Amanda Nicole
Bio
Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)
https://linktr.ee/gilmorepretty
Stories (41/0)
F^cking Memories
Okay, cue the Taylor Swift breakup song right now. I'm actually listening to that song as I write this. Memories are either beautiful or tragic. They're either magical or bittersweet. They're either hurtful or life-changing. I think we all have memories that we remember all too well. Seriously that song gives me chills. It tells a story all too well. I have a story that I will always remember. I'll remember being abused on a daily by someone who was supposed to protect my heart till death. I'll remember being left with more trauma than I knew what to do with. I'll remember loving someone at their worst and them screwing me over at mine. I'll remember being treated like crap, day in and day out. I'll remember my heart physically hurting when it ended and wanting to not live anymore. I'll remember having to pick up the pieces of my heart and the shell of my former self. I'll remember not mattering to the one person to who I was supposed to matter most too. I'll remember being yelled at daily for making even the slightest mistake. I'll remember those things forever. Some things get burned in your mind. I try to forget them. I really try. I'll remember being left with some form of PTSD and going to bed fearing for my life every night.
By Amanda Nicole3 days ago in Humans
F^ck Fear
We all have fears right? Heights, Clowns, Spiders, roller coasters you name it someone's probably scared of it. But those kinds of fears aren't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fear of taking risks and moving forward. I'm talking about the fear of trying new things and meeting new people. I'm talking about the fear of moving on from things that hurt you. Those kinds of fears. Do you have those? I'm sure we've all had them at some point. I know I have. I'd love to tell you that I don't have any fears. I'd love to tell you that I'm afraid of nothing, I'd love to tell you that I'm perfectly content with life. But alas I'm not. I have fears just like everyone else. I have concerns about life just like you do. I'm no better or worse then anyone else. In fact I'd like to share some of my fears with you right now. I have fears surrounding dating again, and roller coasters, and death. I have many other fears in those categories but that's about as far as I'm willing to go here. But in this moment I'd like to pose a question to you. What if your fear is the thing you want the most? What if you have to face your fear in order to achieve peace in life? What if the thing your scared of is what you never knew you always needed in life?
By Amanda Nicole5 days ago in Humans
F*ck Persona's
Think about the human experience, think about all the situations we get into on the daily. Think about all the people we interact with on a daily basis. Now keeping that in mind let me ask you one question, in any of these situations are you really yourself or are you putting on an act?
By Amanda Nicole12 days ago in Humans
F*ck Letting Go
Letting go is brutal, especially when bittersweet memories play in your head like an annoying clip show. But you have to do it. You have to do it in order to heal. You can't hold on to the past, no matter how many times those memories play in your head. No matter how much you want to hold on to the memories you remember all too well. (As my favorite artist Taylor swift would say) You have to let go of them in order to find better people and things in your life. You can't stay in the past forever, you can't hold on to people that aren't meant to be in your life any longer. You have to accept that sometimes relationships or situations have a shelf life. People come into your life for a reason and then sometimes they have to leave. It's not up to us. We have to realize that.
By Amanda Nicole14 days ago in Humans
F%cking Trauma
I was thinking about this the other day as I was speaking to a friend about this. I was thinking about how Trauma changes you in ways that you can't explain. It breaks you into so many little pieces that it might seem impossible to put you back together. I was thinking about how trauma stays with you forever and only gets easier to deal with. I was thinking about how we all go through traumatic moments. I was thinking about how we heal from trauma. How do we heal from it? How do we move forward from something that broke us into a thousand pieces? How do we move forward and try to forget something/someone that we'll most likely remember forever. That's the thing about Trauma you never really get over it. It gets easier to deal with no doubt, but it never really leaves us. It scars us for life. Trauma has a way of staying with us forever.
