A Letter To The Little Girl That Saved Me…

When we learn to soften, we respond to our pain from a place of ease. We acknowledge the pain we hold, but we soften the grip, cradle our struggles and try not to attach to them. We forgive—ourselves, others—and find the path towards peace.

I have felt unworthy, unloved, undesirable and simply isolated. But I’ve realised where that innate feeling came from, it’s always been there from being a child, a young teen. The people that were meant to love me broke me before the outside world could. They made me feel stupid and hopeless. My words held no weight. Whatever I did was always questioned in comparison to my brothers. I showed myself to my parents, I showed them my desires for acceptance. I never knew how to stop because deep down I wanted to hear something new, something different. I wanted, no, in-fact needed them to validate me, my wants and needs because for so long everything I mentioned was wrong or never met with love. I lost myself, my identity all for validation.

I was told I was directionless. I was a fighter until I wasn’t any more . I succumbed to their calling, gave up and gave in to their wants. They really didn’t care about the results I got, just the fact that they could say I graduated. I never wanted to go to uni, they were the worst years (if you know my story of domestic violence, then you know this season of my life was a hell of a movie in worst possible way ever) but somewhat the best times of my life. But it wasn’t what I wanted. If you were to ask, did you have a choice? No I didn’t. I was pushed, dictated to and told what path was mine.

My life was all about meeting expectations, forget what I wanted or needed because I was a child who knew nothing. That’s what they thought. That’s what they believed. And slowly, but, surely I did to. All I did was become what they want, and even that kept on changing. There were so many pressures - I had to cook all the time. I had to do so much because I was a girl - the only one left in house to become a wife. A mother. I fought for my voice, albeit, it was always a pity fight.

I now know who I am. I know my own voice now, and not of those that deeply penetrated their foul words into me. I am a beautiful girl with a powerful mind. I do know what’s best for me and I am starting to trust myself. Love myself, listen to myself. I am worthy and deserving of it all. I am influential. People watch what I do and they love it. There are people that want to hear what I have to say. There are people that see me and silently support me. I am no longer focusing on what no longer matters, those who no longer matter I wish them well.

But, today, God I know that I am amazing. I am loved. I am love. My voice is powerful, there is weight in what I say. I am deserving of being supported by the right people and soon I will start to see my supporters in real time online - supporting what I do. I get it. I needed to identify this innate pain and transform it. I am ready to fight again, because, now, God I know how much you’ve got me. I am held in the spiritual world by my ancestors- how can I feel unsupported when I have the most powerful team behind me. How can I feel unloved when there is so much happening in the spirit world just for me and mine.

It’s been a journey, a hard one. I’ve felt like I lost my mind, when in reality I was losing all that wasn’t me, for me and went against me. I will never put human design or astrology above you lord, for you are greater and yet the maker of it all. Thank you for showing me all that you’ve done so far. Thank you for never forsaking me.

Today, I walk into my being of influence. Today I stand affirm that everything I desire is mine. Today I accept all parts of me and release any suppressed pains. I am no longer oppressed. I am no longer my past. I am who I say I am. I am love. I am blessed. I am gifted. I am an entrepreneur. I am a transformational coach. People adore me because I adore me. I am recognised. I am celebrated. I am everything good that this life could offer.

I am sorry to little Sheeda, I am sorry for not listening. I am sorry I gave up. I am sorry it’s been hard. You’ve always been strong, resilient and one to not ever stay down. Today a new book opens, you always knew we were special, you always knew we had what it takes. I’m sorry I gave up fighting but today we stand together and united. Today I cherish you, I honour you. I recognise you. You have always been ahead of time, you have always known what you wanted and believe me we will swim in wealth. In health. In love. You have had to hold so much in which resulted in our spleen being affected. But we no longer have that issue. We are free from pain. Free from digestive issues. Our body is now at one with each other. I love you, I love us, we are one.

Little Sheeda, you are my first love and best friend. Stand, with grown me and let’s take on the world together - you amazing, beautiful little girl. You are everything to me. I am sorry it’s actually taken this long - but together with God, our ancestors, we open a new book and begin a new story. We are one, we are luxury. We are health, we are wealth. We are influential and needed in a society like ours. We will go where we are called, we will help those who invite us. We will love, we will win. We will enjoy. Because life? Baby girl it’s for living. And we’ve got this. However no matter who and what, always use your discernment. Never stray away from your true essence. You have a spiritual team that loves. Always look to them.

And finally there was peace in the storm - for I became the Storm sent to destroy me. - RasheedaLoves

We are divinely protected, guided and cared for. Trust in the unknown. Trust in God, always.

🤍🧿✌🏾