An Open Letter to My Current Self

Dear Self,

I know you're having a hard time lately and hurting very deeply. I hope you know that you're not alone. You've been having flashbacks of your ex punching you in the face and then swearing he loves you. You've been hurting and wishing you had someone to hold you and keep you safe from people like him. But the truth is, nobody can protect you fully from things. You have to protect yourself sometimes. You can't rely on someone else to heal you. You have to heal yourself. I know it's difficult, believe me I know. You've cried alot. You've felt like absolute crap. But look at what you've done in the meantime. You've shared your story on social media and had so many people reach out and tell you that you're not alone. You've shown solidarity with your fellow survivors and that has been more rewarding then I can imagine. You will get through this. Healing isn't linear as I've said before. You have to just ride the waves, no matter how hard they may be. You have to understand that you will in fact be ok. You will get through this. Someone is going to love you and you will be happy. But for right now you need to learn how to love yourself. You need to unlearn all the lies your ex told you. You need to unlearn all the lies you told yourself. You need to learn some hard lessons. You've already learned alot and I want to give you credit for that. But you still have a lot more to learn. Your healing journey isn't over yet. You need to understand that love shouldn't hurt. You need to understand that you will in fact be okay. Everything is going to work itself out. You;ll find yourself. But you need to heal. And while that may seem impossible, it's not. You need to let go of all your anger and hatred of men, you need to realize that love shouldn't hurt and you need to forgive yourself and give yourself the apology your ex is not going to give you. He's to selfish for that. You need to soften your heart and let some light in. You can't live in darkness forever. You have to give yourself time to heal. This will take time and while you may in fact get impatient, it will be worth it when your done healing. You'll feel lighter and happier. You'll feel more at peace. You'll feel loved and will appreciate things that much more because of all you went through. You're probably saying to yourself that you've been through hell and it's been 3 years and you deserve peace and something good. That's all true! But you also need to heal. Think about it. If you got into a relationship now, You'd probably end up hurting the other person because your so hurt and still have a lot of healing to do. You need to take this time and get to know yourself again. Really figure out your boundaries and figure out what you want. You have to take this time and get to know you and actually be single. You've never been single for this long. And you've never had a healthy relationship so you need to learn what that is. Take your time. The right person will come at the right time and everything will fall into place. I know I sound like a fortune cookie but someday you'll read this and cry because you'll realize I was right. You'll realize why you had to deal with this.