Coping with Toxic People; Friends, Lovers, and Even Family
Their Perception of You Is a Perception of Themselves
Our mother and father were at one point our sole caregivers. Our self worth/significance was based upon how well nurtured we were. Neglect and abuse have a direct effect on the brain. If you came from an abusive household you will more than likely search for that. Chaos is all you know.
Abuse is not limited to bruised eyes and swollen lips. Abuse can be passive, but done with malicious intent. Using love and affection as a weapon is abuse. Ignoring your adolescent child or significant other for weeks at a time because something didn’t go your way is abuse and just plain fricking childish. Purposely causing confusion and deflecting with the intent to cause shame and blame on the other party is abuse. Manipulation is abuse.
I learned a long time ago that I can’t base my worth on the way others treat me because let’s face it, most people will let you down.
I am not an expert, but I can share tips that helped me overcome my anger.
- Remember you can not make someone think the way you do.
- Most time abusers are the way they are because of what was done to them. Hey, at least you are wise enough to learn from their shortcomings. A fool repeats the toxic cycle.
- Do not let the toxic person bait you. For example, most toxic or abusive people hate boundaries and will do anything including guilt tripping you into bulldozing all your boundaries. Stand firm with your healthy boundaries or cut them off altogether, but you have to be the one to make that decision.
- Have healthy boundaries. Make sure they understand you are an individual with your own ideas, thoughts and dislikes and not a piece of property.
- Their perception of you is a perception of themselves. Most times someone accuses you of things you know you are not is because they believe everyone is like them. Everyone plays games, lies, starts drama, and loves chaos. However, healthy people know this not to be true. This causes the person to at times be paranoid that you are doing to them as they do to you. Stop being their chew toy immediately.
- If you are making an effort with said person to heal the relationship then make sure the past stays in the past unless both of you can handle a civilized conversation of what went wrong. The past tends to bring up feelings of resentment or anger and people tend to point blame. However, talking about the past can be healthy for recovery but most times people can’t handle their share in the problem.
Life is too short to spend your time arguing with miserable people all day. Most of these toxins have no logic for what they do. They wreak havoc on your life because they have no control over their own and giving you hell makes them feel in control. Stop overloading your mind all day with “Why this, why that.” Trust me, I’ve been there. You are in control over your own actions. That’s it. At the end of the day you have to decide if the madness is worth your sanity.
You are worthy of having peace. You are worthy of being happy. You have just as much a right to be here as everyone else. What you feed your mind determines your emotional state. Therefore, interact with only those who bring you peace and only speak of such things that are positive.