Can You Trust A Guy Who Ghosted Someone Else?
If he ghosted someone else, does that mean he'll "poof" you next?
Ghosting is a sad reality in today's modern dating scene. It's the act of disappearing without a warning or a trace as a way to break up with someone. Most people agree it's an act of cowardice that says volumes about the person who does it.
Without a doubt, ghosting is a pretty awful thing to do to someone because it hurts more than a typical breakup, and because it's disrespectful. It goes without saying that a man who does this to you isn't someone you should give another chance to; after all, who's to say he won't bail again?
But, what if he didn't ghost you... but ghosted others around him? Can you trust him then? Well, it depends on the situation as well as the timing involved in the last couple of ghosting moments.
If you want to play it safe, don't date guys who ghost.
Though ghosting is terrible to do, it's insanely common. That doesn't mean that everyone does it. If ghosting really doesn't mesh with your personal code of behavior, and if you really don't like the idea of being ghosted, don't date guys who have a reputation for ghosting.
Obviously, you can't always know who ghosts, but generally speaking, if you date a guy who is on Tinder or OKCupid, you should expect this behavior. Douchebags will be douchebags.
But, for most people, whether or not ghosting is a forgivable offense depends on how long he was with the ghosted party.
Even if it's a bit rude, most people won't hold it against others if the guy in question never bothers to write back to a random person he was chatting with for a week or so. After all, if you've only met someone once, it's very possible that you may have just forgotten to reach back.
Even if you didn't forget, that brief a discussion doesn't necessarily warrant a goodbye or formal meeting for rejection. It could even be a sign that they may be too busy to just do things "the old fashioned way."
However, things get sticky around the one month mark. At this point, a typical person will believe that there's some serious interest there. By three months, most people will stop seeing others or make a clean break if it's not working out.
Most people will begin to raise an eyebrow if they find out that the guy they're talking to ghosted someone else after 2 months or so.
By the time that a person has had date four, five, or six, there's a general belief that there's a serious possibility of a relationship growing. This is about the time when people begin expecting a certain amount of reciprocity when it comes to communication - and that means that ghosting becomes a lot less acceptable than it already was.
This time period alone is a good reason to take pause and rethink your relationship. Clearly, they didn't have enough courtesy to end things fairly or politely with the last person.
Considering how little effort it takes to just say you're not interested, them being unable to have enough stomach to do this says volumes, doesn't it?
Many people may see this as a yellow flag that insinuates that he may be conflict-averse to the point that he won't discuss major issues until they are no longer able to be ignored.
There are some kinds of ghosting breakups that should tell you that he's not someone who you want to be with.
If the guy that you're seeing ghosted his longterm girlfriend in order to be with you, then it's almost guaranteed that this is going to be a relationship that will fall apart. Additionally, dating a man who ghosted his last ex after having dated her for years is a very bad decision.
In both breakups, guys who ghosted in these situations showed zero consideration or empathy for the girl that they dumped. Rather than worry about how their partner would feel if they suddenly left, men who do this are more concerned about what they are doing and how to keep themselves happy.
Both situations also guarantee that you'll always wonder if he's going to be around later on, regardless of how long you two have been together. Moreover, if he's too scared to actually be honest in those situations with someone he supposedly cared about, that also means that he'll be too spineless to confront major problems with you in an open, constructive way.
Simply put, this level of ghosting should be a dealbreaker - period.
There are certain situations that definitely do call for ghosting.
If it's common knowledge that he was being abused by the girl he was dating, you really can't blame him for ghosting. At times, it's the only way to escape a seriously bad relationship - particularly if his partner was violent.
Of course, it's possible that he told you this as a way to justify his disappearing act. If you aren't sure if he's being honest, doing some detective work could be very helpful in deciding if he's the real deal... or just a ghost of the person he wants to be.