All That I Got Is You

Dwelling in the past, flashbacks when I was young, whoever thought that I'd be writing this sentence under the sun. I'm going through this difficult stage; I find it hard to believe why my world has so many struggles. Only twenty-one years old, and my soul seems to live many lifetimes ago, I have been living for this corrupt things the earth has to offer, instead of living for the divine law with myself. After 2020, things seem to go downhill, I recently had to take online courses for my family needed extra hands around the house. I'm a junior, soon to be senior, with a creative writing bachelor's degree at New England College, I bear so much weight on my shoulders.

My father feels the brittle ages of his time drawing near, yet he still got a little fight in him, my older brother being in a car accident is on unemployment since he can't go into work with his job letting him go, and my mother who is a multiple sclerosis patient is barely mobile, she requires a walker in order to move around is supporting the family at the moment with her disability checks. Times like that, I'm glad she was a nurse, without her education I don't think I would be here typing, it's outlandish that I'm even writing my experience on to this page. Yet I owed it to them to prove what I'm made of, so I applied for a job at UPS as a package handler don't get wrong the minimum wage is alright, yet it won't last for long if something happens to me.

The fear of a company that can let you go at anytime is really heart-wrenching, if not petrifying. I have been just underestimating myself with so much in life, I question my parent's love, my brother's loyalty, and my girlfriend's honesty when I don't think I have been finding a place where everybody could understand me. I have been grappling on so much, I have to succeed, I have no car to be mobile in order to get my mother her medication, get groceries, I need to take Uber's or order takeout so we at least have something to eat.

At times, I feel embarrassed because I'm almost dead broke, I can't stand to ask for help from those who care for me. In these times like this, it's tough for someone to rely on, and I got support from my girlfriend, but she requires helping her own family. Her & I have been trying to work on so much we're in right now with our own situations, though we promised each other when everything was stable, especially financially, that we could see better days for ourselves and our families. It's just a rough path I'm on, yet I won't fold under perfect conditions of heat and pressure that's how diamonds are made, I'm just under the pressure & heat process waiting to come out of my circumstances as a diamond. I have been contemplating in my head so much, How was I going to really help my family? When will I see money come in? Why was all this happening around me? I remember I had my old journal labeled "George X", I opened it up to analyze all the things I wanted to accomplish if I put my mind to it.

I honestly cried when I read each line and curve I had of my thoughts onto those pages, I'm doing this all by myself all I could feel the reality crumble before me, I just asked myself why? Furthermore, I remembered my father came limping into my room, he saw the tear in my eyes. Before he could get his question out to ask about his concern for his son, I went to give him a great big hug, I just had no clue exactly what was happening, yet he had a feeling I was in great despair.

I explained to him how everything was just too much, and I was angry at the fact we lived how we lived in our lives, he reassured me by telling me "Our family is going to make it". I just didn't know what to make it out of it, yet he explained that my writing was the best thing he saw me do as a talent & skill, as long he could remember when he first saw me write it couldn't believe it, when I self-taught myself to write he knew I could become the best version of myself I can be. He explained to me that my writing was a tool at my disposal and I needed to use it to my advantage, instead of hurting myself physically by working, instead he wanted me to use my brain in order to exercise my talents. That push helped me in order to write stories again, I started writing poems once more, selling my work from 5 dollars to 20 dollars for different pieces of writing for people to buy copies.

I constantly do hard-work in order to support myself in school, my family that crucially require unity in these times of trials & errors. The 20 dollars I make every time are barely helping my lifestyle, yet if I know it will help my family, then I should make the most of it. It's almost noon now I have been writing this out since 11 o'clock in the morning, I have work at 12 thirty in the afternoon, I feel the need to tell people that even though my situation is dire at the moment you just need to make the most of it. Become the best you can under these conditions, as human beings we have the ability to seek out resources and guide one another through this cold rain we walk in that showers us with pain. It's up to all of us in order to help one another to uplift and rise to the occasion, remember that the trials and tribulations won't break us, become the man, become the woman you strive for because I'm still trying to navigate through this world as a young writer. The path I'm taking is a rough one, hopefully I can make it toward the finish line, yet this is no race, it's a marathon, it will only continue with the steps you take in order to become the best version of yourself.