An Apology to You.

I took a moment to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with myself. Yup, you heard that right. I had a one-on-one apology session, not for my own sake, but for yours. Sounds peculiar, I know, but bear with me. It was like a weight off my chest, dumping out all those unspoken grievances, even if they never reached your ears. It was a bit of self-imposed therapy, and it seemed to work wonders.

In my pursuit for closure, I had this epiphany—I hadn't really considered your side of the story. It struck me like a ton of bricks, prompting me to formulate this apology because, let's be real, for real; you deserve one too.

So, dear friend, this one's for you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for not living up to whatever expectations you might've had of me. I apologize for painting this picture-perfect version of our friendship that probably veered far from actuality. I'm sorry for not making more effort to incorporate you into the routine of my life, with all its mundane small-town quirks. And I'm sincerely sorry for being so wrapped up in my own world, leaving you on the sidelines.

I am sorry for not having the same vision of how friends are supposed to be. I'm sorry that I'm not good at having friends. I apologize for making you feel like a burden or bother, even though, I was ecstatic to have you here... until I wasn't.

I own up to my shortcomings—I'm sorry for snapping when you tried to lend a hand, for employing a tone that dripped with condescension whenever I got annoyed, and for failing to establish clear boundaries, leading to unnecessary confrontations. I'm sorry for telling you things were fine, when they were driving my OCD over the wall or making me uncomfortable in my own home. I shouldn't have blamed you for the things you did that you thought were helpful. I'm sorry for silently expecting more from you without actually communicating it, and for any disappointment or rudeness, I may have unwittingly demonstrated.

Knowing that my actions have caused you misery cuts deep. If I've ever put our friendship in jeopardy with my actions or lack thereof, I'm truly sorry. Even if you never stumble upon this apology, just know that it derives from honest regret.

Reminiscing on the bond we shared, I've come to realize that maybe, just maybe, we both had this idealized version of each other. We weren't what either of us expected. Our past is behind us and maybe that's where our friendship truly lives. It's a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes, friendships don't stand the test of time or only exist in a certain period of time.

Despite the bumps in the road and the moments I wish I could rewind, I'm so very grateful for every single memory we created together. Each instance in time, whether it brought us joy or heartache, has left its imprint on our shared journey. We were friends, we were best friends. We needed each other and we knew each other. Maybe we weren't meant to bring our worlds together but, instead, we were meant to maintain a distance relationship. Our on-and-off friendship with random life updates throughout the course of weeks, months, or years... maybe that's where our friendship thrives. Where we live as best friends. Where we should have kept us.

At the end of the day: here's to owning up to our mistakes, seeking forgiveness, and holding onto the little moments that made our friendship special. If by chance, our paths never shall cross again, from here on out, I'll always hold dear the bond we once shared. So, raise your glass and cheers to that... for me, for you, for us, and for once was.