a tight reign on their daughters. Most of the girls in my neighborhood were older than I was and were allowed more freedom. At my young age of ten years, I never thought much about it. If one of the girls had a party, I was only allowed to attend if the girl lived on my street – and I had to be home by ten o’clock. After a while, I was no longer invited to these parties.
By Margaret Brennan4 days ago in Humans
Miniature Mind Musings #8:
Recently, I spoke with a family member who I struggled to catch up with for a longer timespan than I would’ve liked and what struck me was how societal templates filled in on successive days routinely suck our time into a vacuum of seemingly infernal deficiency.
By The Dani Writer4 days ago in Longevity
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