What Is Consensual Adultery?

Out of all the experiences thus far in my life, marriage has been hands down, the most challenging. I know, I know, you would assume I would say parenting because I just love to complain about the crappy diapers, sleepless nights, and leftover fat that is motherhood, but no way Jose, marriage absolutely takes the “difficulty” cake. Don’t get me wrong, raising children (and good ones at that) is no easy task with them constantly testing our patience, kindness, and sanity, but there is one huge difference that makes it all worth it and that is unconditional love. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel the undeniable love from both of my children. Even after a slap on the wrist or a 10-minute time out, they are guaranteed to not only forgive me but hug, kiss, and love me mere moments later. Now for my husband, not so much. If only he would show affection minutes after I rip him a new asshole, then life would be just grand. Usually after a fight with my bitchy filthy-mouthed self, doors are slammed and names are called and if I’m really feeling feisty I’ll throw in a bullshit threat as a cherry on top. Then the pity party ensues, the sulking, and the pondering if this is what marriage is supposed to be like. It’s crazy how a few minutes of nasty word vomit can erase years of happiness.

Marriage is work, that is no secret, and expecting two adults to go through their entire relationship without mistakes, doubts, and curiosity is an unrealistic expectation. We are human and biologically monogamy is not all that natural. Of course, the love shared between two people is enough to build a strong foundation, as well as trust, communication, and physical chemistry, but after life throws you a few unknown obstacles and outside temptations, that foundation may not have been enough. Sometimes, despite the love for their partner, a person can’t help but wonder what it’s like on the other side of the fence. If the grass is indeed greener. Sometimes, relationships hit rough patches and the commitment they once promised their lover no longer seems doable or desirable. And we all know that lack of communication is the archenemy of relationships.

This is where the “Hall Pass” comes into play.

For those who aren’t looking to split up but rather test out what the outside has to offer, agreeing to consensual adultery can help those couples who haven’t fallen out of love but are desperately seeking a change. This article is not to discuss deceit and infidelity, but rather the options for couples who are considering an open relationship with full knowledge and approval from their spouse. For some this idea is absolute bullshit. A lousy excuse to cheat on your partner by slapping a modern label on it. But what if it’s not? What if both people are comfortable enough in their relationship to admit their darkest desires and come to an agreement to allow it? How after all these years are definitions of relationships not expected to change when the world around us is a constant upgrade? From cheating websites like Ashley Madison to hook-up apps like Tinder, the temptation tornado is swirling around us just waiting to suck us in. Seeing these sites and their many members not only condone but promote cheating makes us feel like it’s okay. If there is an actual website called, marriagehallpass.com, then this has to be a trend on the rise amongst modern couples, right?

Do you want my opinion? Shut up, of course, you do. Personally, I would chop my husband’s balls off before I would be okay with consensual adultery. If I ever saw his name in the Ashley Madison database (yes, I checked when I signed up for research purposes ONLY). I would call my lawyer and have the papers drawn up tomorrow. I wasn’t built to share my man. God did not design my brain to be OK with an open marriage. While I have daydreamed about being with other men and flirted probably more than I should, that is where it ends. Despite the dirty game I may talk in my mind, if the opportunity to cheat ever arose I would chicken out like big baby and probably cry like one too. But that’s just me.

Now What?

For those who believe in giving their partner a hall pass, or agree to consensual adultery, in order to save their marriage or bring life back to their boring relationship, here are a few questions to ask yourself. Why do you want to explore other people outside of your marriage? Is it just for sex or are you searching for something deeper? Do both of you want this or just one of you? Even though you may say you are OK with your partner being with someone else, have you really thought about what it will feel like when that line is crossed? You may want to create a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy or perhaps hearing all the details will turn both of you on, but just remember there is a chance that a rage of jealousy could come about and you will find yourself searching “hit men” in Google to get rid of the person that touched your wife.

Listen, at the end of the day the idea of having a week off from your relationship is usually stemmed from a much deeper emotion, desire, or need not getting met. Whether it is sexually or emotionally, somewhere in your marriage is lacking something you so desperately want. For some couples, giving themselves and their spouse a free pass to do whatever they want as long as they are safe, may actually work. I am not here to judge them, in fact just the opposite, if both people are happy with their decision and feel this will give them what they are missing, then kudos for doing whatever it takes to make it work. There is always the option of the hall pass vacation as well. Each of you get a trip to wherever you want and have whatever happens there, stay there. This way it’s not in your face and there is no worry of bumping into someone you know. Can you imagine that run in at your local Applebee’s, “OH, hey Nicole, this is my friend Heather, yeah my wife is totally cool with me dating her. I’m actually going back to her place after this if you’re interested”. Yeah…keep dreaming.

It all comes down to communication and couples need to be open with one another in order to make a relationship work and it be a happy one at that. Other possibilities for people who fantasize about a hall pass yet would never go through with it, is a hall pass within your relationship. Meaning, give your partner one week to have sex whenever they want, however, they want, but with YOU only. You could also try a vacation hall pass except this one won’t involve sex with other people. Just 2 separate vacations where you are able to relax and do whatever your heart desires (again, this would not include hooking up with strangers).

Listen, no two people are the same, just like no two marriages are the same. Do what work best for you as a unit, but whatever you do, be honest, considerate, and most of all respectful.