F*ck Sexual Assault

Before I begin this article I'd like to issue a HUGE Trigger warning to anyone whose been Sexually assaulted or if you know someone who has. If this topic makes you uncomfortable in anyway; I have many other articles for you to enjoy. I wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

At age 14 I was sexually assualted and had I told anyone I wouldn't have been believed. We need to change that. I went down a destructive path following my assualt. If you've read my book you'll know what I went through. I will however mention that had I been believed I would have been much better off. Why wasn't I believed? Well the person who did it was an athetle at my high school and in my high school if you were an athlete you were a golden child. Colleges wanted to look at you for recruitment to sports teams. So it was his word against mine. I was powerless.

I went down a destructive path of alcohol and not sleeping. And as you read in my last article an eating disorder. I'd like to sympathize with anyone whose been sexually assualted. I'd also like to let you know that you're not alone. There is so much help out there. However when it happned to me I didn't know this help existed. I thought this was healthy in a relationship and I thought I deserved it. Can anyone else relate?

I will tell you this though, You don't deserve to be assaulted. That isn't how you treat someone you love and you deserve better. It's soul crushing to have that happen to you. I was broken when it happend to me. I wanted to die. (Trigger warning suicide) I was very suicidal. I thought the world would be better off without me. I thought I had missed out on the chance to ever trust someone like that. I thought I had missed out on the chance to truly love someone enough to let them be that close to me. I thought I had missed out on the chance to finally meet someone who was right for me. I still struggle with all of this at times to be honest. I still cannot fathom the thought of someone liking me or even thinking I'm pretty. I still cannont fathom the thought of trusting someone that much. I don't believe I ever will to be honest with you.

That's the affects assault can have on you. It makes you feel like nobody wants you and frankly it makes you feel gross and cheap. At least that's how I felt. If anyone else has ever felt like that I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that someone thought it was okay to violate you. I'm sorry that you felt so powerless that you went down a destructive path. I'm sorry that you felt so broken and lonely. I'm sorry you felt like the only person in the world who has ever been through this. And most of all I'm sorry you felt alone. I'm sorry you felt like nobody loves you. I'm sorry you have trust issues with friends, family and future relationships. I'm sorry that you went through that.

However I'd like to assure you of a few things, You're not alone. You're not powerless. And you are not the only person in the world who has been through this. What I can tell you is that there is help out there. And I'd like you to consider this: Your story? Could be someone elses survival guide. Think about that. You could help someone else get through this. You.