Diary of a Tired Christian

"As long as it takes, for me to get to the place of surrender, I'm gonna stay right here, I'm gonna stay right here. I thought I knew what surrender looked like, I thought I knew what it sounded like, until I met you, then I met you Jesus. My life's posture is surrender. Everything that you require, everything that you ask of me, you are gonna get a yes from me Jesus." ~ "Only Jesus" - Housefires, Doe, Chandler Moore

This past week I have really been resting in God. If I had to visualize it, this is the part of God carrying me where I lean into Him, lay my head on His chest, close my eyes and take a nap. And it has been an amazing feeling of comfort. During the week I have encountered storms , but have been able to go through them with a "peace beyond understanding".

I have felt a certain peace in knowing that whatever comes at me, I don't have to handle it alone. I am not handling it alone. God is going before me, always. My steps have already been ordered and I am protected. Whether I understand why God has chosen the journey's path the way that He has or not, whether I'd rather have an easier path to journey, it doesn't matter.

And the path of my journey has not been easy so far, but it has strengthened me. I have grown in confidence, assertiveness and faith. Enough so that I finally realized that I can be carried by God when I am tired, that I don't have to do anything, because God's got it.

This week I have been carried spiritually and figuratively, but in the physical I have been able to walk in confidence. I have been showing up with my head held high in every space I enter, my shoulders squared, and my smile ready. Like Daphne Bridgerton walking into the ball after being named a diamond by Queen Charlotte, I walked into every space knowing God had went ahead of me proclaiming me to be His flawless diamond.

This week as I rested, I also rested my voice. I observed more than I spoke and spent time in introspection with God. When needed I spoke with confidence and honesty, not fearing how the other(s) would receive the words I spoke. I felt anxiety leave me in situations that usually caused me so much anxiety that I would delay responding to them for weeks at a time previously. Now I responded to them quickly and with authority.

Most importantly, during this week of rest, as I was being carried, I myself was able to set things down. Any past issues, any current grievances, any stresses, anything that popped up for me that would have weighed on me previously, I set it all down with ease. I set it down with God. Confidently knowing that He would pick it up for me, take care of it, and I could continue to rest without any worry.

So for this to be the "Diary of a Tired Christian" , this christian has been feeling pretty rested. Which, I am very grateful for. For however long God calls me to rest, because, if anything this journey of life has taught me, is that God gives us moments of rest and moments of work/growth. But even in knowing that inevitably my period of rest will end, I am still comforted, grateful and at peace. Because, I know that the periods of unrest will build me up and fortify me even more. And when those difficult times of my journey began to wear me out, I can raise up my arms to God to be carried again and find rest again. But for now here is where I will stay, resting peacefully in God.