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Dude, Just Buy the Damn Tampons Already

It Doesn’t Have to Be Some Federal Case

By Jason ProvencioPublished 8 months ago 4 min read
I have no idea why some men are such wimps about buying feminine products for their ladies. Photo by Natracare on Unsplash

One of the biggest supermarket jokes out there involves the concept of men buying tampons or pads for their hurting spouses, significant others, or daughters. The “funny” part of the situation is the man being embarrassed about buying feminine products for his loved ones.

Only it’s not just a joke. There are actually men who refuse to do this.

Check out this article from the Huffington Post from last August. I was shocked to find out the percentage of men surveyed who admitted that they won’t buy feminine products for the lady(ies) in their household. The number was much higher than I expected.

The poll in this article was taken in the UK, so I can only assume that the percentage of men in the US who wouldn’t shop for pads or tampons when their lady or ladies are hurting has to be significantly higher. Our manners and selfishness leave something to be desired here in the US, compared to other civilized nations.

This begs the question: What exactly are you worried about, Men? Or should I say, “Boys”? Because you’re not a real man if you don’t have the balls to help your lady or daughter during their painful time of need.

I’ve never stressed out about needing to buy tampons or pads. But then again, I’m not worried about what everyone around me thinks. Especially strangers in a public place. I’m not that insecure and I don’t suffer from a fragile male ego.

I care about the ones I love. Just as my Bride has gone out and bought me cold meds when I’ve been sick or in pain, the same applies to her or my daughters’ needs for feminine products when they’ve been on their period.

Being on your period is no joke. Fellas, do the right thing and help her out.

How do these conversations even go in other households?

Wife: “Honey, I’m dying. These cramps are tearing me in half. Can you please run down to Alberson’s really quick and get me some tampons?”

Husband: “What? Are you fucking serious? I can’t do that! What will all the other alpha males think of me if I am in the checkout line with TAMPONS?”

Wife: “Oh, ok. Well, then how about you get one of those other alpha males to suck your dick, then? Because I’m not doing it if you can’t bring yourself to help me when I’m in pain.”

*Door slams, car peels out in the driveway. Chalk up a win for the bleeding wifey.

I cannot imagine how fragile some of these men’s egos must be to be unable to help their wives or daughters in their times of need. And what exactly is their fear, anyway?

Nobody is going to worry that you’re not a real man for buying tampons. Photo by Abby Savage on Unsplash

Do you think other men are going to think that you’re buying them for yourself? Do you worry that they think you’re using the pads under your satchel when you work and sweat? If you have a physically demanding job, I guess you better go with super absorbency.

And what about the tampons? What in God’s name would a man even DO with those? I’ve heard about a party trick where you soak them in vodka and shove them up your ass. Supposedly, it makes the alcohol hit you like a Grey Goose truck, in an even more blackout-drunk kind of way.

I shudder to imagine what that’s even like. I’m sure it’s happened at frat parties before, though.

“Whoa, Brodie is straight up PASSED-OUT! He’s even missing his pants!”

“Yeah, Dude. And is that a string hanging out of his ass?”

The only other thing I can imagine insecure men worrying about is thinking other men are judging them for having a mangina. I always thought that was a joke, men telling other men to get the sand out of their mangina. Some must think it’s a real thing.

And why equate a vagina to being weak? Those things can take a pounding. However, if a man grazes his balls against anything, the pain, the pain! You feel that pain rising toward your stomach until it finally, mercifully goes away.

I propose that vaginas are far tougher than testicles. Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

Instead of saying, “Grow a pair of balls”, perhaps we need to change it to, “Sack up and deploy the mangina!”

If there was ever an instance to which this new motto applies, I say to use it when it’s time to rescue your wife or daughter in need. “SACK UP AND DEPLOY THE MANGINA!” Get your insecure ass to the grocery store and take care of your loved one’s needs.

Who cares what other men think of you at Safeway? Love your person enough to step out of your comfort zone. It truly isn’t that big of a deal.

Surfing the crimson wave is a far more difficult thing than you having to go buy feminine products for the one you love. Oh, and don’t forget the dark chocolate and the new issue of Cosmo. &:^)

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About the Creator

Jason Provencio

76x Top Writer on Medium. I love blogging about family, politics, relationships, humor, and writing. Read my blog here! &:^)

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