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Common Dating Frustrations Men Face, Solved

Dating and relationships can be hard in this day and age, but luckily we've identified common dating frustrations men face and offered solutions.

By Mackenzie Z. KennedyPublished 7 years ago 12 min read

Dating is hard for both men and women, and most guys will tell you that they feel like dating women is often an uphill battle. The truth is that even the biggest Casanovas on the block will have moments where they just don't understand girls.

Thankfully, we live in an age where the internet can help you get the dating skills you need in order to succeed. Experts say that these are the most common dating frustrations men have. Here's how to overcome each one.

No woman ever approaches you.

Photo by Brooke Olimpieri

Most guys have had a moment where they wondered why they just aren't getting girls walking up to them. The truth is that expecting women to make the first move isn't wise on a number of levels - unless, of course, you're an A-list celebrity.

Even in today's progressive society, most people still expect guys to make the first move. Women who are okay with talking to guys often worry about making the first move since they don't want to give the impression that they're "easy," and because they're worried about appearing desperate.

The fact is that dating and sex is, primarily, a numbers game with just little dashes of skill and luck involved. The more women you approach, the more success you'll have. Stop letting opportunities pass you by, and start talking to girls.

You keep getting rejected, no matter who you ask.

Photo by David Collier

Solving this problem isn't easy - for a number of reasons. It's a hard problem to solve, but also one that pays off in a number of ways once you do solve it.

In order to get some semblance of relationship success, you need to understand how attraction works and what is expected of both modern men and modern women.

Today, dating is not about just being nice, or having money. People are now looking beyond that and asking potential partners what else they bring to the table. Men and women alike are no longer okay with being with someone just for the sake of being paired up.

They want the whole package, and in order to get that whole package, you need to be a whole package yourself. Be honest and ask yourself if you would date someone like yourself. Would you want to date a partner who was better looking? Perhaps a partner who was more willing to compromise, or a partner who didn't smell bad?

Things like looks do matter a lot, even if it's not fair that they do. Even doing something like improving your appearance or physique can do major things. If you aren't employed, getting a job is a good way to show that you have some motivation and that you're looking to grow. If you don't do much outside of videogaming, you may want to look into hobbies.

Another issue that commonly causes major rejection is a lack of social skills or a lack of self-awareness. This is often indicated by behavior like lashing out at girls who reject you, sending dick pics to random strangers, or posting public rants about how women anger you. These things may seem minor to you, but they really aren't - and they're an indicator that you may need professional help.

That being said, you shouldn't focus solely on superficial things or things that you really can't change. You don't need to be over 6 feet tall, have a 6-figure paycheck, or have 6% body fat in order to get a girl.

Either way, in order to get a catch, you need to be a catch.

The girls you want to date want nothing to do with you, and the girls you're not interested in like you.

Photo by David Collier

There's two ways that you can solve this problem. You can either choose to love a girl who really is interested in you even though she may not be your "type" right off the bat, or you can try to improve yourself until the kind of girl you want will come by. There's no such thing as a perfect woman and even the most gorgeous girls have men who are totally fed up with them somewhere out there.

You keep getting burnt by the women that you date.

Many guys have exes who used them as walking ATMs, cheated on them, or used them as a "placeholder" while they waited for Mr. Right. This isn't cool, and it happens to women just as much as it happens to men.

Obviously, after one or two seriously bad relationships, it's easy to just write off the entire female gender as a bunch of golddigging users and abusers. In fact, many men do end up ragequitting the dating scene as a result of being burned badly by the wrong girl.

However, that's not a good solution to this problem - doing this will only make you bitter, hateful, and angry.

Even if it doesn't feel like it, it's important to remind yourself that the female gender is not out to get you. Not all women are evil. If you don't believe it, then look at some of the stories of happy marriages around you. For some girls, their man is their life.

The solution to this takes four steps to achieve, and it will take a lot of work on your end to complete. Much like other solutions on this list, doing this stuff will not only help you in your dating life - it will help you at work and also help your mental state.

First off, you need to go out and make female friends - even if it's online. Don't try to put the moves on them, and don't think about dating them. Legit, just befriend them. You might see a side to women that you haven't seen in a while, and that may help renew your faith in the feminine side.

Next, you may want to consider taking a break from dating. Seriously, just take a breather. You're not going to do anyone any favors by trying to continue dating in your current state.

