Dating Single Mothers Overseas

So you’re dating overseas. While you’re doing that, you meet someone you like. That like becomes something more and you fall hard. You see your future with this woman and you want nothing more than to get down on one knee and put a ring on her finger. You want to build a life with her.

And she feels the same way. You’re sure that when you get down on one knee with a ring in your hand, she’ll hold hers out towards you so you can slide it on her finger. She wants to build a life with you.

It’s perfect.

Except for one minor complication.

She wants to build a life with you, but she’s got a life that she’s already built before she met you and she can’t exactly leave it all behind. Because she’s biologically programmed to not want to leave one very important thing behind - her child.

Now, a child, or children can be a complicating factor in a relationship, particularly if you’re going to want to bring her over to your country to live with you. But while it can complicate a relationship, it doesn’t have to be the death knell for one. There’s a few things that you can do that’ll make it easier to date someone with a kid.

Be understanding of her priorities.

One thing you need to understand about the single mother that you’re dating is that her priority is going to have to be her offspring, and that’s not negotiable. Depending on how young her progeny is, it might be completely helpless without her around. She’s not always going to have time for you.

So if she has to cancel a date because she has a PTA meeting she needs to go to or she can’t talk to you because her kid is sick, you’re going to have to be understanding. You can be a little upset, but at the same time, you need to realize that she has to put being a parent ahead of being your girlfriend.

Make no mistake, you are a priority. It’s just that there’s another one that has to take precedence over you. So don’t hold it against her if she seems flaky. She just doesn’t have total control over her schedule.

Win the kid over.

Because of how important the kid is in her life, their needs are going to have to be considered when it comes to picking a partner. So you don’t just have to convince her to give you a shot, you’ve got to win over her kid, too.

There are a lot of things that you can try in order to win the kid over. Maybe you can connect over his favorite sport or any shared hobbies you two may have. Maybe you take them out for a nice dinner or something.

Failing that, you could always just bribe them with toys or money. Sure, bribery might feel cheap, but it can be pretty expensive. But you’re going to have to go to some pretty great lengths if you want the kid’s mom to see you as husband and stepdad material.

Of course, if your girl’s ex is still in the picture, that could complicate winning the kid over. Maybe the kid feels loyal to their father or they’re holding out hope that maybe their parents can work things out and get back together. They might see you as an interloper.

There’s not really a lot you can do other than show the kid that you’re the real deal and that you’re in it for the long haul.

Make nice with the ex

Speaking of her ex, if he’s out of the picture because he’s either passed on or he’s moved on, then that’s great for you. One less complication to muck up your relationship.

But if her ex is still in the picture, still being a dad, then that’s going to be a complication. First of all, he’s going to have to like you. He’s the kid’s father and should know who is in his child’s life. Secondly, the presence of an ex can complicate your wedding plans. Maybe they’re not divorced yet.

There’s also custody. If you marry the mom, you’re probably going to want to take her home with you to your home country. She’ll probably want to bring her kid with her. But she might not be able to depending on the custody agreement she has with her ex.

So you’re going to have to win the guy over and get him to agree to let you take his kid to your country. Depending on how present he is as a father, that could be either really easy or really difficult.

Be the provider

In a lot of foreign countries, like China, Russia and a lot of Latin American countries, there’s an expectation for the man to be the provider for the family. If you’re going to be serious about marrying a woman and being a stepdad, you’re going to have to show that you can step up and be the provider.

It can be somewhat jarring, going from having to provide only for yourself to becoming the breadwinner for a family. But you’re going to have to be willing and able to step up if you want to take a single mom and erase the single part.

If a person has a romantic relationship and that romantic relationship ends, they’re probably going to leave that relationship with some baggage or change in some way. Maybe they become a little more jaded with romance. Maybe they realize something about themselves that they didn’t know before.

Sometimes, the relationship changes them in a way that’s more substantial. Sometimes it leaves a person with a whole other person--one that is reliant upon them for continued survival and one that a person is biologically programmed to want to take care of.

Falling for someone who has already lived a pretty full life in the past doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to build a future with them. It just means that she’s going to bring some building blocks with her.