Dating after an Abusive relationship

Little bit of my background; When I was 18 years young, I had met this guy that had changed my entire life. Not entirely for the best. Although I do have to thank him for my beautiful son. Him and I had started super casual, ended up in a relationship. Four years of a thousand red flags, isolation, manipulation, screaming, threats of all sorts, and domestic violence. Most of all, the totally taboo. Rape in a relationship. When I found out I was pregnant, I left him. That's the short version of it. I'm sure I will write about my past toxic relationship with a title of I'm not a Victim but like #MeToo Pt. with a random number as I have many stories to share. For now lets focus on this piece.

After I left my relationship, I didn't even know who I was. I spent a lot of time trying to find hobbies I like, food that inspired my taste-buds, books that made me feel whole and warm, new friends. The whole nine. I was also trying to identify myself as a great parent. But aren't we all. I spent a lot of time HEALING. That's probably the healthiest way to cope with coming out of a toxic relationship. But don't let me tell you how to live your short life. All our stories are different, and there so many ways to cope. Healthy or not. Just friggin cope man! Keep it pushing. Don't go back. At least that's what my friend said.

I spent three in a half years dodging hit-on's, cat calling, flirting, dates, blind dates. I would find every reason to not date or get casual. I'd cancel even with out a reason. All my friends tried pushing me to date. DON'T LET YOUR FRIENDS DO THAT. Take your time or don't. Shack it up or don't. Everyone thinks they know what's best for you. Your life isn't a Hollywood script. Screw what your friends think! They are there to love & support you. If the answer isn't a yes right off the bat. Just say no and don't feel guilty. If they're your friends, they'd understand and not push. What you just went through, totally just ship-wrecked your soul. It takes time to rebuild. Or maybe it doesn't. What the frick do I know. Just don't go back.

Finally. I met this totally laid-back guy. He just seemed to get it. I wasn't even looking for whatever I stumbled upon. We started talking, after that we did dates, than shacking it up... That's what it is called these days right? Haha. All jokes aside the entire time I remember looking for red flags, I was looking so hard I thought I saw a couple. I would talk to my best friend about it, every time she would say; stop that, you're literally pysching yourself out. She was right. This whole man is a saint. So I stopped looking for red flags and allowed myself to enjoy, the man that is willing to put effort into me, to be consist with me, it was definitely a ALL IN situation. A year later, we're moved in, engaged, and still happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still learning how to love after a toxic relationship. No one can make your key for you. My fiance is super patient with me. When my attitude gets obnoxious, my partner simply reminds me, that we are only talking, and that any of my attitude is unnecessary but forgiven. He is gentle and kind to all of my needs. You will know it is right for you, when your partner or partner to be is so understanding to your still healing heart. We deserve real and raw love after the pained trauma our past partner had painted onto our hearts. Everyone has a different story, not everyone meets the same people. The world is too big. If there is anything I can tell you with confidence, it is to learn to love yourself after your pained relationship. Loving myself is the best thing I have ever done for myself. It took a whole lot of time. Books, podcasts, hobbies, time, exercise, and healing. Maybe those helped me a little to. Something to keep my mind a little busy. Much love and all of the luck to anyone who may or may not read this.