All the hurt and hate you have for women at this moment will seep through in your love life, and it will poison even the best relationships. Dating a woman right now will basically make her feel like she's stuck in a "guilty until proven innocent" relationship and that will, in turn, cause a self-fulfilling prophecy to happen.

Third, you should consider signing up for a therapist who can help you overcome the emotional baggage. Talking things out can help you learn about how you process grief and also help you figure out what caused the problems in the last relationship.

Having professional help can also help you learn warning signs of abuse and help you establish healthy boundaries in your next relationship. These skills are totally crucial if you want to avoid bad relationships in the future.

Lastly, once you feel confident enough in yourself and no longer feel anger towards all women, you need to hit the dating scene again.

You got bitter.

Let's say that all the rejections and bad relationships have gotten you down to the point that bitterness has become part of who you are. At this point, you make no issue about how much you hate women. They hurt you, they never see you as good enough, and all you ever wanted was to date one and maybe get laid. Sound familiar?

If so, you need stop dating and take a break to heal from your pain. Now is not the time to try to continue dating, because doing so will only hurt you more.

If you have become bitter and hateful towards women, those negative vibes will only multiply if you leave that rage to stew. Worse, every rejection you'll get will make things worse.

Going on sites like The Red Pill also won't help. If anything, those kinds of "alpha male" sites just encourage more hate and also cause men to pick up abusive behaviors. You don't want to be the guy who ends up being outed as an abuser or a batterer, do you? Or the guy who ends up disgracing his family with his anti-woman rants? Of course not; you're better than that.

But in order to be the better man, you need to heal yourself. There's nothing wrong with asking professionals for help, especially when something like hatred for half the human population is holding you back from living the happy life you want to live.

For the sake of yourself and women around you, you also shouldn't date until you overcome the bitterness, anger, and hate that you've acquired over your dating endeavors. Focus on yourself for the time being, and understand that this phenomenon is common with men and women alike.

Ideally, you will give love a second chance. However, you don't need to do that if you don't want to get hurt again. Though you may eventually reach the conclusion that dating isn't worth it, just healing from the bitterness alone will help you feel a lot happier in your day-to-day business.

You're really insecure about your ability to flirt with girls.

Photo by David Collier

Most guys have, at one point or another, gotten insecure about talking to girls. They yammer, stammer, or just lose their cool around them. This is normal as can be, and it's actually easy to overcome compared to many of these problems.

The first thing that guys need to learn is that they need to stop putting girls on a pedestal. They are not gatekeepers to happiness, nor are they some strange creatures that ultimately decide your fate. Rather than see them as above you, see them as your equal.

Why? Because they are.

Just like you, they have flaws, insecurities, and problems in their life. They use the toilet. They sweat. They get wasted and puke. They are humans with their own likes, needs, and dislikes.

If you want a quick trick on how to talk to women without actually weirding them out, pretend they're guys at a party when you first walk up to them. You'll be surprised at how much smoother things go.

That being said, your insecurity issues may be something you want to work on. Getting self-esteem isn't easy, but there are ways to get more confidence as you develop as a person. Therapy, partaking in hobbies, volunteering, and even just getting better accomplishments at work can all help you gain confidence and improve your overall vibe.

Girls are ghosting you, or freezing you out.

Photo by Brooke Olimpieri

Do you regularly find yourself getting ghosted by women online, or via phone? Well, believe it or not, you're not alone. This is a common way women reject men and while it's not the nicest way to go about things, there's not much you can do about it.

The worst thing that you can do is start berating them when they don't answer you. This just cements the idea that they were right to bail on you, and worse, they may actually warn their friends about you. People will always talk about dates from hell, and you don't want to fall into that category.

The important thing to do here is to recognize that dating is still a numbers game. The more women you talk to, the better off your chances at getting laid will be.

Additionally, it's important to remember not to take things personally when a girl rejects you or freezes you out in this manner. As Dita Von Teese once said, "You can be the biggest, juiciest peach in the world, but that won't mean anything to a person who just doesn't like peaches."

You're legit terrified of rejection and failure.

Photo by David Collier

I'm sorry to tell you, but you will fail one way or another. No one has a 100 percent "YES" rate with dating - especially not in today's scene. You will fail. That's just the way things are.

