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10 Ways to Become a Better Partner

Are you being all you can be for the one you love? Here are some ways to become a better partner for them.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 6 years ago 9 min read
Top Story - December 2017
Photo by Rahul Anil

If you love your partner, and I mean really, truly, love them, then you want to be the best person you can be for them. That's the beauty of love, isn't it?

More practically, being a good partner ensures that your partner will want to stay with you for the long term. After all, no one wants to be with someone who's self-centered and refuses to do anything for anyone but themselves.

The awesome thing about being a better partner for your partner is that there are plenty of ways to do it that will enrich yourself as well as your love life. Here are some of the best ways to make yourself the person your lover deserves.

Make an effort to show appreciation for your partner.

Photo by Felix Russell-Saw

Did you know that one of the leading causes of divorce and affairs is a partner feeling underappreciated? Too often, we tend to take the people closest to us for granted, assuming that they'll just always be there. Here's a hint: they won't.

Whether we realize it or not, refusing to show appreciation for the people who work hardest to make us happy pushes them away. Or worse, it hurts them.

If you want to be a better partner, try to do at least two of these things every day:

  • Genuinely thank your partner for all they do. Want to know what most partners want to hear? Acknowledgement of the work they do to keep you happy. Really—that's all they want.
  • Spend time with your partner. I don't mean time when you're just gawking at a cell phone, either. I mean quality time. This will ensure that your partner feels like a priority, rather than an afterthought.
  • Do something super nice, just because. Everyone wants to have a partner who will suddenly just do something sweet for them, just because they can. It doesn't have to be big; even something as simple as a 5-minute back rub can mean the world to your partner.
  • Tell your partner one compliment, or hug them. Touch and compliments are important. They show your partner that you care!
  • Ignore the gross sides of them, and praise their strengths. Relationship experts can tell you that regular criticism tends to cause partners to get insecure—or just result in toxic behavior that eventually ends up poisoning the relationship.

Simply put, much of learning how to become a better partner is learning how to cherish them.

Rev up your bedroom life.

Photo by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

Another major complaint in long term relationships is a boring sex life, and there's a good chance that you can fall into a rut without even trying to do so. That's why it's important to be proactive about sex and work to keep the spice alive.

One of the easiest ways to switch this up is to invest in versatile sex toys that work for both you and your partner's pleasure.

Many leading sex toy companies, including Dame, have been working on creating sex toys that are designed to increase intimacy between couples while also allowing them to explore a variety of different possibilities. The reason why? Intimacy is harder to nurture than most would think—and it requires a lot of exploration.

A versatile starter toy, such as the Eva by Dame, can be used in a variety of different ways—including as a cock ring-like vibrator during sex. Eva's a great starter toy, and also regularly is called one of the best sex toys ever invented by women, too.

Part of learning how to become a better partner in bed is also learning what your partner enjoys. So, once you get a toy that you want to play around with, talk to your partner to find out what they enjoy the most of.

The right toy can open up a huge range of different possibilities and make sex feel just as good as the first time, every time.

Eva is a hands-free vibrator designed to give vulvas the clitoral stimulation they want during sex. Staying in place with the help of two flexible wings which tuck under the labia, Eva is designed to stay out of the way during penetrative sex, giving you a boost of stimulation while leaving your hands free to move around and focus on intimacy.

The Eva II is available on

Listen to any qualms your partner may have, or any issues you know you have about your own shortcomings.

More often than not, we already know some of the things that our partners would want to see us improve upon. For some, this may mean getting a better job. Others may have it be losing weight, or even something as simple as maintaining yourself better.

We know these things because our partners may have told us—or because we just happen to know the situation well enough to realize it's an issue. Things like noticing your partner struggle with end of the month bills, or even something as simple as seeing your partner's reactions to romantic comedies can tell you volumes.

If you don't know what your partner would want you to do to become a better partner for them, ask. More often than not, they'll be happy to tell you.

Have time for yourself.

A relationship that doesn't include "me time" is a relationship that's often doomed for failure. It's important that you continue to cultivate a life outside of you and your partner, because that allows you to actually bring something to the table.

Being with a person who has no life outside of yours is absolutely draining and smothering. Don't be that person. Go out, invest in some hobbies, and take time to breathe without your spouse nearby.

