Dating A "College Jock" ...When You are 42

In order for this story to really be understood, we have to start with some boring prologue. I promise it will get more interesting after.

I realized I was gay when I was 10.

I said it to myself the first time when I was 14.

I had my first experience when I was 15.

I said it out loud to someone else for the first time when I was 16.

I told my Mom when I was 17.

I grew up in the large liberal city of New York - and went to NYU. At some point...it felt like I was missing the welcome wagon. Where was my orientation package? How do I find all of these hot and attractive guys? How do I get those abs? What was I supposed to do? Shouldn't I be in love with someone? Where were my witty gay friends? Where was my gay life?

Instead I was a geek. My friends were mostly straight. We played Magic: The Gathering and Video Games. We were in a band and sometimes played soccer. I was also an introvert.

When I tried my first alcoholic drink at 20 at a college fraternity party, I immediately vomited. The smell of liquor would make me nauseous for years and as a result I never got drunk. I was also a very obedient child of the 80s and vehemently opposed any drug use.

After I graduated, I realized I had fallen in love with a fellow student. He was also a geeky gamer and felt the same way I did - so most of my twenties was spent in a pleasant, if not boring monogamous relationship in a nice suburban house. We woke up, kissed hello, went on our days, had dinner together and had sex once or twice a week. We talked about getting married in Disney World and adopted two cats.

I was the older of us and when 29 was approaching, I started to freak out. There was nothing wrong with my partner or our relationship - I just felt like I never got a chance to live. When I finally confessed it to him, I found myself relieved that he felt the same way and admitted he had started looking at gay apps and feeling tempted.

We parted under great circumstances and remain close friends to this day.

I spent my early 30s focusing on my professional career. It felt weird, but freeing to just be a single man again. I relocated from New York to Chicago and then spent a few years in Los Angeles and San Francisco. I was always focused on my career and was a work-a-holic. I would occasionally hook up, or even date - but my mind really wasn't in it until I fell in love with a young journalism student. He was 23 and I was 33.

We lasted 5 years until a fateful night in which he admitted to me he had met and fallen in love with someone else.

When I finally got over the break-up - I realized that my life had been very sheltered and career focused. With 40 on the horizon I decided to re-examine my life and to take a more open and experiential approach in all things - from food to behavior to experiences.

When I examined myself in the light of a gay man, I found myself unable to relate to a population. I had gone to a gay bar maybe 3-4 times in my life, same with a gay club. I was not involved in any gay groups and my friends were usually straight. While I can acknowledge I am decent looking with a dark mix of Italian and Portuguese heritage , standing at 6'3 and with a broad but definitely "soft" build of about 230 lbs, I felt like I hadn't really connected with this part of me and I felt myself wanting to connect.

I ended up talking to a friend about it - and shared with him that I felt frustrated in trying to connect with gays in America - and being from Chile he shared his perspective. He explained that American gays tend to be colder and more closed off, they are more cliquish and generally only open to similar 'tribes' - he was also brutal but direct in saying that I did not fit the standard mold of Gay American 'attraction' I was too tall, too geeky and "gay fat" - I dressed like a suburban dad and saw the inside of a gym maybe 5 times a year. He encouraged me instead to visit South America- where he said there is more openness, more inclusion and generally more fun. He also shared that being "exotic" in another place could lead to some positive results.

I saw no real fault with his statements, and quite frankly I had always preferred guys of Hispanic or Arabic heritage. Each one of my boyfriends was either from South America or Iran.

I took his advice and spent a few months in South America. It was the time of my life and he was right. I finally felt what all young good-looking gays must feel the first time they enter a bar or club, when you feel the eyes of everyone on you. When guys touch you as you pass, smile at you and converse with you. When you are deemed interesting and attractive, just by how you look.

In each city, I would use apps like Grindr, Tinder or Scruff. Since I had taken almost 10 years of Spanish in school and two of my ex-boyfriends were native speakers, I found I could understand and navigate just fine.

It was almost like a second life. I would go to a capital or major city within Central or South America and I would find local guys who would act as hook-ups, contacts, guides and eventually friends. I started to save up all my vacation time and only take trips south, building a strong circle of friends in major cities such as Cancun, San Jose, Santiago and Lima. It was in Buenos Aires that I got drunk for the first time. Three beers did me in and I danced fanatically with a local named Pablo who had become a friend and guide.

I didn't think it was possible to have an almost-child like wonder at learning and exploring something new, but it was. Both the thrill of traveling to new places, as well as building circles of friends and possibilities breathed a new life into me and when I turned 40, I celebrated it happily during a trip to Chile.