But just because you'll fail a couple of times doesn't mean that you won't eventually succeed. If you want to win, you're going to have to be okay to fail.

Besides, what's the worst that can happen? If you ask her out and get a "no," you just move onto the next girl. If you don't ask her out, you might always wonder what would have happened. One of these will have longer-reaching consequences than the other.

You can't get laid, no matter what you try.

This happens for one of four reasons - it's either because you're way too sexual right off the bat, or because you don't make your intentions known early enough. Let's break this down into all four schools of thought:

Not Showing Enough Interest:

If you just hang out around girls without telling them that you'd be interested in dating them, they're going to assume you're not interested. Showing them interest can mean something as simple as saying that they're attractive, but if they don't feel that way about you it's okay.

Or, if you tell them too late, they may end up feeling betrayed by it since it'll come off as you trying to manipulate them into sex after just wanting to "be friends." Even if that wasn't your intention, that's how girls see it in many cases.

Being Too Sexual:

Sending unsolicited dick pics, cybersexing women, and just randomly asking women if you can have sex with them is not cool. Neither is having an online profile that talks about kink, BDSM, and has photos of you shirtless in the mirror.

Most women do enjoy sex. But, they want to get to know the guy for a week or so before they decide to get sexual with him. A good rule of thumb is to use the 7 hour rule, which tells you not to broach anything past a kiss for the first 7 hours of hanging out with a girl in person.

Expecting Sex In Exchange For Dinner/Dates/Being Nice:

A lot of men seem to think that dating is transactional. They assume that buying dinner or just providing women emotional support means that they deserve sex.

Sadly, dating is not transactional.

If dating was transactional, it'd be prostitution. Most women don't like guys who try to buy sex with dinner, primarily because it cheapens the entire dating experience.

If you think that it's wrong to treat a woman to a dinner or be a girl's friend only to be met with a risk that things won't work out on a sexual level, then you shouldn't date. Rather, you might want to look into a sugar daddy relationship, which tends to come with an expectation of sex involved.

Additionally, it's worth noting that having these expectations also can shoot you in the foot with women who really are interested in you. Women can pick up when men are trying to "buy" them - and they don't like it.

Imagine if you had an unattractive woman who bought you a fancy dinner, then kept whining that you weren't attracted to her after the fact. That doesn't sound fun, does it? That's basically what women who are dealing with guys who try to "buy" sex via dates have to deal with.

You may want to enlist the help of a therapist for this problem. After all, you need to learn that dating is about connections, and that women aren't sex vending machines. Until you fully take in that lesson, you'll probably continue to have problems with getting laid.

You Are Seen As A Guyfriend, But Not A Boyfriend:

This actually happens with a lot of decent men, and most of the time, the best way to avoid this is to improve yourself and look outside of your friendship circle for a date. Eventually, you will find a girl who's interested if you do this.

You can't get that ONE GIRL.

Photo by David Collier

Among Pickup Artists, this is known as "Oneitis." Oneitis is that all-consuming obsession with getting that one girl who you know would be perfect for you if only she'd see it. Sadly, it's a very toxic problem that both PUA's and other relationship experts can tell you is a bad, bad way of thinking.

Stop thinking about how to get her - especially if she already rejected you or if she's dating someone else. If she's not into you, you can't make her get into you.

Look for someone else, even if you aren't as interested in the new girl as you are in the ONE GIRL. Eventually, your obsession will fade away and you may find a girl who actually likes you.

Other guys are getting girls way more often than you.

This is a huge problem with both men and women. We tend to compare our successes to others, and this often makes us feel upset or disappointed with what we do have.

When this happens, you start to ignore the girls who are into you and start to get angry because other girls - girls you might not even be compatible with - aren't. Unfortunately, this often has pretty disastrous psychological effects.

Stop comparing yourself to other guys. I know, it hurts when you're not having as much success as others around you, but you need to stop thinking of it in those terms. Success is not a zero sum game.


About the Creator

Mackenzie Z. Kennedy

Socialite and dating guru Mackenzie Kennedy knows all about the inner workings of people and society as a whole. It's not only her lifestyle - it's her passion. She lives in Hoboken with her pet dogs, Cassie and Callie.

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    Mackenzie Z. KennedyWritten by Mackenzie Z. Kennedy

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