Dating in 2021

All those songs about how to get a man do not work in this day and age.

Look, I've been experimenting with online dating for about seven months now and I've gotten absolutely nowhere. NOWHERE. I'm not even stuck in the friend zone or even the limbo conversations, I've been ghosted so many times that I refer to my dating apps as tombstones.

I'm not looking for anything serious but I can't even get a guy to ask me to meet up for dinner or something. They either want to f*ck like a horny college freshman, or they message you for a week and then unmatch you in the middle of the night for no damn reason.

Some guy just unmatched me after I sent a message about liking a band he said he liked too.

I agreed with him that the band was good.

And he retroactively swiped left on me.

That selfish pr*ck.

Last month I was talking to this super hot and so funny tattoo artist from Clairmont and we talked about tattoos, drinks, movies, music, thrift shops, and literally everything. I thought he would ask me out, and right when I was about suggest meeting up for a coffee; he unmatched me and disappeared from my inbox.

Really?

REALLY???

I'm not husband hunting okay? I'm looking for someone to go out with for a couple dates so I can feel less like a depressed loser.

It's just annoying and straight up disrespectful to just unmatch with someone just out of the blue. What the fluff can I do differently? I try to keep it light and fun, I'm flirty with the right amount of subtle sexual innuendos.

I'm a good time.

My personal problem is that once I start talking to a guy, I go into this estrogen induced fantasy phase where I imagine going out with them and having a perfectly imperfect first date, one year anniversary, weekend trip to Catalina or to Napa Valley, how he stumbles through a proposal, our wedding, and by the time we have a house --- in my brain --- they've already ghosted me.

I will admit, I'm super picky when it comes to swiping right, I can admit that. No guys with face tattoos, No guys with profile pics taken from the blowjob view (ew), No guys that have "Trump 2020" as the first line in their profiles, and if there's a puppy in the first picture, it's likely I'll try to match.

Come on, you can't blame me for the above comments, if you're on a dating app, you know you have to stick to your principles.

Even then, be wary because some men lie. I was chatting with a paralegal from LA once who's profile picture was super cute but then he sent me a selfie out of nowhere and I realized he had some magical filter because he did not look like his profile pic. At ALL. Like not super far from it, but enough to where it was a bold faced lie. Wasn't even the same skin color people, okay? I was catfished.

Back to my point of why ghost someone out of the blue?

I was talking with a guy on SnapChat, he was a radio show host and the last thing he sent me was a picture of his adorable little puppy, a beagle, and I said how cute his puppy is. THen I got blocked.

WHAT.

DID.

I.

DO.

??????

Siiiiiiiiiigh.

I don't know, maybe I should just give up on online dating. I'm not comfortable meeting people 'the old fashioned way' though, you know because there's a global pandemic and I live in America where people wanted to stop wearing masks so we got a vaccine and then the people didn't want to get the vaccine but they still didn't want to wear the mask and they were afraid the government was going to install 5G into the public via the vaccine but no one cares where you go, KAREN. You already post online every time you do the tiniest thing, and no one cares.

I'm a liberal that lives in a very VERY Republican area, if I'm not careful I might die on a date. THat's a thing that happens an uncomfortable amount of times in Southern California. I'm just glad to know that if my body is discovered on a running trail, my sister would KNOW I was definitely murdered.