All Humans Matter: We Need to Do Better...and More.

When I was in college, my boyfriend and I spent the night talking our friend out of taking his own life. The jump he was contemplating making wouldn’t have killed him. He was already broken emotionally. Had he leaped, his body would have been shattered, but I fully believe he would have lived. Physically. Would it have brought him some sense of comfort – being broken in both body and spirit? I honestly don’t know. After all, how can we possibly fathom what's going on in the vast depths of someone’s soul? That night, my boyfriend and I attempted to convey to our friend just how much we cared about him; we tried to let him know just how much he – and his life – mattered. I understood, if we succeeded in getting through to him, it would be fleeting – that the next day, he would once again be struggling with whatever metaphorical demons had taken hold of his psyche, of his soul. But still. I also hoped that if we were able to save him that night, there existed the possibility that the next day, he might also pick up the phone and reach out to someone who might be able to help him; someone who might tap into the recesses of his spirit and provide him with the help he needed and deserved, more permanently. Our friend? He came from a wealthy family. He had all the monetary riches that kids our age – or adults of any age - could only dream of ever accessing or achieving. He zipped around campus in a Porsche his parents had bought him to celebrate his High School graduation, and he tossed money around as if it were – part and parcel of the air we breathed. He had attended the best boarding schools, was constantly surrounded by a bevy of friends. On the outside, he seemed happy – and as if he was complete, living his life to the proverbial fullest. …but that night, as I sat with him, it became very clear to me that something inside him was missing…something vital, something that left him feeling as if he didn’t belong to this earth and its people. In the midst of Society and those who loved him – he felt an incomprehensible and incalculable loneliness.

That night, my boyfriend and I were ultimately successful…at least in persuading our friend from taking his death-intending leap. We stayed up all night, just talking – allowing him to share whatever it was he was feeling, and we validated his feelings, even if we, personally, couldn’t understand them. We coaxed him into making a call the next morning – not necessarily to someone closest to him, but to someone he trusted implicitly…someone he felt had the best chance of saving him - not just in one moment of time, but into the future. This was the 80s, where there were less options available to those battling mental health issues than there are today. We did our best with what we had within our reach at the time, and thankfully, for that person at that time, it was enough.

Depression is a beast. Its one that tears, to shreds, the inner workings of a person, leaving them a mere shell…a dry husk of chaos…or outright emptiness. Sometimes, no amount of cajoling…of reasoning…of attempting to get someone to see their true worth works in terms of infiltrating the beast and demolishing it, especially once its taken hold. We pray for Easy Answers – and very most often, there are – none. Those who face their depression head on? For them, it’s a daily battle, fraught with pain and suffering…progress and setbacks. Mental Healthcare has improved somewhat in this country over the years, but we’re still millions of miles away in terms of providing for the needs of The All. The human animal is a highly complex creature…and each human on this planet is vastly different in terms of how their mind functions…and in what they need to feed their spirits. Still. Proper training of Mental Healthcare professionals, access to viable services, adequate coverage for patients, caring and compassion of Society At Large COULD potentially go a long way towards helping people – to the point where they don’t think that death is their only option.

In the 21 years I have known John…mainly through Cyber Space…I never knew the beast within him suffered. His joyous family photos belied his soul-devastating pain. We humans? Our daily and lifely performances put Tony-Award winning actors to shame. We become exceedingly adept at hiding, at pretending – at ultimately convincing others that our facades ARE our realities. Social Media can be a wonderful way to connect with others, but it also allows us to hide behind cellphones and laptops…our Cyber Beings leading the way, while we, as authentic human beings recede…sometimes and devastatingly into nothingness.

I don’t have the answers. I feel helpless in that regard…and in so many others. I feel the best thing we can do is to at least keep talking about it – to eradicate the stigma attached to mental health issues, overall, and to be easier on and more accepting of those around us. I know there’s a quote Out There, somewhere…that says something along the lines of: “We’re all waging silent battles. Be Kind to Each Other.” And there is SO much truth to this. Sitting in judgment of Those or That we don’t understand can very quickly erode not just interpersonal relationships – but the minds and spirits of individuals – human beings who's worth on this planet is immeasurable. We ALL matter. We ALL deserve to be saved.