Take time to read up on communication and learn how to communicate with your partner.

The common belief is that communication is key to a happy relationship—and it totally is. But, what people leave out is that everyone has a different communication style, and that communication is only as good as the effort that both partners put in.

Every partnership has a different communication style. Are you on the same wavelength? If not, consider trying to talk things out, or reading a book on how you can better communicate with your partner. If things are getting really rough, counseling may be a good option.

Your partner isn't a mind reader. You may need to pay attention to your partner when they talk about things that bother them. Each communication style may need to be tweaked a bit in order to improve things well.

Regardless of what needs to be improved, keeping an open and judgement-free line of communication is a great way to make sure you'll be a great partner for that special someone.

Don't be afraid to admit wrongdoing and apologize.

A good friend of mine once told me that it didn't matter whether he was right when he apologized to his girlfriend. The reason he apologized, he explained, is that he cared more about her than he cared about being right.

We all know people who refuse to be wrong, even when faced with evidence that they are deep in the wrong. The truth is that this kind of attitude towards life is never good, and almost always ends up being toxic to even the strongest of relationships.

Don't be afraid to say you're sorry. Saying you're sorry isn't a sign of failure or weakness; refusing to admit it, though, is.

Be good to yourself and take care of yourself first.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero

Once, a long time ago, a wise man once told someone, "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." This little nugget of advice is the basis of every healthy relationship ever to succeed and is some of the best advice on how to become a better partner in any relationship.

The truth is that you cannot be a good partner if you sacrifice everything you have and are for your partner. That only makes you a martyr, and martyrs are not good partners. A martyrdom-filled relationship is one that's codependent and resentment-filled.

Moreover, being the self-sacrificing type is never really attractive. So, if you want to stay attractive for your partner, put yourself first—with your partner being a close second.

Not sure where to start? Here are some of the best ways to ensure you stay attractive and good to your partner:

  • Maintain your boundaries, and respect theirs. There are certain boundaries that should never be crossed in a happy relationship. If you notice your partner pushing boundaries you've set, you need to nip that in the bud or even consider walking away from them. You can't be a better partner to a person who's toxic to you, simply because their attitudes will poison any effort you make on being better for them.
  • Get a healthy amount of sleep, and eat well. You can only be so good without having healthy habits. If you sleep better and eat better, you'll look more attractive and feel more relaxed.
  • Make sure you can support yourself (financially and emotionally) without your partner's help. This is crucial, and it's something that can make or break your relationship. No one wants to feel like they are responsible for another adult's wellbeing. Be a partner—not dead weight!
  • Treat yourself. This goes beyond having time to yourself; it's about making sure that you're happy with your life. Get a manicure, go out for a nice solo dinner, hit a spa—just do something that's all for you. You'll be surprised at how well you feel afterwards.
  • Remind yourself that your needs matter too, and know when to walk. Your needs matter. It's not all about your partner! If you feel like your partner is openly asking you to forget about what you need to be happy, it's okay to consider leaving. This doesn't make you a bad partner, it just means that you're with a partner that's bad for you.

Try to see their point of view on things, even when you're angry at them.

There's always two sides to every story, and that can be hard for you to remember—particularly during arguments. Even when it's hard, try to see their point of view. You may be surprised at how much you still have in common.

Remind yourself that the two of you are a team.

One of the easiest ways to become a better partner for your lover is to see things as a team. Stop thinking about "I" and start thinking about "we." After all, you two should be a team.

This tip really works well if you want your partner to help you out with something or if you need your partner to do something for you. If you're talking things out, using "we" instead of "you" tends to drop the accusatory tone that partners react poorly to, and helps your partner focus on the real problem at hand.

Lastly, be willing to grow and discover stuff with your partner.

Photo by Ilya Yakover

You can make your partner feel beautiful, be chiseled as sin, and also be a great listener—but all that will mean nothing if you're not willing to grow and evolve.

Everyone needs to evolve, even though not everyone does end up evolving. Refusing to deal with change means that you will end up just rotting away, stifling yourself and anyone near you. And, that will drive a wedge between you two.

Life is a journey, and both you and your partner will have to grow. So, be open to change. Embrace it! And together, you and your partner will be able to enjoy endless adventures in the crazy road known as life.


About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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