Confessions of the Mad

If you missed Installment One and Two you catch up here:

6 September 2021

I went to clean my sister's apartment today and she still had a lot of stuff that she needed moved out. I've never done a move out clean with so much stuff still left in a place. I cleaned the toilet and then took off. I will go back tomorrow after I won't sleep tonight.

I have a doctor's appointment that I do not want to miss. I take allergy shots because I'm very allergic to my dog (as well as an array of other things) so in order to live with him I must take them because I love him.

I have been thinking of my son a lot lately. I just want to see him and hug him tightly. I know that it's not possible at the moment, but I sure do hope it is soon. His birthday is in five days. I think I will take a mental health day that day. I need to treat myself.

7 September 2021

I didn't sleep as suspected. I finished cleaning my sister's apartment today and got paid $200 for it. We also went to clean the bar tonight and they had left a horrible message to us asking if we had even cleaned the night before.

Everyone who knows me knows that I take a tremendous amount of pride in my work. I work hard and have always gotten great praise from our clients that we go above and beyond. The message didn't even explain what we had done wrong, so there was no room for solving the situation.

We obviously went to clean; the bathrooms were cleaned we had taken out the trash and also vacuumed and mopped the floor. That is our scope of work there. I handled it very well by saying that we cleaned last night and if there ever any problem areas you can text us a picture and we will happily take care of it. I bet he won't be a jerk again. Anything we would have missed would've been a few crumbs on the floor which is petty. Take a picture of that silly man.

Until tomorrow friends.

8 September 2021

Today we met with our newest clients. This will be the last one we take on before we hire someone. Hopefully we will be getting so much more money coming in soon.

I am feeling better about the situation of not seeing my son today. I know it is nothing I can control, and we both need time to heal. I have let him know my love for him and that is all I can do right now.

I am going to go pick up some medical marijuana here soon. I use it for my PTSD and have found that it calms me when I need it.

I failed to connect with my daughter tonight again. My husband and her were watching one of her favorite shows and she asked me to watch it. I get so distracted that I cannot even watch TV anymore. I wish I were a better mom a lot of times. You will find throughout my writings that I've felt guilty too many times as a mother.

We clean every single night, that's what happens when you own a business. We are almost ready to head out. We will see what the bar has to say.

Until tomorrow my friends.

9 September 2021

My husband and I went to the local psychedelic club last night. We met some very interesting people. It was a very small group and at first, we were apprehensive and thought what did we get ourselves into? Once we settled in it was very enjoyable and I had fun getting to know a little slice of everyone.

The people seemed to be very interested in me and my husband. Besides the facilitator, we were the most experienced in psychedelics that night. The group facilitator knows my doctor for my ketamine injections because my doctor is quite famous in the psychedelic world where I live.

I met someone online that also knows him and they will be vacationing next month together. Small world.

Until tomorrow friends.

10 September 2021

Tomorrow is my son's birthday. I miss him so much. This will be the first birthday that I will not be allowed to see him. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. My daughter keeps wanting to talk to him about his party and if she is invited. I don't want to see her hurt, but it looks like it might not happen. We will see.

I went to hang out with my friend today. It was very nice to see her. We both have been working like crazy and haven't had much time to see each other. She works in the sex industry and she cams online. I find it empowering that she is so independent and thriving on her own. We have known one another for almost 25 years. She is my bestie.

We got some LSD last night. I took some then. I didn't take a lot, just micro-dosed. I haven't done LSD in years and was just excited to try it. My husband and I will probably end up trying to give one another a day off so we can take some acid and trip for real.

11 September 2021

Today is my son's birthday. I don't know what to say about it. I am really hurt. I just texted him happy birthday and I love you. He responded back thank you. Or it was his grandma, I'm not sure because he lost his phone and is using his grandma's. I think it was him.

I wrote him a poem today. I hope when he reads all of these, he will see how much I have always loved him. I have never meant to hurt him.

Tomorrow we have a crap ton to clean because we only cleaned the bar tonight. I am tired and sad so I may just cut this short.

Thanks for reading friends!

12 September 2021

I was really lazy today. Maybe I needed a break. I said I was going to take a mental health day yesterday, good thing I didn't. I really need it today. I have been really quiet, and my husband noticed. Sometimes I just don't know how to feel better.

We have seven places to clean tonight. I just want to get it over with and go to bed.

Tomorrow will begin the next installment. Thanks for reading friends.