Being a Burden

So let me begin from the beginning, I was in a abusive relationship who I had my second daughter with. Things weren't going so well but then I had to realized that staying in the relationship I would probably end up dead or worse my oldest daughter would have gotten hurt badly. I can't say things were the greatest but I started to drift away from him or try to find ways to make it work. Now I started to write about this because the place I'm at, I don't know if I should keep on trying or if I should stay and fight.

Well anyway moving on, I got on this app for dating called Bumble. That's where I met him, I won't say his name but we can just call him "HIM". Once we started talking and getting to know each other things hit off at first. We had a first date at Red Robin near the mall and it was really amazing. We had burgers, ate and talked for hours to get to know each other. I told him everything about myself. Things were getting worse with my EX, and he saved my girls and I from getting hurt. I don't want to say anything bad about him but I just know things were going to have to happen. So that's when I left with both my girls and stayed with HIM till I needed to figure things out.

So the next chapter in my life after we had left the place we were at. Things kind of cooled down but then there were threats towards my mom who was living with me at the time. At that time she was there when things were happening and did nothing as a mother who knew her daughter and grand-daughters needed help. I tried going to my exes parents but they also did nothing. Not even my own father but he was like four hours away.

After I had left and stayed with HIM I couldn't say but he was staying with his dad who at the time wasn't working and he was working at Fedex. At first I thought his father didn't mind me being there but things started to get bad little by little. I didn't understand why his dad was so angry but part of it was because his dad wasn't working and he had to do a lot to support his dad until he found work. During that time I had got my medical assistant certification and wanted to work but I had no one to look after my girls. The next thing I did was take my oldest to my grandmother who is the great grandmother to her. As for my second daughter, I wanted her to have a good life whether I was part of it or not. Her dad hasn't let me seen her, yet I've tried for a year and still nothing.

Back to my original story two years past, things were doing a lot better with HIM. Then he told me before he had to go to Georgia for some military training. Which he is in the army because it runs in his family. So he had to get ready to pack and make the drive to Georgia to get there on time. During that time he was going to take me to San Antonio to find work which I almost did but when he made it to where he needed to get to, he tells me that I am allowed to be up there with him. He told me he was ready for his training and that he wanted to be away from his dad at that time.

My thing is that anytime that I was with him his dad never approve, which I never understood because in my mind he thought I was after his money but I wasn't. I'm not the type to just use someone for money. The past three years we have our arguments and happy moments. My thing is now we have son together and his family, well from what he has told me that they respect me for being the mother of his son but is it respect when I'm not an angry person but a happy mom who loves her family and will do anything to keep his family happy and okay. I take care of my boys and drop anything if need be.

Am I the only one who believes that holding onto the past is bad, even when it does not involve anyone? Am I wrong for backing off or at least trying to make it work that way everyone can be part of my son's life?

These are questions that I don't get why people don't see that I'm trying to do better but it's like they choose not to see it. What am I suppose to do?