Breakups

Had to go anonymous on this one simply to protect those involved and because it will happen in a few weeks.

This is a merry-go-round. One of my favorite rides on the playground as a child and what would later become a metaphor to describe the world how I looked at life being in love with someone I care about deeply.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 11 years now. Since we were 15 and in high school. We just clicked. Being in an interracial relationship — in the South this is still a big thing — we saw a lot. Her parents disowned her and didn't speak to her and me for the first 7 years we were together and tried to make her life a living hell during. Our love prevailed.

While I was in college, girls would try and talk to me and being a committed man, I would always turn them down nicely. She was waitressing at the time so the guys that would come in would try the same.

We were seemingly unbreakable… until it happened

I found out she was talking to someone else. I confronted her about it and she said that it was nothing. I was never the jealous type as I always would talk to my classmates frequently who were women and she was very insecure about this but always assured her that it was simply about course work. This was not the same thing.

She cut him off, we continued on, and we didn't have another blip on the radar. A few months later, we got pregnant. I was unbelievably happy and thought that with this news, I should finally propose and make this official.

Months go by, our little girl is born, and we made a happy nest and I was finishing up with school. Then, out of nowhere, I see a phone number pop up on her phone. One that I had remembered from months before. Never forgot it. I acted naive and waited until she was asleep and seen a text she had received from the same number. All it took was reading that one text message for it to completely dismantle everything we had built all these years:

Sender: “I want to see my daughter!!!”

What? When? How?…WHY?!?

I was devastated.

That one text told me everything I needed to know and didn't think could be true.

The Very. Next. Day, I went to get a DNA test. Waited…. got the results. 0% chance that I was the father. Wow!

We went through a ton of shit after that. I mean, a lot! The only reason why I am still here today, is because for months, I cared for this child as if she was my own. I was there when she drew her first breath, first steps, first words, all of it! And all the adversity I experienced with her mother in my teens and fighting off all these women; now this?

This, of course, has taken a toll on other areas in my life, mainly my education as I was not able to devote the time or energy needed to my studies.

Now, back to my favorite ride: the merry-go-round

​The world itself can seem very disorienting. There is so much you can get into, and without someone you love as a focal point, you can be left dizzy spinning around on this little planet. She was no longer focusing on me and instead tried to go for on one of the many things that will always be there swirling around us. There will always be another guy or girl vying for your lovers attention and without having each other as a focal point, both of you will be left dizzy and confused.

As I am regaining my balance, I see that she is not the one and because there is a child involved, I now have to be extra careful in making my exit. So if you’re going to ride this thing, make sure you’re riding it with someone you truly love UPDATE: […] and loves you back.