And Now just from and In my Own part 1 stories from the past

In my own world everything is just great just like that peace joy the real life

things feel so good life in the now the nature talk to me through its gestures

happily I am still alive what I need to go through everyday in this life

only some can truly realize how many creations and ways I need to go through to create a healthy state and calm down the demons that never are giving me rest now I am enough now i dont care in silence after my healing lecture and the performance that took in the space without crowd without public just like that in my own private family clan

Abuse in there is the only name they do carry with themselves the more they see me in pain the more they see me stronger the more they attack, together with them the virtual world like a champions who knows where and how to detect the moment with pain or nausea I am still in prayers and practice and I get what I deserve the better health I prefer animals they listen to me without a word I make them calm and sleep and nicer without a single word we talk with each other by the way we are real we play and help to heal in the playground space sometimes its very tough and hard

sometimes I can no longer take this pain sometimes the alone path is much better way than truly socialize and now the space the after all because writing seems like there is no sense at all the talking wont even express the single wave of its emotions and state talking and writing its not the only way practicing its only when the pain is just overwhelming again

how more real I can get in the unreal space I know such freedom not many can have not many can be enough brave to communicate with someone like me but why so many people does open so much ? I am just going out for my mind and body to heal to relax and just when I am on the way people come straight into my face and they tell me as If I was their only real secret friend, I talk with them even being sick, I listen to them even though I have so much more important things to transfer and to give sometimes they do help me too we learn each other but when I am coming back to my room

I cant find the joy from these interactions I feel the pattern I feel how they do really try I feel their struggle their pain and I need to jump into the action sometimes its just too much of it all some will say what for because my body feels what they are going through so do I really have a choice ?

It wouldnt be so bad actually if I could again have my home as I did in China since I was 4 years old I knew where my real home will be I travelled through many countries escaping from the hell of narcisisstic chains the european misery of inhuman waves, I once went to India for a year that was the best kind of a deal and also the worst in the horror of it all at least my social life was a great adventure and the balance had it all, my work was so far away from the slams I lived in a room where there was nothing and just a materace believe me or not I was the most happy person in this world my face my smile was not disappearing I felt like someone put me inside my smile a banana I was in a plane and I was so joyful and excited for it all, the guy next to me was telling me I will go through a horror He didnt know I was just running from the one what can be worser than from where I came from ? He was not not right He was older He was perfectly smart but I went there to know to discover for a mission of a change everybody does have it and need to try to make it all. No matter how hard the life and situations will ever be I guess my life was always this way and I didnt even know any practice any healing way but I was getting out of it all natural way with time and beliefs the optimistic way. I enjoyed all in there from my way to the work taking rikscha taking the walk taking the bus where males were wearing just a white pants and kept their fingers inside their noses eating the green I really did enjoyed it all I had enough of the academy and family narcissistic world I was never a broken child or a spoilt even though I was called this way. Money doesnt describe the pain and money can be finished very fast. I was working for just one hundred dollars a month from morning till the very late of the night. I needed to have two permissions to get out from the work at the beginning it was funny to wait two hours for them to let you out but not when you already had a date or a planned meeting at night. The guy was taking you finally on a motorbike I never knew if we gonna reach my home or we gonna die. I was really loving this whole of a ride that was the real life.

You will say jumping thoughts ? no its a state where surrounded by narcissists you really dont know where to really go Yeah its human its part of the living and surviving in this very world. It does really feel more than just a horrible its beyond the horror