6 Reasons You Should Quit Your BFF

Have you ever hung around someone who’s very presence was draining? Even over the phone? They don’t have to say a word and you can just feel the inner static.

I had a friend like this, then I divorced him. It’s one thing to go through a rough patch in your life, but if the reason behind your rough patch is because you keep doing the same sh*t and believing it will bring different results, then by definition, you’re insane. Shrugs.

Friendships are reflective in nature.

People tend to connect because they have the same interests, personality traits, and personal experiences.

In short, if we’re alike then I’ll probably want to connect with you.

My ex-BFF and I had similar interests and goals. I began to reach my goals and he just wasn’t. I didn’t think much of it at first because everyone is on a different growth schedule and you never truly know what’s happening in someone else’s life.

With him, I was pretty damn close to understanding. When I was unemployed, we would stay on the phone all day long. He had a job, but hated it and confessed that he wanted to start a podcast and learn about Bitcoin.

But he never did.

I was actively working on my business idea and manifesting it into physical form. As it began to take shape, he became jealous.

It got so bad that he would push himself to be happy for me and show this by rolling his eyes, taking a deep breath, holding it, then blowing it out and giving me the fakest smile I’d seen so many times before. His mouth said one thing, but his body language told a completely different story.

I always pride myself on being authentic and willing to grow, but after 6 years of knowing him, it just didn’t seem like he was reaching new heights in any area of this life. It wasn’t because of external circumstances. It was because he was in pure denial.

Denial

You know these types of friends. The one’s that confide in you about how terrible their relationship is with their boyfriend, but never leave. Or how they can’t move out of state because someone “needs” them.

Despite giving stellar advice and a strategic escape, these people never seem to admit when they’ve made a huge mistake and that it’s time to move on. They consistently make excuses for why something is happening in their lives or how it transpired.

Some covertly admit that they know there’s an issue, but never attempt to fix it.

For example, I continuously complained about how terrible my life was and how I wasn’t meeting people from my Soul Tribe, but I wasn’t making moves to do it. I wasn’t using the knowledge I had to get to where I wanted to be. I was in complete denial of my situation telling myself things would get better and making false promises like, when I obtain __ I’ll receive __.

Denial is avoiding or refusing the Truth.

What I needed to realize was that I was the root of my problems.

Waste of (Valuable) Time & Energy

Time and emotional energy are two things we just can’t get back. There’s only so much time and energy we have in a day. Certain friends tend to talk about the same problems over and over.

You can give them all the advice in the world, but they never seem to put into practice. Being friends with someone like this will leave you completely numb. Not just that, but people tend to lose respect for those who simply waste their f*cking time.

If someone is consistently approaching you with the same story and you’ve given them solid advice to fix the problem, then this proves they don’t respect boundaries. People are generally unable to give respect because they don’t possess it within themselves. There needs to be self-respect to give it.

People can’t give what they don’t have.

Keep in mind that being a therapist and being a friend are two different positions.

Respect your time, energy, and yourself.

Spiritually Immature

We all have that “one friend” who’s a know-it-all. They throw themselves into work, books, and the web to obtain copious amounts of information that they later use in conversation.

It’s amazing how one person can possess so much knowledge, yet know absolutely nothing about themselves. They love telling others what they should do in their situation but make no attempts to improve their own. These people talk the talk but have yet to walk the walk.

Failing to spend alone time to understand ourselves and applying prior knowledge to our lives can prove to be detrimental on many levels and leave us feeling spiritually immature.

True knowledge is the knowledge of Self. True understanding is putting that knowledge into practice. And in practice, we teach others about what we’ve experienced.

This is called living your Truth. Your passions. And plays a major role in your life’s purpose.

I used to be someone with all the information, but rarely put it into action. Most of us do all we can to help a friend see the need for spiritual growth but to no avail. Take this as a sign for them to be alone, so they can learn and grow.

The Truth is that everyone can’t come with you. Great spiritual growth comes with being alone.

Severely Misaligned

One of my biggest pet peeves is when words come out of someone’s mouth, yet their bodies deceive them. My ex-BFF did this non-stop. His words and non-verbal cues never seemed to coincide.

I remember constantly feeling that he didn’t even believe what he was saying. He just wanted to talk. Just wanted to be heard.

His head and heart were misaligned. This meant that he wasn’t just lying to me, but himself. At a certain point, I lost respect for his word and slowly began losing respect for him.

I spoke life into this man every time he presented me with an issue. Gave him open and honest advice. Spent endless hours with him over the phone, but nothing seemed to soothe the pain he was feeling in his spirit.

This is when I knew I wasn’t equipped to help him, so I let him go.

Lack of Elevation

There are times when some friends may sincerely feel the need to grow, but when they discover they need to tap into their past or uncomfortable emotions, they become disinterested. I’ll be the first to admit that spiritual growth can be harsh.

Letting go of control, surrendering, going with the flow, etc. is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. Being so close to someone going through this can be taxing, especially if you have prior experience.

The point is, he was incredibly blocked. The severe lack of trust caused him to shut down spiritually and emotionally, so there was no movement on those planes. And as we know, if there’s no inner movement, then there’s no outer movement.

Self-sabotage became the agenda. I watched him stop caring about the things that happened to him and for him. Taking responsibility for his life went out of the window.

Six years into our friendship he hadn’t been moving towards or achieving any of his goals. He simply talked and planned, but took no action towards them.

We’d have numerous conversations about spiritual ascension, but he was getting nowhere because he was so resistant to making certain changes in his life. He overlooked blessings from the Universe and missed out on a lot of good opportunities and seemed to ignore his intuition in most cases.

After numerous suggestions of therapy, giving solid advice, and listening to prolonged venting sessions, I had to admit that I just wasn’t able to help him.

It was time to let him go.

Shame

I was surprised to see that many (if not all) codependency symptoms were rooted in shame. After getting to know my ex-BFF and having many conversations over an extended period of time, I realized that he possessed all of these traits.

He’d always seem to seek external fulfillment to internal problems. Not realizing that the answers were already inside of him.

The one that really stuck out was that he depended on me for his emotional fulfillment and overall happiness. I don’t think I have to tell you how uneasy I felt when I discovered this.

I hadn’t found myself in this predicament before so I didn’t know how to handle it. What I did know was that this relationship had become unhealthy and that I needed to leave immediately. And that’s exactly what I did.

Shame (in my opinion) is the worst emotion one can ever feel because it possesses a sense of powerlessness and addiction. It’s not easy to resolve shame as this emotion is deeply rooted. Personally, I feel this emotion should be left to a professional who is versed in dealing with it.

I learned long ago that executing boundaries is extremely important in relationships, but I have to admit, I may have bent those rules for my ex-BFF.

I knew the lengthy video calls weren’t getting us anywhere, and eventually, I’d directly reflect his personality. Humans are very much impressionable, no matter how strong or independent we may be. It all boils down to the fact that we weren’t helping each other grow.

We would’ve remained stagnant had we continued the relationship. I also believe he wouldn't have had the spiritual experiences needed for growth had I stuck around because his dependence upon me was so great.

Spiritual experiences and growth are extremely personal. Most happen when we‘re alone and for him to grow, I had to leave.

My plan is not to regress but to move forward in every aspect of my life. I want to learn, grow, and to be happy.

Does any of this resonate with you? And if so, how did you handle it?