Afternoon Tea: Claridge's

At about 4pm one day in 1840, Anna, The Seventh Duchess of Bedford, realised she was a bit peckish, poor thing. So she - oh, let's cut to the interesting bit: Afternoon Tea, invented by said Anna, is finger-sized sandwiches, scones, and tea to be eaten in the afternoon from china cups and plates. Also cakes. Lots of teeny-tiny, creamy, shiny, sweet and dainty cakes. It's an offering on the menu at all the best hotels and restaurants in the UK and it's very popular for obvious reasons (the reasons are the cake).

My sister and I have a bit of an afternoon tea habit. It started one grey afternoon when one of us had been dumped, or had argued with a spouse or a parent, or had a job setback or something. We were hanging around in Trafalgar Square. 'Let's go and have a really posh afternoon tea somewhere,' said I, and she agreed, so we trudged off to the Corinthia Hotel in nearby Whitehall Square. In the foyer, we were warmly greeted, swiftly seated, and served a seemingly continuous stream of comforting tea and treat-laden plates, all to the tinkling of the baby grand in the corner. And from that day, we were hooked. We try to meet at least twice a year in a London hotel or tearoom and sample the afternoon tea. It's a sort of hobby (that you wouldn't put on your CV).

We'd always fancied Claridge's, with its reputation as the Londonest and most elegantly casual of them all, but it's very often booked out -- and then, of course, Covid. So this last March, back in the dreary early spring lockdown, I booked for May in the hope (but not the expectation, as with everything this past year) that we might actually be able to do it. And huzzah! Last Sunday was the day. Restrictions allowed it and our mother was visiting for the first time this year. What's more worthy of celebration than the first hug from our mum since August? We added her to the booking, assumed the usual Grown Up Lady personas we try for on these occasions, and showed up at the appointed time.

Entering Claridge's is like a sigh. It's like they know you. It is so posh that you don't even know it's posh, it just makes all your bones feel comfortable. The Foyer, where afternoon tea is served, has a centrepiece fountain of flowers beneath a Dale Chihuly glass sculpture, all riotous curling tubes. We were seated in an anteroom which could've felt second best, but in fact meant we could hear one another more easily over the pianist. I don't know if I'll ever get used to the usual Covid measures of online menus and NHS check-ins, but Claridge's can hardly be blamed for that, and in any case the staff were knowledgeable and helpful. I always choose an English Breakfast type tea because whenever I don't, I wish I had, and we all plumped for the Claridges Blend. Mum and I are vegetarian so we ordered two vegetarian afternoon teas and one ordinary tea (ordinary! in Claridges!). Then we sat back in luxury and chatted.

We've brought various guests along on these jaunts. My 12-year-old daughter and my 17- year-old nephew joined us on our last outing (they are forbidden from future teas due to a refusal to eat anything that isn't chocolate and communist views that don't accord with posh afternoon teas respectively). This was the first time we'd brought our mum - and our mum, these days, is Buddhist. She lives in a Buddhist community when she isn't visiting us in London or off on retreat in a shack in Wales (for example). So we had to have a quick word with her beforehand about the general luxurious and expensive nature of afternoon teas. She had promised to play along with the silly poshness and profligacy that is a London Afternoon Tea. And for the most part, she did.

This brings me on to the finger sandwiches: the perfect mindful snack, especially if you eat them with the knife and fork provided. There are limits to our grown-up personae, though: we used fingers. My sister and I judge our afternoon tea sandwiches by the ones we were served at that long-ago tea in the Corinthia. They were light, and symmetrical, and more delicious than a filling between two slices of bread has any right to be. Claridge's sandwiches easily met the Corinthia standard. Cucumber, the mainstay of afternoon tea: light, salty, and flavoured with dill. I loved the Egg mayonnaise with (I think) caramelised onions but mum prefers a simpler, uncluttered egg mayo (and life). Roast peppers were delicious and, best of all, the portabello mushroom in tomato bread.

Every time we have afternoon tea we overdo the sandwiches. I mean, who would imagine slivers of bread-and-protein could fill you up? These were so delicious we repeated our mistake and ordered another round. That meant that although we glided through the scones with tea gelee and clotted cream, we struggled when it came to the dainty cakes. Scones were soft inside and the specially-made Marco Polo gelee was lighter than jam, and delicious. The cakes were exquisite both to look at and, those we were able, to taste. A tea macaron had the balance between delicate crunch and luxurious squish just right, and the religieuse (2 choux buns one atop the other like a little french pierrot) was creamy heaven. The rest had to go in a box to takeaway and were gobbled up by children as soon as I walked through the door (verdict: 'nice').

Only three downsides, really: I wasn't sold on the Claridges blend - I prefer my tea stronger and milkier, being a bit common. The loos were amazingly clean and gorgeously art-deco opulent, but mum the Buddhist didn't enjoy having staff therein who turned the taps on, and I didn't like it much either. And finally, of course, the price. Worth every penny, we thought, but we hid the bill from our mum.

We think Claridges lived up to its reputation and was the best afternoon tea so far. Everything was unrushed and lovely, and we sort of wanted to move in. Afternoon Tea is £70 per person and you absolutely must book in advance.

Claridge's, Brook Street, Mayfair, London W1K 4HR