The bad BDSM "gatekeepers"

This post is written out of frustration so if I seem a little short, sassy, snarky or bitchy that is why. I'm taking people to task and yes it is needed.

There is a difference between people who actually warn against actual bad people in the lifestyle and the gate keepers I'm taking about. These gatekeepers think anyone that doesn't practice or speak BDSM like them is fake and wrong. There are people who don't practice or speak BDSM like these people that are fake though.

So these gatekeepers attach to these buzzwords or people who they swear are fake without actually having a real conversation with the person. They may not even know the people they attack or go after. They ruin reputations over nothing. They also may push real people out of the lifestyle.

They go after people like me who know what I'm doing while there are actual rapist and abusers in the lifestyle. I tick people off by being blunt and straight forward. Suddenly honesty is a problem. Apparently to some of these gatekeepers think that me being a blunt assertive woman is worst then the people who are fakes or bad. The gate keepers need to stop chasing people who are actually good away.

If you were new and people were calling people out publicly for being fake and being very judgmental and rude about it would you want to stay? Would you want to put up with this behavior in this lifestyle even if you weren't new? This lifestyle is an escape for a lot of people. It's an escape from life, bullshit and judgement. Then these people come in and ruin that with these fake witch hunts and judgement.

I don't say I know what I'm doing just because it's me, I say it because it's the truth. In this lifestyle you don't know who's real and who is fake until you take time to find out. That's the point you get to know someone before you decide.

I was the target of one of these self appointed gate keepers. He saw an ad or discussion I put up trying to find a sub. In it I laid out everything including what I wanted and what I would tolerate, I was very blunt and told the truth, I know novel idea right? So I got 3 comments with 2 people having a problem with me wanting someone with a car and the third being a gate keeper. I don't know why people have such problem with me wanting to have a partner who has a car and will drive. It's called having a preference, again I know this is a novel idea. I honestly don't know what the gatekeeper had an issue with. I was being honest and laying out what I wanted.

I don't think that certain people in the lifestyle are really ready for female Doms like me. I am out spoken and blunt, I know what I want. I don't want my time wasted. I think I am an old school Dom with a lot of good blunt bite. I think people have gotten hurt by Doms who talk like me.

I am not worried about the gatekeepers themselves but I am worried about what it will do to my chances of making connections. I'm also worried about the gatekeepers will do to reputations of really good people like me. Make no mistake I am not perfect nor do I know everything. I just want the gate keepers to learn to leave the real people alone.

So to the gatekeepers: leave well enough alone. Stop harassing people it makes you look stupid and it could ruin the reputations of all involved. Don't do this calling out type of thing especially if you don't want it done to you.

To the real people who have been attacked by these trolling gate keepers: you do you. Be honest, proud and have your damn standards. Screw everyone else if you're not hurting anyone who cares.

I say all of this to say these trolling gate keepers are ruining the fun for everyone. I literally had to take a break from it because it was causing anxiety.