By Amanda Nicole15 days ago in Humans
F*ck Approval
I'm going to start this story off by admitting something to you: As you know I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I never felt good enough for my ex. Even now I'm still seeking approval from those around me, because even 2 years later I still don't feel good enough. I still don't feel like people like me. I still don't feel like I'm doing anything correct. But here's the thing: I'm doing all I know how to do with the resources and knowledge I have. I'm still learning and I will forever be learning. But at the same time I don't feel like I'm doing anything right. But here's something I'm trying to learn: I'm trying to learn that there's only 1 person I need approval from. And this person I've known my entire life, we've been through shit together. We've done some stupid things. We've recovered from some dark shit together. That person knows me better then anyone. That person is me. I have to constantly remember that the only person I need approval from is me. The only person whose opinon of me matters is my own. The only person who knows me well enough is me.
By Amanda Nicole16 days ago in Psyche
F&ck Solo Travel
Sometimes we just need to take a break from life and heal. Sometimes we need to run away from our problems and and frustrations and go find ourselves again. So many of my favorite authors have done it and written amazing books about their trips. I've been truly inspired by all of them. Ever feel like you're just going through the motions in life? Ever feel like you're on a hamster wheel and you'll never get off? Ever feel like you've lost touch with who you are as a person? Well if you feel any of those things consider taking a solo trip. Taking a break from life could be just the thing we need to get ourselves back on track mentally. Whether it's a backapacking trip, a european vacation or hitting the road in a camper van. Whatever feels right to you. Sometimes we need to run away and be alone with our thoughts, sometimes we need to take some time and rediscover what our passions are and who WE are as people. Sometimes we've lost touch with reality and need to center ourselves again. These are all reasons to take a solo trip. It doesn't have to be very long or fancy. It just has to be you taking a break from life for some period of time. Perhaps a summer or a weekend or even a year.
By Amanda Nicole18 days ago in Humans
Open Letter To My Soulmate...
Dear Soulmate, I wanted to take this moment and say a few things to you. Even though we haven't talked in a while and probably never will again, I wanted to take a moment to thank you for a few things if that's okay. But first I want to explain how I met you, you came into my life when I was without a doubt broken. I had just gotten sexually assaulted the year before and was recovering from an alcohol addiction. I hadn't slept in over a year and I was an absolute mess. To this day I'm still trying to figure out how and why you dealt with me. You helped me pick up the pieces of my ridicolous life, you helped me stay sober when I was really struggling. You were there for me through it all and you don't even know how much that meant to me. Looking back I realize how badly I treated you and I'm sorry for that. Despite how hurt and broken I was that was no excuse to be so mean to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I'm sorry for ending things the way I did. I'm sorry for being such a project. We lost touch for years and then you came back into my life. Again when I was broken beyond belief.
By Amanda Nicole18 days ago in Humans
F*cking Four Agreements.
Have you ever read The Four Agreements Series by Don Miguel Ruiz? Well if you haven't you might want to start there before reading this article. But if you have, you'll know what I'm talking about. I first became aware of this series when I read a little book called Eat Pray #FML by Gabrielle Stone. Since then I've both read her books 40 times each and really tried to implment the Four Agreements in my life. Here they are:
By Amanda Nicole19 days ago in Motivation
Open Letter to my Future love.
Dear Future Love, I want to start this letter off by letting you know that loving me won't be the easiest task. It will be something more akin to climbing an icy moutain or going through a mid-life crisis. What I'm trying to say is that loving me is a project. I will exhaust you and drive you crazy. I won't always trust you, I will probably get jealous sometimes. I will need lots of affection and reassurance. I know I sound like a lot and I'm sorry for that truly. I'm sorry that I'm not normal. I'm sorry that I've been hurt so badly that I'm actually used to being treated like shit. I'm sorry that I might push you away out of fear and panic. I'm sorry that I might not always be happy with you. I'm sorry that I don't always think about what I say and I'm sorry that I sometimes swear a lot or do stupid things. I loved someone at their worst and they f*cked me over at mine and left me with trauma that will take me years to work through.
By Amanda Nicole19 days ago in Humans
F&cking Toxic People
Toxic People come in all forms, friends, family, relationships. All that, Toxic people have usually only one purpose and that purpose is to hurt us. Hurt us so bad that we feel completely powerless and broken. Hurt us so bad that our hearts feel cracked open like a walnut. That's really the only purpose toxic people have.
By Amanda Nicole20 days ago in Humans
