I’ve been deep in thought for some time now, thinking away like a clock ticks to the hour, yet through all of my thoughts, there has been no definitive answer. I’m searching for a resolution that I know does not exist. I’m holding out for some miraculous white steed to stumble through my door and save me from all of my fears. Thoughts, everywhere, half cut dreams, procrastinated ambitions, where do I cut the line through all the bullshit and find that one illuminated path to follow?
I turn 30 this year, yup, that’s the big 3.0. The looming existence of my birthday is casting doubts and shadows on my mind. Thirty is no big deal, no number really is but 30, come on. That’s like a real adult digits and I’m not sure I’m cut out for that. My birthday is in April so I’m feeling the pressure to snap my habits quickly. The only one thing I know for sure, I want my next 30 years to be radically different to the first 30 years of my life.
So firstly, I feel like I do need to pay homage to my first 30.. So, please bear with me whilst I desperately try and think of the good my 0-30 years have done.. I can‘t ignore my birth.. Hey Mom, You did great, kudos to you!! :)
I think a HUGE thing my 0-30s taught me, has been compassion, understanding, how to listen, and how to sit back to watch and learn. I feel that quite often we are incapable of true empathy because we can’t see past our own feelings and pride. I know that I said I want to pay homage to my first 30 years, but as my Mother often says: “Don’t look back, you’re not going that way”.
My early years have been difficult, full of trials and tribulations. I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve hurt a lot, and now I want to MOVE a lot. I do feel like the old saying is quite true, your 20s are for learning, your 30s are for earning. I‘d like to think I’ve done a fair bit of learning and now, moving forward I’d like to start making some sort of difference in the world. Earning is not my priority, I want to focus on the goodness in the world, and try my hardest to do all I can to decrease my carbon footprint and help others.
I cannot begin to tell you how simple that may sound, but how actually complicated it is. I’ve only just begun my research into making economical changes, but even things you never think about like your laundry detergent or your washing liquid, it all leaves a massive footprint. Fortunately, there is TONS of information out there on how to reduce your own wastage and live a much more economical life BUT, I do have to admit it is a complete and utter minefield. It is information overload, and honestly, it can be quite confusing. I’ve decided to write a list of starter points, the basics, if you like and work from there. I’ve tried to overhaul my entire life in one foul swoop, that is not going to happen, its just impossible.
I have just over two months until my birthday, and I’m going to take those days to research and plan. I’m going to declutter, because firstly, I have WAY too much stuff and secondly I want a simple existence. That in itself sounds easy, but again, its not because I want to limit my waste so I’m trying to really focus on how best to reuse, repurpose, recycle, upcycle or donate the things I no longer want or need. I’m going to be getting creative with my ideas, and I’m dedicating this year, and all the following to come, to love the world more, appreciate more and just be more present.
So, to conclude this little birthday babble, I want to draw a line beneath the past, forget all the misdeeds and hurt and focus on positive living.