Conflicts: 10 Solving Strategies With Exactly the Opposite Results!

Whether we like it or not, the emergence of conflicts in interpersonal relationships is inevitable. Even the most welded marriages are not free from periodic misunderstandings, of greater or lesser magnitude, and it is natural to be so once the conflict is inherent in life and, up to a point, it is a necessary leaven and an engine of progress.

Conflicts can often help us to get to know people better because many of them do not reveal they're true character except in times of trouble.

It is not the conflict itself that is bad, but its mismanagement. Any insult can be a stimulus for an offensive response, which in turn generates an even more scathing retort and so on, with the conflict escalating instead of easing.

Stopping this evolution is so difficult that there are known conflicts that have been perpetuated over generations (such as the irreconcilable hatred between the Verona families Capulet and Montague, perpetuated by William Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet).

The ten strategies presented below represent only a part (but the most significant) of the methods frequently used by people in conflict, apparently to find a solution, but, in fact, with exactly the opposite results.

1. Avoidance

Disturbed, equally, by the existence of the conflict and the need to settle it, you withdraw from the conflict zone, moving away either physically (you leave the room, the place) or emotionally (you turn on the radio or TV louder, you immerse yourself in reading or in another activity that may distract you from arguing, fall asleep or pretend to be asleep)

2. Non-negotiation

It consists in refusing to listen to the interlocutor's arguments. It is especially used by people who can crush their quarrelsome partner with their flood of words. They "keep theirs", without allowing the other to support his point of view.

3. Redefine

He knows two options, both immoral. The first is the denial of the conflict ("Oh dear, but there was no misunderstanding between us!") To prevent the analysis of its causes and the assessment of responsibilities. In the second, the interlocutor is suggested that his position is aberrant because he has a pathological substrate ("Rather than arguing with me, it is better to consult a doctor!").

4. Use of force

There is a lot of talk about domestic violence which is considered a sign of lack of civilization, it is understood that in states with democracy and civic education this is a socially negligible exception. However, statistical data disprove this hypothesis.

For many people on the planet, even in highly developed countries, romantic relationships are accompanied by manifestations of physical violence from adolescence. Later, the phenomenon does not attenuate, but, on the contrary, spreads - far from looking at it as a river, three-quarters of the couples in which physical violence is present appreciate that it does not affect their relationship, being just a proof of love.

In addition, even worse, in about 30% of cases, the fight between the partners is seen by them as a positive factor, with the role of strengthening their emotional connection.

However, the statistics do not show us how many situations the force exerted is an emotional one, the weaker member of the couple being the victim of a more subtle terror and, as such, which cannot be measured in any way.

5. Minimization

The causes and effects of a conflict can be considered insignificant by the partner ("What great thing happened?"). This gives the impression that the other's reasons for upset are illegitimate or illogical pretexts.

Humor, useful in some conflict situations because it relaxes, plays a negative role when used to minimize the reasons that generated the conflict.

6. Blame

Blaming another is probably the most common practice of people in conflict because, in this way, they are relieved of any responsibility for triggering it. The accused may be a partner, a parent, a relative, a friend. The procedure is also ugly because it strikes at the feelings that bind the interlocutor to the respective persons.

A special case is self-blame. Recourse to him in a self-critical spirit would be respectable conduct, but in most cases, this self-stigmatization only seeks to arouse the pity of the other, causing him to give up his position.

7. Mute the interlocutor

Preventing the other person from defending their position is usually done by raising their tone (hoarseness, screaming) or by simulating extreme physical and emotional states (migraines, palpitations, suffocation, fainting).

It is known that in the past centuries one of the indispensable accessories in the purses of the ladies of the good world was the salt bottle with the help of which they were awakened from the faintings, often suspected, of which they were part.

Oppressed by a sexist society, they had discovered the effectiveness of the fainting weapon as a means of sentimental blackmail by which they could impose their will on male dictatorship.

8. Gunnysacking

The term Anglo-Saxon gunnysack refers to a very roomy bag in which countless items are stored.

Gunnysacking is the accumulation of dissatisfaction and upset that someone has caused you and that you did not react to at the time until the outbreak of a possible minor conflict allows you to "shed the bag", reproaching you and to the other all the insults and inconveniences he has caused you in the past and which have never been discussed.

Gunnysacking has the disadvantage of causing gunnysacking on the part of the interlocutor, forcing him to respond with the same currency, looking in the memories to discover reasons for reproach comparable to those of the quarrel partner.

9. Handling

Instead of discussing the causes that led to the conflict, seduction is used to bring the opponent into a state of non-combat. Skillfully speculated personal charm can disarm even the fiercest opponent.

10. Personal rejection

It is perhaps the most reprehensible method of belonging to the area of ​​emotional blackmail. It consists of the temporary withdrawal of the affection that you had been carrying until then to your partner.

The cold, distant, contemptuous behavior continues until the moment when demoralized, he gives up defending his position and gives up, at which point his affection from which he was deprived is restored.

The recipe for resolving interpersonal conflicts is based, as a general idea, on open communication and accommodation obtained on mutual concessions.