Body Language in Dating: Make Sure Your Body isn’t Saying the Wrong Thing

Dates are a mystery.

The whole thing can be full of mixed signals. When she wasn’t facing towards you while you were talking, did that mean she was uninterested? Did she lean closer because she likes you, or did she just not hear what you said?

More often than not, you unconsciously read into your dates’ actions, and you have good reason to.

After all, people don’t only speak verbally, we also speak with our body.

This is especially the case when you’re dating internationally. Because verbal communication is difficult to achieve, we tend to look more into body cues to help us realize the other’s feelings.

In fact, according to research, approximately 80-90 percent of our messages are conveyed through body language. In this case, actions do speak louder than words.

But, actions are also very easy to misunderstand. To help avoid this, here are some body gestures you need to know when dating:

Poor grooming

We don’t think of grooming or hygiene as body language. Aside from that, it’s routine for us to dress up and clean ourselves, so we often don’t pay attention.

But when you’re on a date it’s obviously important to mind your appearance. How you present yourself speaks volumes about you to your date. For one, the way you dress and carry yourself reflects your thought process about the date.

For instance, if you arrive at the date looking overly casual — a plain shirt and perhaps khaki shorts on — then your date will assume you aren’t taking things seriously.

Besides, you barely put any effort into how you look will make your date think how little you are investing into the date or to impress them.

Take time to look dapper than usual. Shave, style your hair – do some visible changes to your appearance. If your date sees how well-prepared you are, they will have the impression that you’re as equally invested in the date as they are.

Posture

Your posture shows a lot about your perception of yourself. It reflects how confident you are, and how approachable you are to others.

Your posture will be one of the first things your date notices about you. If you appear too timid or too proud, it will affect your date’s opinion of you. Not to mention, it can also affect how you do during the whole event.

1. Slouching

Women are attracted to confidence, and standing straight helps display that. You won’t want to look timid in front of your date.

But if you are shy, and slouching is already second nature to you, there’s no shame in that. It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do well in the dating scene. Push yourself out of your comfort zone a little.

Avoid hunching forward. Lean back and keep your head up. Be confident. Your date gave you a chance and met with you for a reason. That should be enough assurance for you not to worry so much.

2. Closed-off body language

The worst thing you can do during a date is to look unapproachable.

Smiling and being receptive to the conversation aren’t the only things you need to pay attention to, to make yourself look friendly.

Avoid folding your arms. You might be doing it to flex your arms. It might be a habit for you to do so when you’re thinking. But when you’re on a date, know that folding your arms is a defensive stance. This can be misunderstood as guarding yourself from your date. It might even mean you don’t want them knowing you even more.

A good posture is proven to boost your testosterone and lower your cortisols. This means, it can help you become more confident and lessens your stress. Thus you will be able to go on with the date better.

Eye contact

You’re on a date. We get it, you can get shy or nervous, and avoiding eye contact might help you feel better. But for your date, it doesn’t help.

Eye contact creates connection, and a connection is why you’re there in the first place. Meeting someone’s eyes, especially when they are talking, will make them feel more valued and important. Meanwhile, avoiding eye contact implies that you aren’t paying attention.

If you really get shy looking into their eyes, here’s a technique. You can look at the space between her eyebrows. It gives the same feeling of attentiveness but without you directly looking at her eyes.

Personal space

We carry with us a bubble of personal space. If someone invades it, it can cause various responses based on who is invading it and the given context.

Know your boundaries.

A date isn’t enough consent to allow you to be intimate with her. Yes, men desire to let their interest show — and that’s charming. But you also need to read her cues. Understand whether she’s comfortable with your advance or not.

For instance, if you initiate and she doesn’t lean away, that can be your go-signal. But if she does the opposite, then create some space. The bottom line is know your limitations and never make your date uncomfortable.

The overall image is better remembered than spoken words.

We don’t go on a date and focus on observing our date’s movement. But while that’s the case, it doesn’t mean non-verbal cues go unnoticed or immediately forgotten.

A date’s impact doesn’t only depend on what you choose to say.

If you try and recall how your date went, rarely will your mind immediately scan through every detail it remembered from the conversation you had. Instead, you’ll get an overall picture of how your date behaved during the whole event.

For example, you won’t exactly remember, word per word, what she might have said when you asked about her skydiving experience. Rather, you would better remember how excited she was about it.

Therefore, when it comes to judgement of character, and seeing a clearer picture of how the date went, you need to pay more attention to your body language.